Do you do your husbands washing?

[Evabear13]

Hello lovely ladies, after a bit of advice. My husband has returned from a weeks holiday leaving me and our two daughters behind. I'm working a lot but always make sure there is a fresh cooked meal, food in cupboards and washing done. He very grumpily said to me yesterday " the house is a shithole". I am a little lost for words as I work incredibly hard- I literally cannot do anymore if I tried. So I thought I would leave his washing to him, going to suggest it tonight. See if he can cope with looking after himself at least a little bit. He does have a very demanding job but so do I ! Do you do your partners washing? I would say it is one of the most time consuming jobs! Any advice greatly appreciated!

He is an arse. When my dh is away for a week, he gets stuck in when he gets back. And is grateful for whatever I manage. I was and dry, he puts away.

The washing is not the issue here! His wider behaviour, on the other hand...

I don't do dh's washing. I do mine and washing for 3 kids. He sorts his own.

I do the laundry and my husband does the cooking. We go on holiday together or together and with children.

Yes, but he does his fair share of preventing the house becoming a shit hole.

I do my husbands washing. And he does mine. If there's a full load, one of us will put the washing machine on. Simple.

It's not 1950.

I occasionally do his washing.

But most of the time he can reach his own testicles.

Yes, I do his washing. And he does mine.

All of our washing goes into one basket and gets done as and when by either of us. It is the same with any other jobs in our life, although he is 100% in charge of the ironing and I do the hoovering.

So, when you go on holiday for a week leaving him at home with the children, presumably the house is immaculate when you get home?

Oh wait... that never happens! Because a man like this would never hold the fort at home so his wife could get a break! He doesn't even do his share, there's no war on earth he'd tolerate doing all of it - not even for a week.

Come on, OP. Think about what these dynamics are teaching your daughters.

(To answer your question, yes I do my husband's laundry, but he also does mine (and our son's) - I probably do more laundry overall, but he does the vast majority of the cooking and more than his fair share of all the other chores.)

Well no because I just do ‘washing’. We have one wash basket and everyone’s (DC included) washing goes in it and one of us does it. Why would we do ‘his’ and ‘hers’?

If he’d been on a trip he would sort his own washing out, why would I do it? We both do washing like we both do any other household jobs because we both live there and we’re both adults.

Your problems extend way beyond washing.

It's family laundry here, always has been. It's the most energy efficient way of doing it.

But this isn't about laundry, is it? This is about your DH's intolerably shitty attitude, and you need to pull him up on it. You both work so household jobs are a shared load. If he isn't there to do his bit, then yep, there's going to be things left undone. Instead of whinging about it, he should roll up his sleeves and muck in.

Anyone who claims laundry isn't a chore is an arse imo. The bit the washing machine does is the easy bit ... the other stuff is extremely time consuming and tedious.

But, op, I don't really think this is a washing issue - is it?

I do the washing but if DH came home and told me the house was a shithole, I'd knock him out. This is much bigger than laundry.

I do the washing as I'm good at it and he isn't (he's had a few goes over the years and we've agreed it's not a strength) but we both love hanging out on the line so we fight over it!

If that helps, H does the washing for me.
I out lol my stuff in the washing bast ans he is usuallynthe ine who deals with it.

Basically, asking himdis own washing and that’s it is not asking enough.
Your expectations re his involvement in the running of the house are very low.
And he is a twat treating yu like a skivvy.

I do my husband’s washing, he does all the ironing. I cook, he washes up. I feed the baby, he baths the baby and puts her to bed, and so on, as we share the chores between us in a way that feels fair. Sometimes one of us does more, and sometimes less, but that’s fine because neither of us would ever take the mickey, and we are fair and kind to each other as a matter of principle. I earn more than my husband but I wouldn’t use that to justify doing fewer chores around the house - yet it’s amazing that men still seem to think it gets them off the hook.

Passive aggression, in the form of not doing his washing and seeing what happens, isn’t really a way to resolve things. You need to be clear and precise about the division of labour and expectations.

He would ask me nicely to clean the bathroom.
I would tell him nicely if he wants it clean he knows where the cloth is.

@myrespite12
Is there someone in real life you can talk to? You really need a plan to leave as you are so obviously unhappy and that is not a caring relationship.
I realise being pregnant makes it more difficult, but do you want to bring a child into this? You would really be better going it alone and making a new family with your little one.

I dont do my DH washing .
Got fed up of doing piles of bloody laundry when both DS were here and asking for it to be put in the laundry bin again and again.
So one day I just did my own and they get on with theirs.
My machine weighs the washing and uses water appropriate to the weight.
I only do one white and one darks a fortnight now .

Its the best thing Ive ever done

I do my husband's washing. But he also does mine. And he would never swan in after being on holiday and say the house was a shithhole. I suggest you go away for a week and leave everything for him to do.

I wash anything that needs it, and so does dh when he does the washing. I do more than him as sahm, but he does more than his share.
He has higher standards than me so if it's not good enough he does it himself.
He moaned at first many years ago, but realises it's his problem not mine.
I think if you both work there should be 50% share of the household responsibilities.

Yes I do, he does mine too - it depends who gets home first and gets to the washing basket.

But then the cooking, cleaning and household management also comes out fairly equal too, so if the house looks like a shithole it's as much his fault /responsibility as mine.

Afraid yours just sounds like a bit of an arse

Well, yes I do...but not if he spoke to me lie that!

I do all the laundry but then my Dh has never made a comment on how messy the house is he would just roll up his sleeves and ask me if there was anything in particular I wanted tackled first.

He also parents the children, cooks meals, cleans down the kitchen every night and is thoughtful, kind and caring. If I am ill (rare) he did school runs, worked from home, looked after me, brought me water when I had been sick, chocolate when I had period pain all because he was raised to be a caring, considerate person, doesn't matter that he is male.

When your Dh commented on the house what did you say? Glad you noticed crack on? No because somehow he sees it as your job.

My DH won't let me do his washing because he knows it's a job I hate and I'm too slow returning stuff to drawers. Plus he worries that his socks will get mixed up with the teenage DCs. He does it himself on a Saturday and I do mine and the rest throughout the week. We always have full loads. He also pops to the shop every day on his way back from work and cooks every night. He'll load and empty the dishwasher as required, tidy the kitchen and put our youngest to bed. We tend to do what needs doing throughout the week without comparing, or believing that we are both assigned particular jobs. He's good at hoovering and tidying at the weekend but not so great at noticing dust or a floor that needs mopping. If he moans about the state of the house (never at me, just general observations) I remind him that he knows where the cleaning materials live. I complain about him a lot but he more than does his fair share of housework. Much more than me to be honest. He works full time, I'm part time.

I don't care that we are living a 1950s life, we have pink and blue jobs here, I do everything in the house and a part time job, he works crazy hours and does the garden, car diy, gross jobs. However that suits us. We also get to have time away together and apart. Both have been to Spain with friends recently. However if he came home from a week away and said my house was a tip, I'd say oi you husband, I don't care if you have been living the life of Riley, if you come into our home and disrespect Our home I'd say Oi husband no! (showing my age 😂) but seriously it's more than washing