Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Husband has done a disappearing act

99 replies

21jlb · 09/03/2019 13:49

My husband has been on a training course as currently looking for a new job. It was only for 3 weeks and yesterday was the last day. He seemed to have made friends with a guy on the course and they went for a drink yesterday, which would have been from around 1pm. He kind of kept contact through the day, the last I heard was at 2.30am that he was staying at the guy’s house. His phone has been off all day and he hasn’t come home, even though the area where the guy lives isn’t too far from where we are. Find it really strange that he’d be out all day and night with someone who is a stranger.
He often does this when he goes out, but with people he knows. He hasn’t been out socialising for over a year now though.
Just pissed off that he thinks it’s ok to do a disappearing act when I get hell if I go out, which I rarely do anymore.
We’ve not been getting on well for a while now so appreciating a little space but still think it takes the piss, and also getting to a point where I’m getting a little worried too.

OP posts:

Whocansay · 09/03/2019 17:13

He probably just passed out and has the hangover from hell. He also likely knows that you are going to be angry with him, so is putting off coming home! However, I would be worried now, as he's been awol for a long time. He could have got a message to you somehow. I would probably start ringing round hospitals and check with the police that he''s not been arrested or anything...

I hope he turns up OK, OP. Bad pennies usually do.

SadOtter · 09/03/2019 17:15

He's probably just sleeping it off, which makes him a dickhead but means you really don't need to worry, he'll emerge at some point with a killer hangover. Why are you with him though?

IggyAce · 09/03/2019 17:15

Any news op? He’s very selfish and I think if you make the decision to end it, you will find your mental load is lightened.

tessiegirl · 09/03/2019 17:22

I couldn't cope with this op.
Any news?

ScarletBitch · 09/03/2019 17:27

Why on earth are you with him? Do you think he is setting a good example to your children? As hard mentally as it is, being single is worth far more than the life you have with him?

Ruperbear · 09/03/2019 17:33

How selfish. You shouldn’t allow this behavior. Only you can put a stop to it. Good luck

babysharkah · 09/03/2019 17:33

He's really taking the piss now. My money is on that's he's gone back on the piss to watch the rugby or something rather ending up in a and or something sinister but I would be LIVID

GirlFliesHome · 09/03/2019 17:34

Thinking of you OP.

Pieceofpurplesky · 09/03/2019 17:37

Hope you hear something soon OP, just for peace of mind

Original poster

21jlb · 09/03/2019 17:54

He turned up just after 5pm stinking of alcohol which apparently was from last night still. He is pissed and acting like a right twat. Apparently didn’t wake up until gone 2pm. But is now starting to drink beer so tonight’s either going to go one way or the other. Hopefully he’ll end up passing out early.

OP posts:

Whocansay · 09/03/2019 17:59

Glad he turned up - but bloody hell, what a specimen!

Is he at all bothered about seeing his children, or perhaps, doing some actual parenting?

RomanticFatigue · 09/03/2019 17:59

Good luck tonight 21jib. Try not to engage if he is drunk and spoiling for a fight.

CassettesAreCool · 09/03/2019 18:02

Is there anywhere you can just take off to overnight, OP, with your DC if you have any? Can you really bear to be under the same roof as this sad apology for a man?

Original poster

21jlb · 09/03/2019 18:02

I’m not going to argue - took the advice on here and was pleasant when he came in. He seems drunk but in a happy mood so just hoping that stays.

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 09/03/2019 18:15

How old are your dc? Have you been doing childcare all weekend or are they older than that?

grumiosmum · 09/03/2019 18:20

Well done OP.

I know from experience that it's never worth having a discussion about anything when they are drunk. Very hard to be civil too, sounds like you are doing a great job.

Original poster

21jlb · 09/03/2019 18:21

They are 11, 7 and 5. I don’t work weekends so have them. It’s made no difference to my day as still took the younger two to their swimming lessons and then later shopping as normal.

OP posts:

Seahorsey · 09/03/2019 18:23

I wouldn’t even let the fucker in drunk around my kids. What a joke!

Original poster

21jlb · 09/03/2019 18:23

In response to earlier questions that I missed. He is doing training for a job now and has always been the main breadwinner but was made redundant, but still has savings so pays the majority.
He does normally pick up the kids or take them out or plays with them. He does most of the cooking and a lot of housework.

OP posts:

GetOffTheTableMabel · 09/03/2019 18:26

Well done. Keep smiling. You can’t argue with stupid/drunk anyway. Kill this shit with cheerfulness. You know how you really feel. He’s being such a persistent tool that your private thoughts and feelings should be exactly that - private. He’s not worth sharing them with right now (if at all).

Original poster

21jlb · 09/03/2019 18:27

He’s currently playing football on the PS4 with them and it’s yay daddy’s the best.

OP posts:

doodleygirl · 09/03/2019 18:28

OP, why are your expectations so low? I never understand why anyone would want to stay in a marriage which is so awful.

JaneEyre07 · 09/03/2019 18:34

I'm glad nothing awful happened OP and agree that tonight isn't the night to try and talk about this, but you really need to set some standards for yourself.

Hope you get a peaceful evening

Calzone · 09/03/2019 18:47

🙄 so many shite husbands on here.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread