Is it possible for a man and a women to literally just be platonic friends?

[me88]

With no feelings or thoughts of something more. On both sides. Ever?

Your thoughts?

Yes it is perfectly normal, I've got two really good Male friends, one of which I've known for 30 years, there's never been any hint of anything untoward on either side

Yes and no.

I’ve got loads of male friends but in my experience once we’ve reached a certain threshold of closeness and emotional intimacy I’ve always either ended up sleeping with them or the friendship going weird. All of my significant exes were friends first

Yes totally possible.

I think women are better at this than men to be honest

It is possible but there is often an undercurrent IME. My best friend is male and we both feel an attraction to each other beyond friendship. He is in a relationship but sometimes lets slip how he wishes things were different, then we have to pull away from each other again. It can be painful but we remain respectful of each other and always honest. I love him dearly and he does me and has told others he would rather have me in his life forever so it will remain a friendship rather than risking a more intimate one.

Yes it is possible, I have had a lot of male friends because I worked in a male dominated industry for six years and my long term hobby which is gaming is dominated by men. Many women game but they hardly ever pop up in public lobbies in chat mainly due to being harassed.

BUT at least a third have at some point declared feelings or had behaviour that has made me question if they are purely platonic. The absolute worst was when DH and I separated for a few months a couple of years ago. It was at that point two long term friends, one was of ten years and I had been to his stag night and am also friends with his wife made a play for me.

DH was my work colleague and friend for two years when he declared love and I mean all the bells and whistles you are my soulmate stuff to me. It actually freaked me out initially. Fishdoggy that was how I felt about DH, dating felt too risky as I wanted him in my life forever 100%.

Male here. My best friend is female, regularly been on holiday together, twin beds in the same room. If I listed my ten closest friends, eight would be female. Never slept with any of them and known some of them 20 years.

I've just been on holiday for the millionth time with my male best friend. And dh and another female friend (who is not in a relationship with male friend). I've been friends with him for over a decade and he's helped me through some awful times, a couple of break ups and never tried it on.

My best friend at work is male too..dh fully fine with both.

I had a good friend I worked with who is male, we worked together for just shy of ten years. I moved away too far to remain in job but we still have a phone catch up a few times a year, and I'd class him as a friend still. We are both married, our partners know we are still in contact, and this has been for a good few years now. It was and remains completely platonic and I see him as a friend, not as a gender.

Yes its possible but no-one will believe that you are just friends and will always assume that there is an affair

what's the line between a really good friendship , and an emotional affair?

Many (not all) of the emotional affair descriptions on MN just seem like coercive control to me. There seem to be a lot of posters who would not tolerate their partner having a close relationship with a member of the opposite sex- and think anyone who does naive. Personally I'd run a mile from that kind of relationship.

Yes of course

I have had and have several.

One of them is stunning. Can't walk down the street without him attracted attention and he is gorgeous. But I just don't fancy him and he doesn't fancy me.

The line for me is when you start hiding stuff. I have never sent texts or had s converstation with them that would hurt Dp if he read it. I have loaned to them and female friends about Dp but he is fully aware I talk about any issues with my friends. So does he. We find getting other point of view help.

I never talk shit about dp though. Do could read any converstation between me and my friends (of both sex) or hear the converstation and I would be fine with it.

When you are hiding stuff or wouldn't want you dp to know its definitely has crossed the line

My DH goes away to hear a band with a female friend, weekends away at gigs and festivals. I’m not remotely jealous or suspicious. I’m just glad I don’t have go and listen to the band.

Some of my friends are male and one is my ex. Nothing is ever going to happen with any of them. I know them to well to be attracted to them.

Also I’m bisexual if I wasnt friends with people who’s had genitals I also have sex with I’d be very lonely.

To be honest dhs friend got very drunk and asked my why I wasn’t trying to jeep them apart. She couldn’t imagine a world where she would be ok with it. The honest truth is if I felt anything like that I’d finish the relationship. I’ve been there before and now I either trust or I don’t, no grey area.

Yes its possible but no-one will believe that you are just friends and will always assume that there is an affair

I have had this. With a work colleague. The rumours were ridiculous. I even had his wife kicking off. We didn't even talk outside work. We worked together in the office, sometimes walked to the canteen for a coffee. In the end I distanced myself from him, that made work difficult so I looked for another job and cut contact.

I didn't want to upset his wife. But I did hear they split when she became convinced he was shagging someone else. I doubt he was. But who knows.

People must be wildly indiscriminate if they fancy absolutely everyone of the opposite sex they have any contact with!
I have male bridge partners, table tennis partners, neighbours and fellow worshippers at church that I’ve known for yonks and regard as friends, but certainly don’t fancy!

No but they might fancy you!

Many (not all) of the emotional affair descriptions on MN just seem like coercive control to me. There seem to be a lot of posters who would not tolerate their partner having a close relationship with a member of the opposite sex- and think anyone who does naive. Personally I'd run a mile from that kind of relationship.

Absolutely to this. I find quite strange and claustrophobic the dogged repetition on here that having any form of emotional intimacy with a person of the opposite sex is 'stealing' from your spouse, and constitutes a kind of non-sexual infidelity itself, even if there's no suggestion of any sexual involvement. I couldn't live with someone that insecure and dogmatic.

I find quite strange and claustrophobic the dogged repetition on here that having any form of emotional intimacy with a person of the opposite sex is 'stealing' from your spouse, and constitutes a kind of non-sexual infidelity itself, even if there's no suggestion of any sexual involvement.

Very creepy and quite sad. I knew a guy who's wife was like this. She stopped him seeing a gay same sex friend as well. Her husband was straight but she said she didn't trust what the friend might be thinking. I think he's quite lonely now and I wonder what would happen to him if the marriage ended as he hasn't really got a wider social support network - even his straight male friends drifted away.

It's nice reading that lots of people have opposite sex friends that they go on holiday with etc. And that their partners are happy with this. I had to really distance myself from a couple of my good male friends during my last relationship and he made me feel that it was wrong to have close male friends. It was one of the reasons why we split - the jealousy and control based on his warped perceptions of friendships were suffocating.

I started believing him too!

So In that case, what's the line between a really good friendship , and an emotional affair?

Exactly the same line that stops me falling in love and having emotional affairs with all my female friends I guess.

Yes loads of men friends
One even flew 2,500 miles to see me get married

Completely agree with everyone saying it’s verh unhealthy in relationships to think all contact with the opposite sex must be prohibited. I dated a guy like this once. I dumped him, and the male friends stayed. Similar to others I have a male friend I’ve shared beds with and been on holiday with - we even went skinny dipping! - and nothing has ever happened between us or even crossed our minds. He’s had a couple of long term girlfriends in the time I’ve known him and one is now a really good friend in her own right. I honestly don’t see him any differently to any of my female friends, and I wouldn’t date anyone who had a problem with it. Friends first - they’re the ones who’ll be there if and when the relationship breaks down

Yes I have a few platonic male friends whom I’ve known for over 20 years. I’m also friends with their spouses and they are all friends with my DH. I see my male friends on their own and we also all get together as a group too. I will sometimes go and hangout with my male friends and their spouses in my own, sometimes my male friends will come and hang out with my and DH on their own.

We have stupid in-jokes and stuff going back years, but I would never discuss something with my male friends that I wouldn’t discuss with DH. I would also never be secretive about being in touch with my male friends. This is how platonic friendship works.

Yes, it is possible, absolutely! My DH has a few close female friends, one of them introduced us! It's something I really love about him because he just sees women as people! I've known men who couldn't have friendships with women and invariably, in my experience, they were a bit creepy!