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Original poster

Online dating - was it my fault I got stood up?

78 replies

Newdata · 26/02/2019 14:50

Haven't been doing online dating long. Have a met a couple of nice guys though hasn't gone anywhere. I'm not especially desperate for a relationship and have found it all quite fun and laidback.

Got talking to a guy a few days ago and it was a nice conversation straight away. We arranged to meet up last night so nothing big since it was a weeknight, just a drink. I've had lots of conversations with people but few I want to actually meet. It needs to flow the right way for me and it did with him.

Anyway we arranged a time when we first organised it and then yesterday he messaged double checking the time. This was at about 2pm. I was working so didn't reply til 4pm confirming the time. This message was seen but not replied to. Then a couple of hours before we were due to meet I sent a message just asking if we will meet out the front of the bar. Not seen and not replied to. Both of us are quite busy and slow to reply so I didn't think much of it and trotted off to meet the the right time. He didn't show up. At the time we were meant to meet I messaged again. Neither of my last two messages were seen, and WhatsApp was showing he hadn't been online since he'd seen my 4pm message.

I was a bit put out as I just really did not expect it from him, I know you don't know anyone but our conversation had been great, very upfront and straightforward no sense of games etc. We have interests in common that we had both expressed we'd like to talk further about if nothing else.

This morning he sent a message apologising, that he'd left his phone at work so therefore couldn't get in touch and asking to rearrange.

The tone of his message suggests he doesn't think I actually turned up and now I'm wondering if it was weird for me to go given the messages not being replied to?? Feel like I shouldn't have gone and feel a bit embarrassed to admit that I did. My friends say no a time was confirmed and nothing was cancelled but I'm not sure. The embarrassment may just come from having been stood up.

Not sure if I'll give him another chance or not my question is more of you would have actually gone to the date in those circumstances?

OP posts:
CheeseWheel · 26/02/2019 15:00

I would have gone because it was arranged and you confirmed the time. The last two messages not being seen I would assume were possibly because he left his phone somewhere or it died and he couldn't charge it. I'd just think oh well he's not seen that but he knows the time and place so I'll see him there.

I'd assume you were still on since there was no cancellation. Why wouldn't you?

CheeseWheel · 26/02/2019 15:02

To me if he wanted to cancel why did he confirm at 2pm? He essentially checked details you confirmed he saw that. Why would you assume that meant the date was off?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/02/2019 15:04

He already knew the time and place to meet. Him leaving his phone at work was absolutely no reason not to turn up.

I call bullshit.

RebootYourEngine · 26/02/2019 15:05

I wouldn't have assumed that it was off. If you like him I would maybe give him one more chance.

Whisky2014 · 26/02/2019 15:06

I call bullshit too. Ignore him

ravenmum · 26/02/2019 15:08

Of course you went along, you'd arranged the date. You don't have to confirm it 20 times after that.

Given his attitude, I'd assume that he was trying to act as if he didn't do anything weird by not turning up, and would send a polite "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be" message, then block and concentrate on the next candidate.

TooOldForThis67 · 26/02/2019 15:16

I think he bailed out. He was keen enough to msg at 2pm that day to confirm and saw your reply at 4pm. He should have turned up, as you did. Whether you give him a 2nd chance is up to you. Tell him you turned up, make him feel bad, lol, then maybe he won't be so flakey next time!

Squeegle · 26/02/2019 15:16

What did you message him when you were waiting for him? Surely that would have given away that you did go and meet him? When were the messages read?

cstaff · 26/02/2019 15:16

It was already arrange - how many times does it have to be confirmed. Definitely BS.

Original poster
Newdata · 26/02/2019 15:17

CheeseWheel that was my thinking exactly. I just assumed for whatever reason he hadn't seen the messages but that didn't really change anything.

I don't really know what to say. I haven't opened his message yet. I'm not against seeing what he's like in person, set against a context of being very aware his behaviour was a bit odd and not really having expectations. I want to let him know it was weird not to show without being a dick myself. I want a classy way to say it haha.

