Resentment towards Grandparenta

[foxstar3]

Hi
My DH and I have 3 DC. All lovely well behaved etc.
We have 4 sets of divorced parents.
My DM is mentally ill.
But 3 sets of healthy 60-61yr P/PIL.

My FIl will look after DC in our home for around one day every school holiday.

Mil works 2 days per week. Superb heath. 60. Will not stay over night at ours even though free travel and we have 2 spare bedrooms. Literally phoned we begging for help when snowed under with stressful job and her suggestion is to work part time. Or when all 3DC unwell and asked to help said 'GP don't help that's what it's like these days.
When visiting is literally with us for about 2hr. Then has to leave to look after dogs.
Told her dogs are very welcome at ours.

My Dad said would never help out and has never looked after kids alone at all ever.

Feel growing resentment towards them all, particularly mil. Mil recently inherited a lot of money and gave her 2 DC none. Also refused to spend Xmas with us last 2 years due to spending it with single step son and her husband.

All around me GP collect kids from school, have kids for a long weekend, babysit. Etc.

Cannot be bothered to pretend there is a good relationship between a GP and GC who spends 3hr in a restaurant every 3 months, and that's it.

Fed up. What do others think.

My mother never ever helped out or babysat the DDs (who are her only grandchildren). My DPIL, in contrast, have always been interested and very hands on. The DDs are now late teens and have no relationship with my mother at all. She often asks if they would come and see her, but why would they? She has never interacted with them or shown any interest, apart from in competitive grand parenting with her friends. Although she won’t admit it, she bitterly regrets not making more effort when they were younger.

@MrsSchadenfreude
She could change it by making the first move, putting in the effort, talking it out etc. But I'm guessing she wouldn't do any of that?

I had similar, it's all very conditional.

Sadly not all GPs want to be hands on and I think you just have to accept that. It doesnt sound like they are local either so that may make it more difficult for school pickups. You wouldnt have based your decisions to have 3 children assuming you would get support from them... do they feel under pressure to help? I’d be inclined to leave it to them to contact you to see the DCs and see if that changes anything. Is there no way to reduce your hours slightly or work more work at home/ more flexibly? Re the inheritance you are being unreasonable to be put out by it sorry.

Jesus . You had 3 kids. Did you not think about the cost of childcare, babysitters and quality of life beforehand?

I have 1. Would love another but can't really afford a nanny, won't compromise my career or lifestyle so I'm not going to have another.

And definitely wouldn't have another one with the expectation that GPs will provide free childcare.

Makes me really cross that people have as many kids as they want and then moan because they can't afford childcare or nights out.

You don't sound sad. You sound entitled and grabby, particularly in respect of the inheritance issue. Why shouldn't the GPs have great holidays? Your snide little exclamation marks whilst discussing the same say more than your protestations of "sadness". Your kids, your responsibility.

I can understand the OPs disappointment. There’s a difference between wanting regular free childcare and wanting the GP to have enough involvement to have a close relationship with their DGC or help in the occasional crisis. My mum lives 600 miles away and PIL over 350 miles away. They both visit as regularly as they can (every couple of months) and we get down to them when we can - a couple of times a year. I am currently on mat leave and have some KIT days coming up. We asked both sets if they were free to come and look after DD, no pressure if they couldn’t or didn’t want to, DH would take annual leave. We knew they would like first refusal and be flattered that they were trusted with her for a whole day. My DM is retired, DMIL doesn’t work but does one day a week childcare for my SIL and DFIL does work. So my mum has opted to do two days and PIL one day to fit their other commitments. Maybe I was being totally unreasonable to even ask but I think all involved are happy! I think it’s this sort of relationship the OP would like not 2 full days a week of childcare from each GP!

I have twins am i allowed to moan lol?