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Original poster

Please help me with my juvenile stupidity

110 replies

owlflight · 05/03/2019 11:20

Last week, I discovered my partner had been using a massage service and keeping it from me. It cost hundreds of pounds when we have been saving very hard for our house deposit. I felt very upset and decieved, especially when he said that it wasn't a secret and that many of friends knew he had been going, but now he said that he had stopped. Stupidly I bought a payg sim phone and began to send him anonymous what's up and text messages to him, advertising the service from the website, to see if he really was still interested. They were all taken from the website, advertising their services, although some of the wording was slightly more suggestive in tone. I wish to god that I never done anything so stupid, because ofcourse none of the 10 or so messages were invited, he saw it as harrasement and went to the police with them. Our relationship has since ended, which although upsetting is the best course of action for both of us. However now I am sick with fear that the police will trace the messages back to me. It would be very easy to do so, also who else would have been bothered to send them in the first place. When he asked me if I had sent them or knew who had, ofcourse I lied and said no.I have never ever ever done anything like this before, or been in any sort of trouble with the law. He didn't tell me what course of action the police would take and I didn't ask. We have not been in contact since and there are no plans in the future to ever have contact again, apart from the sorting out the money over the house deposit, and occasional visits to my daughter who he has become very close to him.
Does anyone who works for the police know if they will go to the phone provider and ask for the IMEI number GPS location etc. I cannot stress how much I wish I had never done anything like this. Please I cannot speak about this to anyone, because they will think I am completely mad, which I think I was at the time. Should I go to the police and confess, I cannot sleep or eat for fear and worry. Please any advice would be a lifeline for me.

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 05/03/2019 11:24

I don’t know the answer to your questions but your partner has not been using a massage service, he has been using prostitutes. Prostitutes who may have been trafficked and subjected to a horrible life. Why would you want to be with a man like this?

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 05/03/2019 11:26

She isn't @Jackshouse she's split with him.

OP I doubt the police will be interested in what amounts to 10 text messages. I highly doubt they will use precious police time to chase this. Try not to worry.

Frecklesonmyarm · 05/03/2019 11:27

He was seeing prostitutes?

The only silly thing is that you didn't leave him then.

The police probably wont trace it. He reported a website that he signed up to for harassment?

Milomonster · 05/03/2019 11:33

Blessing you found out before purchasing a house. I wouldn’t worry about being traced. Bin the phone.

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 05/03/2019 11:35

I bet he didn’t go to the police. I may be talking dot but I’d find it highly unlikely the police would go to the effort of tracing where the messages came from if on the slightest chance he’d actually reported it. Put it down to experience and move on. Can’t really see the need for him to continue contact with your daughter unless he’s her father

maras2 · 05/03/2019 11:38

Did he give you proof that he reported this?
I think that he suspects you and is calling your bluff.
Anyhow you're well rid of this sleeze.

Drogosnextwife · 05/03/2019 11:44

Are you sure he actually reported it to the police or do you think he suspected it was you and did it to scare you?

Btw your ex has been using prostitues so you are well rid of that creep.

Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 11:47

He knows it was you.

He didn’t go to the police.

Don’t do this shit again

Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 11:49

Just for clarity -

What kind of massage service?

Was it a genuine massage place that do sports massage, relaxation.. (as I know people who use these - as do I)

Or

A funky room above a shop that do massages ...

Original poster
owlflight · 05/03/2019 11:59

He really did go to the police, I'm sure of it, because aside from keeping the visits secret, he is a very honest person. He kept quoting the 1997 harassment law and used language that sounded very much that he had been advised by an official source.
I know what he was doing was wrong, but what i did was equally as stupid.
Regardless of this though, if he really did go to the police would they really not follow up this incident?
It was a vodaphone payg sim, bought from Argos. If they were investigating though, how long would it take for them to contact me? I think I'd rather go to the police myself then live in this turmoil. he is not my daughters father, but we were together for 4 years. Thank you for all your comments, thank you, I cannot speak with anyone else about this, unless of course to confess.

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 05/03/2019 12:01

Of course he didn't go to the police. He knows it was you.

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 05/03/2019 12:02

I do hope someone with police knowledge will come on and reassure you but I’d advise really really don’t go and hand yourself in. Anyone can get legal jargon and various acts from google. I bet he hasn’t reported it

Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 12:02

He really did go to the police, I'm sure of it, because aside from keeping the visits secret, he is a very honest person. He kept quoting the 1997 harassment law and used language that sounded very much that he had been advised by an official source

Grin
Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 12:03

What type of Massage place was it?

Frecklesonmyarm · 05/03/2019 12:07

He really did go to the police, I'm sure of it, because aside from keeping the visits secret, he is a very honest person. He kept quoting the 1997 harassment law and used language that sounded very much that he had been advised by an official source.

He googled it. He knows it was you.

He was signed up with this website/websites. As far as he knows they were sending him marketing texts. That not harassment.

Unless you are talking about actual massage, non sexual massage and you started sending him dirty messages. And he thought it was someone who worked there. Then its possibly harrassment.

FaithFrank · 05/03/2019 12:09

He kept quoting the 1997 harassment law and used language that sounded very much that he had been advised by an official source.

He could have copied that language from any number of websites. I doubt he has been to the police. He knew it was you and was doing it to scare you. You are well rid of him.

FaithFrank · 05/03/2019 12:11

I know what he was doing was wrong, but what i did was equally as stupid.

I disagree with this. In my world, using prostitutes is much worse than sending a few unwanted text messages.

Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 12:14

It might not be a prostitute place. The op seems that immature it could simply be a genuine massage therapy session.

If every knew about it it could be a bloody sports massage!

Bookworm4 · 05/03/2019 12:16

So how do you think his chat went with the Police?
'Hello I'd like to report that the prostitutes I've been using are sending me text messages'
He's manipulating you, bin the phone, get your ££ back and be done with this dick, oh and get an STI check.

EvePolastriBaby · 05/03/2019 12:19

As if a man would go to the police to tell them that a PROSTITUTION service he had been using, has sent 10 advertising texts Grin

He's calling your bluff.

combatbarbie · 05/03/2019 12:21

He knows it was you! What was the reason for the breakup? Who instigated it?

combatbarbie · 05/03/2019 12:22

Did you turn the location off on WhatsApp? That's probably how he knew....

Original poster
owlflight · 05/03/2019 12:22

No it was a genuine massage service which he said he has stopped going to because he got no pleasure from it. It was like a health and wellbeing therapist who give advice on lifestyle changes, and then massage toxins away. He drove many hundreds miles to go there, which I also didn't understand because we live in London, where everything is available. Whatever the real reasons for his decision, I will never know. My upset was because of the deception and also the sheer amount of money he was spending on this service when everything I had been earning was going towards, what I thought was our future. However now that has all gone and my terrible worry now is that I will be facing prosecution for harassment for the stupid stupid messages that I sent.

OP posts:
EvePolastriBaby · 05/03/2019 12:24

However now that has all gone and my terrible worry now is that I will be facing prosecution for harassment for the stupid stupid messages that I sent.*

Do you really think hat the CPS and police have nothing better to do?

Tonightstheteriyakichicken · 05/03/2019 12:31

OP he's distracted you neatly. I doubt he went to report these messages. I mean this kindly, even if he did go, I think the police have bigger fish to fry.

And as suggested upthread, your partner could very easily lift authentic sounding information from the internet.