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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you do your husbands washing?

120 replies

Evabear13 · 15/02/2019 17:56

Hello lovely ladies, after a bit of advice. My husband has returned from a weeks holiday leaving me and our two daughters behind. I'm working a lot but always make sure there is a fresh cooked meal, food in cupboards and washing done. He very grumpily said to me yesterday " the house is a shithole". I am a little lost for words as I work incredibly hard- I literally cannot do anymore if I tried. So I thought I would leave his washing to him, going to suggest it tonight. See if he can cope with looking after himself at least a little bit. He does have a very demanding job but so do I ! Do you do your partners washing? I would say it is one of the most time consuming jobs! Any advice greatly appreciated!

OP posts:

thefirst48 · 15/02/2019 18:18

All my washing gets done together but I would expect my partner to do his own washing after being away for two weeks. He would be seeing his arse if he ever made comment about the house being a shithole after he's been away for weeks! I wouldn't be doing anything for him but the children only!

zzzzz · 15/02/2019 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillenialMum89 · 15/02/2019 18:21

Yes. I quit work to raise our baby and I keep our home beautiful and treat him like a king, while he brings home the bacon.

enoughisenough2 · 15/02/2019 18:23

Nope.... I don’t touch his laundry at all we have 3 laundry baskets I take care of mine and dd his Is always full... leave him to it you’re not a Slave!!

Original poster

Evabear13 · 15/02/2019 18:25

Wow team thankyou for all the responses! I have never posted on here before!You are right there are bigger issues to be addressed here- I just need that vital energy to deal with them! I also need there to be more balance with the chores so I'm also going to suggest a rota! This will be fun, might go get a glass of wine first !

OP posts:

gt84 · 15/02/2019 18:27

I do all the household washing.
I’ve never heard of couples doing their washing separately? Doesn’t make sense to me.
The reason it is me that does it all is because I work less hours than my husband and I’m home nearly 3.5 hours before him on a weekday as he has a horrendous commute as well as finishing later than me.
I also do all the weekday cooking because of this but he does all the weekend cooking and most of the weekend chores too

Arnoldthecat · 15/02/2019 18:27

Have you considered arranging his washing in the basket and urinating on it, then leaving him to it?

TeacupDrama · 15/02/2019 18:28

we just have 2 laundry baskets lights and darks I do washing 90% of time but that's because it is more economical than having everyone do 2 loads each, i don't put washing on until enough for a full load
DH would start a load if I asked or move load from washing machine to tumble dryer
or put it on himself if just dirty work clothes that we wouldn't wash with anything else
I do 90% of laundry and cooking about 85% of cleaning but DH does 95% of gardening which is a lot as we have a large garden 100% of car maintenance and cleaning ( including things like new brake pads etc ) we share finances though I'm better at it and can do it quicker we discuss big things because I'm self employed at home I probably do more childcare he also does bins and 95% of DIY it is not quite 50/50 but certainly 60/40 he is not lazy

you have a DH problem not a laundry problem, DH has made the odd mild comment about house in the past but he wouldn't now!! after doing stuff when i hurt my ankle , his mother used to do everything, he thought if you did everything really well it would be longer before it needed doing again, he found out however thoroughly you dust it is there again next week

Frangipane · 15/02/2019 18:29

Yes, I do all the washing, not just for my husband, but for our adult children too. I wouldn't mind anyone else doing it, for everyone, but I can't be doing with each person doing just their own. I know some will say that is how things are with them, but i think that is a ridiculous way to proceed when you are living as a family. I do nearly all the housework, and about 70% of the cooking (I enjoy cooking, my son does the other 30%). I work part time, my husband works very long hours full time. He does DIY and all car stuff. I have had people here sling the 'it isn't the 1950s anymore' insult at me more than once.

And I agree, it isn't. Our divide of jobs may be traditional, but one thing is not: I would not take the slightest hint that I was lacking in any of the duties of the house. In other words, if my husband ever came home and complained of the house being a shithole (and he never has or would even though it often is) then I would make it perfectly plain that he could do something about it. You should do the same.

