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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I can't stand my partner right now.

127 replies

nothingdaboutmyp · 22/02/2019 23:35

I'm in my third trimester so not sure if this is hormonal or if he's just being a total arse.

All he does is play his games and shout his mouth off on his headset talking his friends even though he knows I'm trying to sleep. If he dies on the game he will shout and swear and throw his controller over the room.
He hasn't done anything around the house for months.
He CONSTANTLY borrows money from me and doesn't pay it back and tbh it seems the only time he speaks to me with any respect is when he wants money.
He's been paid today and picked up less than half of what he should have, and it's no where near enough for him to put half towards our bills let alone pay me a penny back, AND HE DOESNT CARE! He won't call his boss to question him about it. So even though I'm on shoddy maternity pay, I'll have to go into my savings AGAIN to pay our bills, and then have to lend(give!) him money for his bills yet again. I started saving when we were TTC, and most of it has gone because he randomly quit his job for 3 months just after we got our positive (apparently someone spoke to him in a tone he didn't like). So I had to support us both during that time with absolutely zero thanks or appreciation. It's not even about the money, he's my partner and I'd happily support him where I can, but IM ON MATERNITY the money isn't going to just appear!!! I tried to save so I could still pay half to everything whilst I was off and he's had it all! I just want a bit of appreciation and more importantly team work and for him to pick up a bit of the concern regarding how we're going to pay our rent - for where our child is going to live!!!😡😡😡😡😡

OP posts:
PlinkPlink · 27/02/2019 11:37

Oh OP. It's sad I know ... i wasn't quite in the same situation but that moment when you try one last time to see if it can work and realise it never will. It's very sad.

But I promise you, you are doing the right thing for you and your baby. The fact he didn't come with you to the hospital speaks volumes. When I was pg with DS, I had to go the hospital because his movements had changed. It was just my midwife being cautious but OH took himself out of work and drove us there, stayed with us the whole time and made sure we were safe. He did it because he was worried, because he cared, because he loved us. It sounds like your P does not feel any of those things, I'm sorry to say.

Listen to his actions. See what they are. Make your plans and go sweetheart. Please. Be safe and be happy. Let us know how you are too.

Original poster
nothingdaboutmyp · 27/02/2019 17:33

He woke me up this morning to tell me he was taking the day off to "take care of me", and then went back to sleep until 1pm. I later found out from a friend of a girlfriend of a chap he plays his games with that he was on there until 4am. That's why he didn't go in!

Then when he did wake up, straight back on the game.

We're supposed to be at a class at the hospital this evening and we're going to be embarrassingly late because he couldn't drag himself off him game - and yet I have told him (and I honestly mean it!) I am more than happy to go alone but he won't let me.

So instead I have to go with the father of my child and explain how sorry I am we missed the important class about birth- he was saving the virtual universe.

I can't even look at him right now I've really had enough. This is NOT the man I chose to start a family with.

OP posts:
PaleRider1 · 27/02/2019 18:22

Pack a few bags and go home to your family. Why keep on putting yourself through this? It isn’t going to get better.

End it, walk away. You and your baby are important, not him.

coffeeandpyjamas · 27/02/2019 18:38

Leave this pathetic excuse of a man. It will only get worse after the baby is born. He doesn’t deserve you OP and on the other side of it, you baby & you deserve far better.

AuntMarch · 27/02/2019 19:01

Please just go and stay with someone, put your baby first and get rid of the extra stress you don't need (him)

Boobiliboobiliboo · 27/02/2019 19:05

Firstly, if he’s truly self employed he doesn’t have a boss.

Secondly, he’s a cunt. Get out now.

Blanca87 · 27/02/2019 19:07

You really need to get a grip or a back bone, then tell him to fuck off.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 27/02/2019 19:34

Leave.

Leave.

Leave.

The closer you get to the baby coming, the further he is going to regress (because that's what's happening).

Leave now. It only gets worse from here. I promise you.

Holidayshopping · 27/02/2019 19:37

Why would you not leave this man child?

Noodles4Me · 27/02/2019 19:48

Christ. Just bloody leave. He won't even notice.

You deserve so much more. Come on girl, you can do it

Feelsdeadpeople · 27/02/2019 19:54

Leave.

Or rather, change the WiFi password, then leave.

Holidayshopping · 27/02/2019 20:00

Do you own or rent? Whose name is it in?

You need a plan as you can’t stay living there like this.

PlinkPlink · 27/02/2019 20:04

Is he playing Mass Effect? /misses point of last post/

You poor thing. Are you thinking about leaving OP? It's only going to get worse I'm afraid.

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 27/02/2019 20:13

You need to leave. Do NOT put him on the birth certificate or give the baby his surname.

wheresthehope · 27/02/2019 20:50

Please leave him OP...He is not good for you and certainly wont be good for your baby.
Don't put him on the birth cert or give the baby his last name.

Happynow001 · 28/02/2019 05:42

Really what positives does he bring into your life? What sort of father will he be to your new baby? It must be so hard for you now and you will be anxious with the upcoming birth and the first few months when you will need your partner to step up. What other measures can you put in place to get the support you will surely need - given it's unlikely you will get this from him? Do please speak to your family ask ask for help. Good luck with it all OP.

userwithnumbers · 28/02/2019 06:33

Oh OP my heart broke for you reading this. You know what has to happen though, so it's now time to start thinking/talking practically. Firstly though you actually have to let him know that this relationship is over. It really does sound like your baby's life would be worse with him around, so please don't delay in doing this.

Livid21 · 28/02/2019 09:54

Please leave before the baby is born. It’ll be horribly tough BUT better than waiting until after. I hope you can find the strength x

TightPants · 28/02/2019 10:12

OP, please leave. He’s a cunt.
Just imagine putting a crying baby into this awful situation.

You sounded like you knew what you had to do then gave him another chance. He will not change, don’t waste your time.

And I say all this as someone with an ex who’s a complete arse and who’s raised my DS alone since birth.

TightPants · 28/02/2019 10:13

Love the idea of changing the WiFi password before you go though WinkGrin

Blondebakingmumma · 28/02/2019 10:16

Starting planning an exit. Do you really want your baby to be around a man who yells at the tv and so clearly disrespects you?
Stop lending him money.
Start looking for an alternative place to live.
I would consider not putting his name on the birth certificate too.

whasoaw1 · 28/02/2019 10:16

It sounds like he's addicted to the computer. That's a tough shell to break through. You can stop him by sto

TheFaerieQueene · 28/02/2019 10:17

I’m not sure this is a home to bring a baby into. A new baby is stressful enough without this waste of space in the mix.

Slowknitter · 28/02/2019 10:26

He's not just addicted to the game, he's a Grade A arsehole. There is no point in talking to him and trying to get him to change, OP - he treats you with utter contempt and doesn't care. This aggressive, bullying excuse for a man should not be around your baby or you.

SlowDown76mph · 28/02/2019 10:29

Go to your family. Now. If you were my daughter, I'd be nurturing and protecting you, supporting you. Because that's what you do for someone you love - unlike your partner who is spectacularly failing to do so.

It's time for you to focus on your baby's well-being. Everything else can wait; housing, bills, relationship. Because there is a priority order here, and it isn't an immature man-child who doesn't deserve your time or head-space. Focus.

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