I can't stand my partner right now.

[nothingdaboutmyp]

I'm in my third trimester so not sure if this is hormonal or if he's just being a total arse.

All he does is play his games and shout his mouth off on his headset talking his friends even though he knows I'm trying to sleep. If he dies on the game he will shout and swear and throw his controller over the room.
He hasn't done anything around the house for months.
He CONSTANTLY borrows money from me and doesn't pay it back and tbh it seems the only time he speaks to me with any respect is when he wants money.
He's been paid today and picked up less than half of what he should have, and it's no where near enough for him to put half towards our bills let alone pay me a penny back, AND HE DOESNT CARE! He won't call his boss to question him about it. So even though I'm on shoddy maternity pay, I'll have to go into my savings AGAIN to pay our bills, and then have to lend(give!) him money for his bills yet again. I started saving when we were TTC, and most of it has gone because he randomly quit his job for 3 months just after we got our positive (apparently someone spoke to him in a tone he didn't like). So I had to support us both during that time with absolutely zero thanks or appreciation. It's not even about the money, he's my partner and I'd happily support him where I can, but IM ON MATERNITY the money isn't going to just appear!!! I tried to save so I could still pay half to everything whilst I was off and he's had it all! I just want a bit of appreciation and more importantly team work and for him to pick up a bit of the concern regarding how we're going to pay our rent - for where our child is going to live!!!😡😡😡😡😡

From the sound of it your already doing this alone. Get your ducks in a row. He needs to find elsewhere to live, he can find a shared house. He’s already not paying his part towards the rent and your dipping into you savings, make the change as quick as you can.

Yeah, nothing. Although I'm not 100% sure I did the checks right.

I'm so annoyed, he is still shouting his mouth off on the game! It's pathetic. I just want some sleep.

He's got work at 6.30am as well. Although I'm questioning now if he's even been going to work at all.

I just want to get away from him, I've stopped feeling hurt by his actions and now I'm just angry.

He shouted at me yesterday for slowing down in the car when I got near a group of kids on bikes?! And I mean really shouted at me. How insane is that?! What was I supposed to do, run them over?????

Sling the lying, sponging, immature waste of space out! Do you have a large brother or two? A scary step dad? Find a couple of big blokes to back you up, pack his shit and get rid.
It's not your problem where he goes-he's not worrying about what happens to you is he?
Honestly, it's not going to get any better. Forget any hopes you had about him stepping up and becoming a good partner and father. He won't. I'm sorry (I really am) but the quicker you accept this the sooner you can move on with your life.

You're right, everything you've said is right. I'm embarrassed and so angry I've let things carry on this long and get so bad 😞

I knew for months that my ex was cheating on me, if I had a inkling of money or family support I would have moved out straight away as I have a young DD. It’s miserable when you want to leave but can’t but it’s a nightmare if you pretend to be together.

I feel so tired all the time and I’m trying to get back on my feet and desperately need a job. But you can do this! The relief I felt when we broke up was immense.

I'm sure someone who knows all the ins and outs will advise about NOT putting his name on the baby's birth certificate.

It’s not your fault. People often stay in bad relationships for longer than they should because they hope things will get better/back to how they were. Getting out before baby is here is important now though. Take care.

God he’s a useless idiot.

Are you ok?

Hi @nothingdaboutmyp

If you hadn't list said he's 30, I could've sworn this was my ex husband. He's almost 30 though. Even down to me going out of the house to get away, but then feeling so depressed, like I had nowhere to go, but didn't want to go home either.

I had three children with the idiot. He would be so nice to me in the two weeks after I gave birth. I think I got addicted to that and wanted him to be like that all the time.

He got worse and was violent while I was pregnant with the first two, emotionally abusive with the third. Then he walked out just after I had the third baby, no warning, nothing.

He's not in our lives now.

I'm remarried and pregnant again and my now DH is not perfect but he doesn't so ANY of the things my ex did.

You and your baby don't have to live like this xx

My 'D'P started being a shit during pregnancy, our DD is now 2 and his behaviour has just got worse and worse I can recognise so many things you say about your partner in mine. I wish I had got out of the relationship during pregnancy, it's so much harder now further down the line, plus the guilt of DD not seeing her father who she adores so much anymore. I'm just biding my time at the moment due to living arrangements, but I should be moving out in a month or two. The suddenly being nice when they want something is how they trap you, I cannot count the number of broken promises he's made, but that scrap of hope that they will be the person you thought they were isn't a good thing. It's ok to give up, it isn't your job to suffer to try and 'help' him.

Hmm you might need to ask family to go guarantor for rent for a smaller place then if you aren’t workong now. Can you make sure you get the deposit back form this place, and don’t give a penny to your ex.

OP, please stop calling yourself an idiot. You are nothing of the sort- you are simply a woman with normal expectations that your partner would behave as a decent human being.
He is the idiot here, not you.
Please get advice from Women’s Aid. They will tell you your options and help you to get rid of him safely and manage without him.
You need some financial advice, but it should be perfectly possible to stay in your present accommodation once he’s been thrown out - perhaps you could have a lodger to share the bills, or you may be entitled to some income support etc. Once your maternity leave ends, you will be back on a full salary and better able to manage.
This abusive shit is dragging you down and contributing nothing. You will be better off in every way - emotionally and financially - if you are not carrying him as a burden on your life. Good luck, OP.

