Please help me with my juvenile stupidity

[owlflight]

Last week, I discovered my partner had been using a massage service and keeping it from me. It cost hundreds of pounds when we have been saving very hard for our house deposit. I felt very upset and decieved, especially when he said that it wasn't a secret and that many of friends knew he had been going, but now he said that he had stopped. Stupidly I bought a payg sim phone and began to send him anonymous what's up and text messages to him, advertising the service from the website, to see if he really was still interested. They were all taken from the website, advertising their services, although some of the wording was slightly more suggestive in tone. I wish to god that I never done anything so stupid, because ofcourse none of the 10 or so messages were invited, he saw it as harrasement and went to the police with them. Our relationship has since ended, which although upsetting is the best course of action for both of us. However now I am sick with fear that the police will trace the messages back to me. It would be very easy to do so, also who else would have been bothered to send them in the first place. When he asked me if I had sent them or knew who had, ofcourse I lied and said no.I have never ever ever done anything like this before, or been in any sort of trouble with the law. He didn't tell me what course of action the police would take and I didn't ask. We have not been in contact since and there are no plans in the future to ever have contact again, apart from the sorting out the money over the house deposit, and occasional visits to my daughter who he has become very close to him.
Does anyone who works for the police know if they will go to the phone provider and ask for the IMEI number GPS location etc. I cannot stress how much I wish I had never done anything like this. Please I cannot speak about this to anyone, because they will think I am completely mad, which I think I was at the time. Should I go to the police and confess, I cannot sleep or eat for fear and worry. Please any advice would be a lifeline for me.

Cant you show us the website?

This is a very odd situation - driving to Liverpool. Wow!! London probably has some of the best genuine therapeutic masseurs in the planet. Why would he do itnin secrecy if he was up to no good?? Do not try to convince yourself he was being honest. What exactly does the website say?

Crikey. Whatever the truth of this is you are clearly quite unwell and need help. The relationship is over. He may or may not be cheating with prostitutes and you may or may not be a controlling nutter but regardless it's not looking good and you need to move on.

Yep. Brass

www.gumtree.com/p/deep-tissue-massage-services/full-body-massage-by-inna/1285040989
But I cannot be sure that this was the one he actually visited as he wouldn't confirm or deny, but this was on the laptop browser. Either way what I did was very wrong.
The relationship is now completely over. But i just am out of my mind with worry that the police will follow up the harassment claim, because it is an illegal thing to do.
Does it take weeks for them before they make their enquires, or just a matter of days. He said he went to the police last Thursday afternoon.

If you're really that worried phone the non emergency number and confess

Always assuming that the police suddenly had loads of time on their hands and didn't spend it at the local kebab van, the worse you'd get (and this is assuming they investigated which we all know wouldn't happen as they don't investigate burglaries) is a verbal caution, a slap on the wrist. And that site does not look appealing. Certainly not worth driving distances for.

The Police have better things to do with their time, especially since you’ve stopped.

THAT is therapeutic massage and holistic wellness advice? Sorry, my lovely, but you are losing the plot. That is a prostitute's advert, but probably not the one he visited. NOONE drives from London to Liverpool to "get a massage". Noone. Tbh if you are as flappy and panicky in real life as you are coming across on here, i think there is no doubt AT ALL that your boyfriend knows you sent the messages, and is telling you nonsense about going to the police to mess with your head.

Just calm down a bit. Throw away the SIM card. This is NOT the crime of the century. Even if the police do come round and speak to you, they will just tell you not to do such things again. Learn your lesson, and move on.

Get a grip and focus on your ex lying to you !!!! His BAD money management annd some weird “massage” miles away you are well shot of the lying weirdo
GET an sTi check up ASAP!!

