@Longlongsummer Thank you for your reply. It helped so much to hear from someone who understands the strange dressing habits because that drives me mad. I’m so sorry your DP is even contemplating cutting your money access further. I hope he doesn’t. I’m due to see my GP for review in early January so think I will ask her about access to counselling. I already told her I think my H has undiagnosed Aspergers and she was very sympathetic. I hadn’t considered Women’s Aid…can you outline a bit the way(s) that helped you?
I don’t have any other family other than the relative I care for which is now pretty much full time, like you with your son, which means that I’ve lost touch with the friends I did have. Sent Christmas cards the last two years but haven’t had anything back so maybe they moved on. Never did have many friends as I’m quite a quiet and introverted person and prefer reading to going out. Like you, I’m not in any physical danger, but I am trapped. It’s awful, isn’t it?
My heart jolted when you said to @SeaEagle that ‘there feel like actual walls around me. Walls that I wondered into without the slightest idea they would trap me.’ Oh my god, that’s exactly how I feel 
@SeaEagleFeather Thank you for your response, also. My background wasn’t stable, either. I think that’s one of the reasons I didn’t leave before now, when I still had the chance – didn’t want to feel as if I had failed. My now H certainly presented as ‘calm and stable and kind’ when we met and in fact for the whole year after that until we got married and then I found myself living with a stranger. He isn’t remotely competent regarding DIY and has zero emotional responsibility in our relationship. I found myself telling him repeatedly in total exasperation that I couldn’t tell him how to think, because all too often he didn’t think, just did what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it in the way he wanted to do it. Still does.
I’m really glad for you that you were able to leave, though sad to hear that as yet you’ve only got ‘the shadow of a sense of who’ you are. I understand why you still feel angry about some things. I truly hope your sense of well-being, and awareness of self will recover and bring you peace and happiness now and in your future.
No, there’s no way I can store money leave. The only money I have is weekly housekeeping and that just about covers what I need it to cover. I avoid him as much as I can in the house. I can never say ‘home’ about this house because it has never been that to me.
@Moffa Hello and thank you for responding. I know you’re right, that real, consistent change isn’t possible so I have to decide what’s the best solution for me. For right now, that means staying, until my relative passes at least. I know that sounds awful and I don’t mean it that way, I’m really not counting the days or anything vile like that, it's just my situation.
So glad to hear that you received counselling that really helped and supported you. Bravo the NHS for that, and those members of your family and friends who played their part, too.
I fail on all three of your recommendations; no financial independence, no friendships good or otherwise, and very little to no hobbies or good amount of self-care. BUT! I am going to work on all three areas and see where it gets me. Can’t be any worse than where I am right now. I nodded when you referred to living in a ‘strict routine cycle’ and how oppressive that was to you. It is oppressive.
My H does not believe me when I tell him I no longer have feelings of love for him and am desperate to end the marriage. He just doesn’t accept it. Which is another way he invalidates me.
Thank you ladies, all of you, for your kindness