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Original poster

Online dating - was it my fault I got stood up?

78 replies

Newdata · 26/02/2019 14:50

Haven't been doing online dating long. Have a met a couple of nice guys though hasn't gone anywhere. I'm not especially desperate for a relationship and have found it all quite fun and laidback.

Got talking to a guy a few days ago and it was a nice conversation straight away. We arranged to meet up last night so nothing big since it was a weeknight, just a drink. I've had lots of conversations with people but few I want to actually meet. It needs to flow the right way for me and it did with him.

Anyway we arranged a time when we first organised it and then yesterday he messaged double checking the time. This was at about 2pm. I was working so didn't reply til 4pm confirming the time. This message was seen but not replied to. Then a couple of hours before we were due to meet I sent a message just asking if we will meet out the front of the bar. Not seen and not replied to. Both of us are quite busy and slow to reply so I didn't think much of it and trotted off to meet the the right time. He didn't show up. At the time we were meant to meet I messaged again. Neither of my last two messages were seen, and WhatsApp was showing he hadn't been online since he'd seen my 4pm message.

I was a bit put out as I just really did not expect it from him, I know you don't know anyone but our conversation had been great, very upfront and straightforward no sense of games etc. We have interests in common that we had both expressed we'd like to talk further about if nothing else.

This morning he sent a message apologising, that he'd left his phone at work so therefore couldn't get in touch and asking to rearrange.

The tone of his message suggests he doesn't think I actually turned up and now I'm wondering if it was weird for me to go given the messages not being replied to?? Feel like I shouldn't have gone and feel a bit embarrassed to admit that I did. My friends say no a time was confirmed and nothing was cancelled but I'm not sure. The embarrassment may just come from having been stood up.

Not sure if I'll give him another chance or not my question is more of you would have actually gone to the date in those circumstances?

OP posts:
Ididalwayswonder · 26/02/2019 19:38

I've left my phone at work, a couple of times. Because I work in a different city, it hasn't been possible to pick it up until I'm back in.

Also, WhatsApp has functions where you can read message but the two ticks stay grey (so delivered but not read). You can also read a whole message without actually opening WhatsApp, thus looking like you've not been online . But, despite that, I still reckon he accidently left his phone.

Hellohappy · 26/02/2019 19:50

Yes but he had arranged a time and a place. Even without the phone he could have turned up.

Frazzled2207 · 26/02/2019 22:28

Even if he did leave his phone at work he should have turned up.
I'm a veteran of OLD.
Met my husband eventually but a lot of duds first. I wasted far too much time chatting to guys who seemed great but it was very obvious almost as soon as we met that we weren't compatible.

Acalavero · 26/02/2019 23:25

@ComtesseDeSpair

On the basis that he didn’t check in to his WhatsApp after 4pm I’d assume genuine. I mean, he’s unlikely to ignore all the other WhatsApp messages he’ll have received from other people all yesterday evening if he’d actually had his phone with him.

Not true, if he was on another date he wouldn't be checking his WhatsApp. I know a lot of men (make friends) who organise about three dates simultaneously! I.e chatting to one on the app such as Tinder, messaging on WhatsApp n sometimes Facebook messenger

There are just too many lines of communication these days. This is why I won't do OLD. Call me pessimistic but I hate it all with a passion for reasons such as this.

All my friends are straight males so I see the "other side" if you like and it's not pretty...
not saying it's not all genuine but the majority are just time wasters, one track minded or ego boosters.

MargoLovebutter · 27/02/2019 10:24

Has he replied yet Newdata?

Meandwinealone · 27/02/2019 10:32

I want to know if he replied now !

MzHz · 27/02/2019 16:24

Deffo got a better offer - don’t demean yourself by giving him a second more of your time. Delete and block

Original poster
Newdata · 27/02/2019 21:52

Sorry so yes he did, he realised from my last message that I obviously must have gone along and basically said he assumed as I hadn't heard back from I wouldn't have gone. He apologised profusely again. I replied that ironically I'd thought he had left his phone somewhere or run out of battery so I'd gone as I didn't want to stand him up.