It sounds like you're ready to leave OP.

I can assure you that when baby comes you will have an amazing time but it really is very stressful and tiring. His behaviour will get so much worse. You will be on your own anyway it seems.

When he goes to work, get the locks changed. Pack up his stuff in bags. Throw them out the window for him when he comes back. I'm sure he can stay at a mates or at his parents. You are not his responsibility!!!

Time for him to grow up I think.

Alternatively, leave. Put everything in his name before you go. Bills and rent. All needs to being his name of he won't leave. Again, am opportunity for him to take responsibility and grow the fuck up.

Either way, he has shown his true colours. He doesn't give a fuck about you or your baby. I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But you do sound extremely capable and I have no doubt you will be a brilliant mother.

Best end it before the baby comes...be used to life as a single parent from the beginning.

He doesn't deserve to be with you... stop giving him the privilege of being your DP/BF.

YOu said you have somewhere to go - go there. STAY there. Worry about getting him out of your house at a later date. Take your name off all the bills. All this can be sorted out later when you are free.

If you re holding off because the baby could come any time, bear this in mind - it will be infinitely more difficult to deal with his behaviour when you are trying to care for a tiny needy baby with NO HELP.

You will be literally better off without him.

You are not an idiot OP not at all.

Like everyone says, there's a pattern of abuse that deteriorates in pregnancy. You have identified what's going on before your baby arrives which is great because you and your child will do really well away from this guy.

You are doing great OP.

First of all it seems your friends are good at talking and not doing. Stop taking their advice. Maybe don't even update them anymore and reserve that for your family who are helpful.

Next stop doing things for this guy. I would stop engaging with him at this point and stop giving him money. You need that money.

Is your home rented or bought? This is the main thing as you need to find a way to get out of this mess.

Stop calling yourself an idiot please, you are not. You are living with an idiot and feel trapped but you aren't. Your posts make it clear that you are intelligent and competent. Sort stuff out, starting today, to separate from him. I'd advise not putting his name on the birth certificate and keeping as clean a break as possible. Co-parenting with a child, which is how he is behaving, will be hard.
Good luck, you can easily do it. Ask your family to help.

You need to look an plan how you're going to get out of this, as getting angry and ranting may make you feel better in the short term but it won't change a thing.

The longer you're with him the longer he will drain your finances, and the worse the position you'll be in. Don't give him anymore money, he's a parasite who had leeched off you for long enough.

Approach your family and ask for help. Speak to them and see if they will let you move back in or if they could assist with help for a deposit.

It it's rented and the lease is in your name you can give notice and move in with family or friends temporarily. You will already then have half the money towards renting a new place up front as presumably if the place isn't trashed you will get your deposit back. You could then put a little aside each week to have a cheaper place when baby comes.

This person is perfectly capable of finding somewhere to go, he just won't while he has an easy option of staying with and sponging off you. You will have to make is so he has no choice!

Abusers never change and it's even harder to navigate everything with a baby in toe. Make your move now!

Right it’s time to put your big girl pants on. Stop being self deprecating and DO something. What’s your living situation? You pay for the place, rented or owned? Whose name is on the deeds/tenancy?

You won't feel better about this situation when the baby comes is there anyway you can move in with your presents for abit? The best thing to do is leave.

It would be better to end it now before you have your hands full with the baby (I mean the actual one not the big baby on the games). Seek advice and support from Womens Aid and family, make a plan and get him out. Get financial advise. It's your home, and you can get advice about how to stay there or move to something else affordable. And no you're not an idiot, he is as he has lost you by his immaturity and abusive behaviour.

Sorry I haven't posted it's been a terrible few days. Had to go into the hospital with reduced movements, they were pretty concerned about baby so had to stay for a while but home now and baby is moving a lot again so really relieved. Can't wait to have her here and safe now it's really stressful isn't it?!

Things with P are terrible, I've tried to talk to him and had absolutely no luck. Tonight is the first night I've been home and I tried to make an effort with him because, well I don't know. And he was absolutely horrible, I tried to sit with him whilst he played his game and read my book and he had a go at me for not giving him enough room. I was sat up, he was lay down. He had plenty of room.

I asked if we could talk and he said no, I came upstairs because I was so annoyed and he came up and shouted at me for crying and said it's no wonder he doesn't want to spend any time with me when all I do is cry and moan. He stomped off and now I can hear him swearing and shouting at the game again.

Now I feel like a total moron for coming back here and trying to make an effort after the horrible few days I've had (of which he didn't even suggesting coming to the hospital). I know in my bones now that it's over and I can't help but be really sad, we were once so happy and in love and I don't understand what went wrong 😞 my heart is broken.

This is going to be a tough time but you need to make the break for your new baby that will be here soon.

This 'man' is addicted to gaming unfortunately and will be neither use nor ornament to you.

Tell him it's over and get some family/friends to be there when you do. He can leave and collect his stuff later.

Nothing "went wrong" op, the mask has just slipped.

The sooner you can get your head around that and plan your exit the better.