What the fuck have I done.

[Properlyfuckedup]

I’m gay. I’m 38 and I’ve just admitted it to myself. What the fuck have I done to my life, to my husband’s life, to my children’s lives. I love him. But not in the right way. I fucking hate myself right now. Absolutely loathe myself. What kind of a fucking bitch does this. I can either ruin my family’s lives, or lie to them and accept misery for the rest of my own life. I hate both options. I can’t stand this. I don’t want to do this.

It’d be better to openly separate and co-parent.

You both sound fantastic.

Good luck with everything.

i don’t think the arrangement you’ve come up with is sensible

It’d be better to openly separate and co-parent

This ^^^

Well done for being honest with your husband op.

There's no plan to lie to the children.

But it is a short term, day to day plan, while we figure things out with each other and the counsellor. Long term we're not sure yet, but we want to keep things as calm and positive for the DC as possible.

In the coming weeks and months there are lots of ways of keeping things positive and calm, including living separately, or telling DC you have separated and may be dating other people but are still sharing a home for now.

You have done really well. Dont be so hard on yourself you have not been selfish. To be fair being a lesbian 20 yrs ago would have been more difficult than being an 18 yr old coming out now. Attitudes have changed thankfully and society is more understanding. Wonderful you can now be true to yourself. And anyway if you had come out then you wouldnt have had your lovely children. Wishing you all the best

I think it can be perfectly normal to not really know yourself properly until you’re older.

I feel like you’re going to have to tell him at some point because if you don’t it’s not fair on either of you. I think it’s gonna be easier on him though than if you for example had an affair or something. We can’t decide what sexuality we are. Sorry you’re so upset :( sending hugs xx

This is not uncommon and I know several people who have gone through this or are currently going through this. Don’t be hard on yourself. You’re doing your best. This is big stuff and none of it’s easy. You can’t go back and change time so the only thing you can do now is keep moving forward in the most honest yet kind way possible. You can do this and it will eventually be ok. Just keep up the counselling and take it day by day for now

The guy I’m seeing has a lesbian ex wife. He was hurt at the time but it’s better than living a lie. They’re good friends now and his kids seem fine.