Is it possible for a man and a women to literally just be platonic friends?

[me88]

With no feelings or thoughts of something more. On both sides. Ever?

Your thoughts?

I am what MN seems to despise the most - a single woman who has a married male friend that I consider one of my best friends - we met through work although I no longer work there. We still chat by text a few times a week, meet for lunch/coffee if he's in my area or I'm in his.

We chat about the same things I chat to my female friends about... our kids, what crap we're watching on tv, which books were reading, work etc & while we do have what you'd call banter it's generally taking the piss out of each other in the same way I do with female friends/my brothers.

I care about him immensely & I miss working with him but it's purely platonic, always has been yet I've no doubt MN would class it as an emotional affair

I'm firmly in the yes men & women can have platonic friends camp & if I was to get into a relationship at the first sign of them having an issue with my male friend they'd be out the door - as they would if they had an issue with any of my friends because I won't be dictated to about who I can/can't or should/shouldn't be friends with... if they have an issue then it's theirs I won't have it be made mine! But I'm old & cynical & wouldn't put up with most of the shit people seem to put up with in a relationship.

Yes of course. The only exception is when there has been an affair and they say ‘we can just be friends’! I have been fed this line. I told him he had to stop seeing her. They are still together despite him asking me to have him back with astonishing regularity (for the past 9 months). He literally wants his cake and eat it. It was s no from me! Even exes I have no problem with.

@Purplejay your post is irrelevant to the question as that relationship has involved a non platonic relationship and so will never be a true platonic relationship. Doesn't mean you can't have a a true platonic friendship with a different Male, and doesn't mean he's shagged every female he's been friends with.

Does it become more difficult to develop a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex when you're already in a relationship? If the friendship predates the relationship is it easier to accept?

My dh has always found it easier to get along with women and I've had no problem with his female friends. However, I struggled with a friendship he developed with a woman 10 years ago. I didn't particularly like her - she's stand too close to my dh when we were together (I realise that makes me sound a bit mad) and I started to feel left out when she was around. From my dh's side, he thought it was platonic, but I didn't get that feeling from her. I never objected to him seeing her as I've never been the controlling type, but it got a bit messy and he barely texts/talks to her now.
To cut a long story short, I'm more wary now! Generally, yes men and women can have platonic friendships.

I'm firmly in the yes men & women can have platonic friends camp & if I was to get into a relationship at the first sign of them having an issue with my male friend they'd be out the door - as they would if they had an issue with any of my friends because I won't be dictated to about who I can/can't or should/shouldn't be friends with... if they have an issue then it's theirs I won't have it be made mine! But I'm old & cynical & wouldn't put up with most of the shit people seem to put up with in a relationship.

I agree entirely with this, and I'm married -- fortunately to someone who doesn't regard me going on holiday with a male friend as Relationship Treason.

@whiskeysourpuss but would you discuss problems about your relationship with this man? Would you flirt with him if your husband was being a bit distant? It’s only a small leap if you did do this, and many people, men especially I think, would then all too easily become emotionally attached in a way that is more intimate than they intended.

You may have really good boundaries, and that’s fine. Tbh I think a lot more women do than men. A lot don’t, they don’t see that line. They start to compare and lean on their opposite sex relationship when times are tough with their spouse, and things turn. It is so easy. You don’t have to be an ‘inate cheater’ whatever that is, to then start to betray your partner.

If we were all very healthy, boundaried individuals this would not be a problem.

And I’ve tonnes of gay friends where this also comes up a lot! Don’t think they are free of it. Relationship break ups because Tony’s ‘very good friend’ at the gym started to become flirty.

Also, just to say, can we have a little less of the smug ‘I’ve got such close Male friendships and a perfect marriage’?! I have not dissed your set up. However I will not be talked down by your smugness to believe that I am jealous and controlling, and neither are other posters.

We are just people who have had our lives devastated by partners who did not protect our relationships with good boundaries. Those same partners are now bitter exes who are shocked that their kids and lives are broken, and can never be repaired. They are not happy people!

@PinaColada1 I don't think there's anything smug about pointing out that married people can have healthy platonic relationships with the opposite sex. I think it's just answering the OPs question. Yes they can . Not sure how that is smug.

@PinaColada1 I'm not in a relationship & actually haven't been for the entire time I've known my friend... I have dated though & yeah I did discuss it with him when a guy I was dating wanted more from me than I was willing to give in terms of a relationship same as I discussed it with my closest female friends & my other male friend but he's gay so apparently that's ok .

As for flirting with him no I wouldn't & if I did he'd most likely ask why the fuck I was being a weirdo 🤣🤣

I just note a distinct ridiculing and accusations of ‘being jealous and controlling’ of myself and other posters who have painful and real experiences of the devastation that our partners ‘good friends’ and the consequences.

I have been nothing but respectful of other posters who have said that they have very close friendships and also marriages.

So I would ask for the same.