He was online when I sent that (I sent it across two messages), so the first message was an immediate blue tick but then it straight away showed him as 'last seen at...' rather than online and the second message (sent literally 3 seconds later) just delivered but not seen. He has been on WhatsApp since but still not seen the second part of the message Grin

I don't know what all that means but it's pretty funny to watch to be honest.

Don't know how I've come across but I'm genuinely relaxed about it. I'm sure you need a thick skin with OLD and I don't want a relationship anyway (not that I tell em that!)

OP posts:
Hellohappy · 28/02/2019 06:27

He didn’t ask to reschedule?

Kneehigim · 28/02/2019 06:45

Whatsapp stalking!

My guess is he hadn't heard from you, arranged another date and then didn't bother with Whatsapp.

Startinover · 28/02/2019 06:53

If the times were already arranged and confirmed then I dnt understand why he wouldnt turn up just because he didn't have a phone? What reason has he actually given for not showing??x

Startinover · 28/02/2019 06:57

Also maybe tell him 'it's ok I'm glad u stood me up - met a lovely guy while waiting for u 🤣🤣🤣'

Alison100199 · 28/02/2019 06:57

Sack him off. The being online and not reading your second message after standing you up and not suggesting rebooking is rude. Too much hassle this early on.

ALannisterInDebt · 28/02/2019 07:00

Block and move on. Don't take it personally, he hasn't even met you yet.

MachineBee · 28/02/2019 07:13

I’m glad you’re not letting this get to you. My experience of OLD is that there are too many game players out there. Dating shouldn’t be this much hassle. It should and can be fun. But you have to learn the what the early red flags are and walk away at the first sign. Then you can keep your precious time for the decent guys.

Original poster
Newdata · 28/02/2019 07:15

Oh he did ask to reschedule when he initially messaged to say sorry

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 28/02/2019 07:26

Don't engage any more. He knows what he's doing. Dont let him treat you like shit hanging on the edge of a thread.

shitwithsugaron · 28/02/2019 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Newdata · 28/02/2019 07:31

I was thinking last night if I was a bit more invested or had even met him a few times this whole blue tick thing would be deeply stressful

OP posts:
purpleelk · 28/02/2019 07:34

I would assume he got asked to do something else and he replied... let me check if I’m free - and sent you the text. When you didn’t reply, he figured you were never going to go through with it and actually show up.

Sadly, lots of people send last minute (as in 5 minutes before meeting) texts to cancel or just chicken out and never show up. He’s probably been on the receiving end of this but it would be a bit insulting to say to you he assumed you were doing this.

So he probably did whatever the other activity was, and either forgot his phone or he switched it off.

I think the latter because most people would just go back to work and get their phone, if they had forgot it.

That said, I don’t think it’s any of your business asking what he did instead and if I was the guy, your passive aggressive “better date” would probably make me not reschedule another one with you.

Rubberduckies · 28/02/2019 08:07

I don't think it's your 'fault'. He was a bit daft not to go because he guessed you wouldn't go but sounds to me like an unfortunate misunderstanding. Maybe I'm soft but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt at this point!

Coronapop · 28/02/2019 08:14

It wasn't your fault and in your position I wouldn't bother meeting again. What sort of person, having made a definite arrangement, leaves a person they have arranged to meet standing on their own outside a bar, and doesn't bother to contact them? He found something better to do IMO. The excuse doesn't ring true.

Original poster
Newdata · 28/02/2019 08:16

I do think it was a misunderstanding. It's not what I'd have done, I'd have gone just in case. But I don't think it was malicious or there was really very much thought at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newdata · 28/02/2019 08:16

Which of course isn't great in it's own way but is better than just being deliberately horrible.

OP posts:
Hellohappy · 28/02/2019 08:27

I met someone online who seemed really nice. He had been on the site some time but admitted that he had never met anyone in person. He had turned up to meet one poor woman in a taxi, chickened out and went home without telling her. He’s still on the dating websites!!