I guess I was pleased to meet someone who gets my slightly unusual interest and genuinely seems like an interesting person.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newdata · 26/02/2019 15:19

I said something like "does your lack of reply mean we're not meeting inside OR outside the bar". Don't want to open his latest message to get it verbatim but something like that.
He was not on WhatsApp this morning and my messages were not seen. He was still showing as last seen at 4pm when I checked about 10am this morning. He messaged me at 10.30am.

I think his story is true but I don't think it's really an explanation for not turning up.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 26/02/2019 15:20

"Sure, sounds legit 😂 - so be honest, do you want a date or not?"

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/02/2019 15:21

The tone of his message suggests he doesn't think I actually turned up

That's weird. I think you should reply something like;

"Shame. First time I've ever been stood up; guess it just wasn't meant to be."

Nothing wrong with acknowledging that you DID show up, and you expected him to.

But I wouldn't bother again.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/02/2019 15:23

PS: Had similar on first date with my current boyfriend. He assumed I would pick him up (he lives on they way to where we were meeting) and I assumed we were meeting there.

I waited 20 minutes and started driving back to his house to find him haring towards the venue in a panic... crossed wires is definitely no reason to not show. Sorry.

MrsSpenserGregson · 26/02/2019 15:24

I think that, if you were keen to meet a woman you'd been chatting to online, the one think you wouldn't leave at work on the day of the date would be the phone that you'd been using to chat to said woman!

Livid21 · 26/02/2019 15:26

Absolutely do not arrange to meet again!
He has dicked you around when he should be on best behaviour. Imagine trying to have a relationship if that's acceptable on a FIRST DATE? He'd need a gold-plated cock confirmed for me to try again. Sorry it hasn't worked out, OLD is full of this type of time-waster.

lubeybooby · 26/02/2019 15:27

I also call total bullshit there from him

MargoLovebutter · 26/02/2019 15:28

So you arranged a time and venue and then he messaged to check the time and then didn't show up?

That is flaky behaviour. I definitely wouldn't be giving him a second chance.

You stuck to the arrangement and behaved decently, so you having nothing to feel ashamed about or foolish about. He is the one at fault here.

Hellohappy · 26/02/2019 15:35

Even if he had left his phone at work (unlikely, who does that?) he could still have turned up at the arranged time.

MzHz · 26/02/2019 15:36

Why are you not opening his message? That makes no sense tbh, open it, see what he has to say, you don’t need to reply if you don’t want to. You can just block him and move on.

It’s not a big deal in terms of relationship until you’ve known him for at least 6m, so consider this as a whittling process, you’re weeding out the time wasters

Asta19 · 26/02/2019 15:38

I wouldn't have gone without the confirmation because I know what internet daters are like! Plenty will bail at the last minute because they got a "better" offer. I would read it that he checked with you at 2 because he had another option. By the time you replied at 4, he'd already said yes to his other option but he couldn't tell you that. Hence the phone story. He wanted to leave all his options open! That's why he wasn't on whatsapp, he was on another date.

Cynical? Maybe. But he had other ways not to let you down. He could have gone back to work and got his phone, he could have turned up at the venue as you'd agreed.

Like I say, I've had too many instances of this type of thing. Dates cancelled at the last minute for spurious reasons. I did try and be trusting at first and give people a second chance but none of them ever turned out to be worth it. So in the end, any hint of that type of behaviour and I'd just not bother with that person. It's just a waste of time.

Original poster
Newdata · 26/02/2019 15:39

Well I've read the message in the preview just haven't actually opened it so it's marked as 'seen' his end.

Seem a like there is a consensus which is great as I was uncertain.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newdata · 26/02/2019 15:40

Asta19 that makes sense actually.

OP posts:
Quietplace19 · 26/02/2019 15:42

He's not boyfriend material! You don't need a silly boy like this x

Prusik · 26/02/2019 15:44

Regardless of what you do, he definitely needs calling out on his behaviour