myrespite12 · 15/02/2019 18:32

Sometimes i wonder why we get married?my husband of 3yrs doesnt even clean the toilet properly,i have a fulltime demanding job and i do all the lundry,ironing,cleaning and everything in between he just cooks from time to time when he fancies a particular meal,i have gotten realy bitter with him,he is not nice to me most times, didnt even get a single flower for valentines day,he got upset and left the house at 10pm one evening because i asked him to bring in the lundry while i was doing dishes?used to say i looked ugly and old and am just 30 and i try mybest to look good all the time,he only pays me a compliment when someone else does it first,he passwords everything and deletes messages and to make things worse,i just found out am 5weeks pregnant,the thought of having a child with him makes me so ill,i am totaly miserable. He used to tell me he will send me back to my poor family to die of hunger. Sometimes when i remember all the horrible things he has done to me,i just sit and cry,it was so bad last year he called his family to say he was done with the marriage because i asked why he didnt call me all day,his mom was shocked,she tought i had an affair, when she called me,i broke down in tears and told her everything,and he got angry because i "washed his dirty linen in public".

Youmadorwhat · 15/02/2019 18:33

Yes, but laundry is the only thing my DH doesn’t “do” and the only reason he doesn’t do it is because I am a laundry ocd freak 😂

whatswithtodaytoday · 15/02/2019 18:35

We tend to do our own, but will ask if the other has anything if we don't have a full load but need to do a wash. Or he'll sort and leave me a load to do while I'm working at home. We wait until we have a load, no wasting water here. We also usually do our own ironing.

He does all the cooking and everything car related. I keep the house running (kitchen/bathroom quick cleans, hoovering, beds etc). We both do big cleans when needed.

Threewheeler1 · 15/02/2019 18:44

myrespite12
That's so many shades of wrong! Hope you can find a way out, it sounds bloody awful. Maybe you could do a thread for some support. There are loads of amazing posters on here who have been through similar and can give you some practical and emotional advice

ohcarriemathison · 15/02/2019 18:46

If my Husband came home from a weeks holiday without us and said that I'd be telling him to jog on and go and have a long think about what it is he wants for the future.
I do the washing for the family but my husband puts all the clothes away.
I hate both these jobs but probably hate putting them all away more.

Is your husband normally like this ?

HeckyPeck · 15/02/2019 18:46

He's been on holiday on his own and then complains about the state of the house?

This. He’s taking the right fucking piss! Who does he think he is?

I wouldn’t suggest a rota I’d insist on one and an apology for talking to me like I’m his servent. Fucking cheek!

origamiunicorn · 15/02/2019 18:47

We do each others. We have a dark and a white laundry bin and when it's filling up one of us will just put a load on. I probably do it a bit more but DP does all the vacumning so it's fine with me.

7salmonswimming · 15/02/2019 18:50

Never understood the issue with laundry. The machine does the work, it's not like we use mangles these days.

TowelNumber42 · 15/02/2019 18:57

If you go with a rota he must make the rota. Otherwise it is useless.

DH says this place is a pigsty to me and I to him. This is the cue for everyone to tidy up. Well, for us to tidy up while making a joint effort at forcing recalcitrant children to tidy up too.

Notmorewashing · 15/02/2019 18:58

Why did he go on holiday alone/ who did he go with without you ??????

It would be ok for you to do all the washing if he does all the ironing or whatever.

Notmorewashing · 15/02/2019 18:59

It’s not the actual washing that is hard work it’s the hanging out and putting away that is unmanageable especially in winter

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 15/02/2019 19:03

I do, but generally he is the one to take it down, fold and iron. I usually shop, we both cook, we both clean and put bins out.

He would never, EVER, announce the house is a shithole. Because it’s the job of both of us to keep it clean and tidy.

Don’t mistake a symptom for the problem itself. Your DH is an arse.

Pyjamaface · 15/02/2019 19:11

I do DP's washing if, and only if, it makes it's way into the laundry pile. I don't pick it up for him. If he has left belts on or not emptied pockets then it gets put back dirty on his side of the bed.

I go on holiday without him and DS, the house is often a tip when I get back but I don't complain about it. I get stuck in and help tidy up!

VictoriaBun · 15/02/2019 19:13

A few years ago I was away from the home for over 6 weeks it did not come into his head to change the bedding

KrazyKatlady · 15/02/2019 19:15

yeah it would never occur to me not to. my DH has recently been away for a week, there was a lot less washing to do and a lot less washing up (he loves cooking with a million utensils and pots!) ....but then I paid for it when he came back with a whole machine load of washing!

gubbsywubbsy · 15/02/2019 19:17

I don't see washing as time consuming .. you bung it in and then move to dryer .. cleaning , hoovering , changing beds and cleaning bathrooms are time consuming .. .. anyhoo if you are both working then it should all be shared .

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