10 text is not harassment you did not threaten him , I’ve been sent way more ppi messsges, he would would be tragic going to the police and confessing his fetish and they would ask why he didn’t block after the first unwanted text

thank you everyone for your advice, and for telling the story about the chicken...that sounds very much something like my own mum would do...if the police do come round though, how long will it be before they do..a few days, a few weeks. Or shall I just call them myself because not knowing is causing me such worry. I would like to sort out my finances with my partner before I do and then not ever to have any contact with him again or with daughter, but it would be very hard on her to stop all contact with him suddenly.

Are you reading any of the responses?

Read them all again.

In summary:

1. He didn’t call the police because he used prostitutes and wouldn’t risk it

1. He used prostitutes

And you know the latter, as Frecklesonmyarm so eloquently pointed out - why would you send suggestive messages to try and trap him into a response, otherwise???

Nobody here can tell you how long it will be before the police come round, because noone knows the exact policing situation in your area. Calls are responded to dynamically - the most important ones are dealt with first. If he HAD called the police on Thursday, I'd be very surprised if they havent at least tried to contact you by now... which reinforces my belief that he has NOT called them, and is messing with your head, because he knows that you will obsess over this.

How old is your daughter? Is she this man's child?

Have you made yourself an appointment at the sexual health clinic?

STOP IT
The police will NOT come round.
They police will NOT take any action.
Stop listening to HIS bullshit!
They CANNOT trace a SIM only card that is not currently in use!
Stop stressing about this.
You've had pages and pages telling you this won't happen.
IT WON'T HAPPEN!!!!!

I went for a smear test this morning, unrelated to all of this.
My daughter is 8 years old
I'm sorry if I sound like I am obsessing over this, I have had no contact from anyone. The police or him since Thursday.

I promise I am reading every response. I just wondered if the police will come, how long it will take them to trace the payg number or just to go and tell them myself that I did it. Many thanks

You are obsessing. Nobody can answer your questions about your specific police force/work load. Ring them yourself if you're one of those people who just can't let go of a situation and forget about it.

STOP IT
Thanks you hellsbellsmelons. It was from reading how serious the charge of harassment is, that has scared me so much I think. Thank you to everyone for taking the time to write and try and help me for something i truly wish I had never done...

Thank you southerncomforts I think that I will, I can't keep feeling like this.

Im not trying to be horrible, really im not, but is English your second language? Do you need this man for visa purposes or similar? Because you dont seem to understand what people are saying to you, and fixating on the wrong thing entirely.

A smear test is not a STI test, my lovely. A smear test is only looking for irregular cells on your cervix, in case you are at risk of cervical cancer. A STI test looks for evidence of a sexually transmitted infection - if your bf has been having sex with someone else and not used a condom, he could have acquired this sort of infection and passed it on to you. You need to find out your local sexual health clinic (often they are at local hospitals), and go there.

English is my third language but I am a British citizen. He was very serious about talking to the police, that is why I am so worried. I did not think about going for an STI test, but thank you for letting me know about this.

owlflight,

This man is a liar with no credibility.

1. He used prostitutes

1. He spent your house deposit money on it

1. He (I guarantee) lied about all his friends knowing he uses prostitutes.

1. He lied about going to the police.

If I received three messages in a row from someone I didn’t want to get messages from, I’d simply block the number.

He may’ve known it was you as he had his own disposable PAYG sim to contact prostitutes on so the website never had his phone number. How did you find out about the ‘massages’?

I want you to tell us more about the relationship and the kind of things he said and did that made you unhappy or uncomfortable.

Can you list some of them?

Why did you make the texts suggestive, if you say he is a truly an honest person and you believed he was going for just a therapeutic massage?

A lot of your questions are very repetitive and have been replied to multiple times.
Have you suffered any abuse from this man or have a history of anxiety?

The site is dodgy. How did you discover he went there?

I ask, as the extent to which you are terrified and going round in circles self-questioning, is unusual. I wonder whether you’re in this state of mind as a result of the relationship. Answering the above questions will illustrate that - specifically incidents that made you unhappy or uncomfortable, or general things about him.