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Original poster

Husband has done a disappearing act

99 replies

21jlb · 09/03/2019 13:49

My husband has been on a training course as currently looking for a new job. It was only for 3 weeks and yesterday was the last day. He seemed to have made friends with a guy on the course and they went for a drink yesterday, which would have been from around 1pm. He kind of kept contact through the day, the last I heard was at 2.30am that he was staying at the guy’s house. His phone has been off all day and he hasn’t come home, even though the area where the guy lives isn’t too far from where we are. Find it really strange that he’d be out all day and night with someone who is a stranger.
He often does this when he goes out, but with people he knows. He hasn’t been out socialising for over a year now though.
Just pissed off that he thinks it’s ok to do a disappearing act when I get hell if I go out, which I rarely do anymore.
We’ve not been getting on well for a while now so appreciating a little space but still think it takes the piss, and also getting to a point where I’m getting a little worried too.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2019 14:17

I think your husband is with another woman.

Original poster
21jlb · 09/03/2019 14:19

Thanks for that

OP posts:
Astrid0208 · 09/03/2019 14:20

Did he say where this guy lives, can you go round? I'd be pissed off, why do you get trouble if you go out? That doesn't sound right at all!

WhateverName2 · 09/03/2019 14:20

Another woman

FrenchSchnoodle · 09/03/2019 14:22

I'm not one to normally jump in and say he's lying or he has another woman but I find it odd that he's only known the guy for 3 weeks and is staying over. Do people/grown adults do that? Why on earth wouldn't he get a cab home? It simply makes no sense at all.

Fatted · 09/03/2019 14:22

I'm with aquamarine1029 on this one.

Usually when people are cheating, they make a big deal of having a go at their partners for similar behaviour. Because they think they're cheating like they are!

HollyBollyBooBoo · 09/03/2019 14:24

God how scary, my nerves couldn't cope with disappearing acts like that. It's pretty disrespectful that he doesn't consider your feelings isn't it?

Redwinestillfine · 09/03/2019 14:30

I totally get that he may have made friends etc and gone for a blow out drink, but why stay over if it's so close? did you agree that beforehand? If so then it's just the fact he hasn't been in touch today. He is probably really hungover but it's polite to let you know where he is etc.

Original poster
21jlb · 09/03/2019 14:30

He tagged himself in with the guy in a photo yesterday of them in the pub. I honestly don’t think it’s another woman as he’s never out - unless he pulled last night in his drunken state. But yes it’s more the disrespect of just going off and doing what he wants. It’s now the middle of the afternoon, even if he did stay over I would have expected some sort of contact.
He was in contact with a relative of his a few days ago about maybe going out this afternoon so unless he has gone there, even though he said he wasn’t going - but then tell me! But if he has met up with that relative he’s someone who I don’t like him going out with as he always gets up to no good.
He only texted what area he’s in, I don’t know the address.
I don’t want to start acting like a psycho and message the guy on Facebook either.

OP posts:
Original poster
21jlb · 09/03/2019 14:31

No he didn’t say he’d be staying over - only found out when I woke up during the night and texted to find out where he was.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/03/2019 14:31

My first thought was another woman. You say he's done this sort of thing before

StealthPolarBear · 09/03/2019 14:32

Sorry x pst

Original poster
21jlb · 09/03/2019 14:36

He used to go out regularly and then stay with who he was with out with. But it’s very rare nowadays, I don’t think he’s been out in over a year.

OP posts:
sweetcheeksmahoaney · 09/03/2019 14:36

it doesnt look good op... hope he gets in contact soon
its a horrible feeling Flowers

LemonTT · 09/03/2019 14:37

I would assume he got drunk and passed out. Now hungover and ill. Disrespectful but forgivable if a one off lesson learnt scenario.

But even the worst hangover allows for a text to say he is safe, sick and sorry.

So the fact that this isn’t the first time and he hasn’t sent a text would make me question a lot. Mainly whether he wants to be a single man.

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 09/03/2019 14:39

Why are you not allowed to go out? I'd be calling a friend and going out tonight, sod him!

Original poster
21jlb · 09/03/2019 14:39

I’m guessing his battery has died.
I do think he wants to be a single man, more often than not I want to be a single woman.
I am enjoying the peacefulness without him here. Quite often don’t want him here. Just feel uneasy, if I knew where he was I’d be ok.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/03/2019 14:41

Uou do sound like you'd be better off apart, what is keeping you with him

NameChangeNugget · 09/03/2019 14:42

I think it’s another woman

BorsetshireBlew · 09/03/2019 14:42

You get 'hell' when you go out?

RosaPfirsich · 09/03/2019 14:43

If he hasn't been out for a year then perhaps he ended up getting absolutely shitfaced and it was easier for his friend to keep him rather than try and get him home?

Annoying that he hasn't made contact today though, unless he is still asleep?! I would have thought if he was with another woman he'd be more likely to scamper home earlier rather than giving himself another days absence to explain?

A frustrating worry either way. I don't think it would be psycho to ask the guy he was out with- perfectly reasonable to be concerned enough to ask given you expected him back ages ago.

HollowTalk · 09/03/2019 14:43

I think he's living like a single man and is bullying you into staying in so that he can do what he wants.

sweetcheeksmahoaney · 09/03/2019 14:44

21jlb
I am enjoying the peacefulness without him here. Quite often don’t want him here

im going to be blunt get rid!!!!!
lifes to short to spend it with someone who makes you feel like that. you are worth more than than this. my nan always said better a lifetime alone than a second in bad company.

NotTheFordType · 09/03/2019 14:45

It doesn't sound like either of you are happy to be with each other. Do you have DC together?

I would also assume that his battery died overnight. Would it be in character for him to have a "hair of the dog" the following afternoon? Could he be watching the footy with his new BFF?

Al2O3 · 09/03/2019 14:58

Or another man.