Girlfriend Fell Asleep After Sex?🤷🏽‍♂️

[stressedinthought]

Am I over reacting here?

We had a lovely Valentine’s Day together.

Had sex.. she went to the bathroom almost immediately after we finished.. wouldn’t lay and just relax for five minutes which I think is a nice thing to do once you’ve done that. I was so tired.. but waited up for her to come back to bed so we could lay with eachother for a little. She came back to bed.. didn’t say goodnight or anything... and just fell asleep almost instantly... No cuddling up to me or anything. On the other side of the bed as we speak.

The only thing she did was kiss her hand then press it against my lips for a second... like seriously? What?

Im now left wide awake typing this feeling very sensitive and offended? Almost put out?? Especially after the day we had together. Now I’m left just feeling resentful and will almost certainly bring this up tomorrow morning or is that not a wise idea?

It all just felt very rushed and not very romantic at all. How would you guys feel about this? Usually it’s the man who falls asleep and isn’t sensitive about this kind of stuff!!!

Almost feel strange laying here next to her not even being able to put my arm round her properly.

We’ve been together 7 months.

Thank you.

Well, OP....Nope, can't bring myself to the point of caring

I think you need to chill out a bit OP and work on the fact you seem very needy.

*If you have unprotected sex she is the one left with the mess, unless I was trying to conceive I would be right off to the toilet/bathroom too - unless you are happy to swap sides in 10 minutes and sleep in the 'wet spot'?

If I was away I would even less to leave gunk on the bed sheets than normal, yuck. You are taking it too personally, if it unusual and you are worried something is wrong just casually mention it.*

This. I've tried in new relationships to just lie there after and not get up to the bathroom but it's very uncomfortable, without going into too much detail at 8.30am!

Cuddles are nice but if she usually does this and didn't once then I would assume she was tired after a busy day and maybe didn't even want to have sex but did it to make you happy. Maybe ask her how she is this morning but don't make a big deal out of it. You also don't want forced cuddles after sex if she really isn't in the mood.

Who knew so many mumsnetters latr perfection happy when their partnrer shoots his load in them and then rolls over and starts pushing out the zzzzzs without a peep!

You're not compatible. Move on and get help for your anxiety.

Sheelala, takes all sorts. Needy man wanting 'cuddles' when I'm shattered would make me itch.

Wow - I wasn’t expecting so much traction on this post! Thank you for all your inputs... some more brutal than others but I’ve taken it all onboard none the less!

I didn’t mention it to my gf this morning as advised. Everything seems generally fine between us and she seems ok so. I think as some have said she was just very tired..

For those saying about being needy and putting my needs before her health with UTI’s etc.. that’s not the case. I totally respect and understand that. All I’m saying is atleast after that it would have been nice to have a quick cuddle and say good night... not get in bed.. say nothing to me and just go to sleep.. I’m sorry but that is very bizarre when comparing to what we usually do before sleeping.

For those of you saying “long busy day in the city she’s shattered etc” ok I agree with this also but atleast to say goodnight surely even if no quick hug?

I know this may sound needy but to me this is just normal stuff?

stressedinthought

Look, it ain't normal, but you are getting these replies because you are a man.

No way would these posters be happy for their partners to roll off them as soon as he had finished and face the other way and start snoring.

She's probably feeling suffocated going by this thread and your others. She possibly needed space after sex and a full day with you.

It's still all about you this morning, I see.
You sound suffocating.
Stop wasting your time on here over trivialities and go have some fun!!!!!! you're supposed to be having a valentines weekend away aren't you?

I am quite happy for my boyfriend to fall asleep after!

Look, OP, you do sound needy. You sound like your girlfriend gives an inch and you take a mile – escalating from goodnight? Then a hug? Just a cuddle? Let's stay up snuggling? Just as not every time you have sex is going to be filthy hotel dirty shagging, in a LTR you're not going to get the full snugglethon afterwards.

Personally in my relationship I welcomed it when we went from staying up all night obsessed with each other (honeymoon phase) to nights without sex or nights with sex but without the endless cuddle fest afterwards. Think about this: if you see a future with your girlfriend, how many times a week would you want to have sex AND the pillow talk? Do you expect to have the pillow talk stuff forever? Each and every time?

It was a one off. If it happens every time from now on - and if she refuses the chat and cuddles even when she's awake - that's when to worry.

Have you never been so tired that your brain just shuts down and forces you to sleep?

There are hundreds of different types and experiences of 'tired'. Hers was different to yours.

Look, it ain't normal, but you are getting these replies because you are a man.

I'd reply just the same if this was a woman. People are just different. I struggle with sleep and insomnia and really dislike being cuddled when I'm exhausted and trying to sleep. It wakes me up. Where the OP describes his GF as having a "cold and distant" personality, I think "is she just physically quite independent/non-clingy" because I like that in someone. The OP meanwhile would probably be far more compatible with someone like this poster:

RedTartanLass Fri 15-Feb-19 07:50:51
I'm going against the grain here OP and saying I agree with you. I love the time after sex when you're all fuzzy and warm. Love it for lying there chatting, giggling, cuddling. Totally get where you're coming from, I don't think it's needy.

The idea of fuzzy chatting and giggling after sex makes me want to scream as I just want to sleep, but the poster above loves it. It's all about finding someone you're compatible with.

But I agree with other posters who have said that the OP probably needs to work on their anxiety, cause something like this keeping you awake and agonising into the wee small hours is not good.

Sorry OP but it's you who sounds hard work, and clearly have no proper idea about women's health if you think she's unusual for going directly to the bathroom after sex. UTI/cystitis are a huge issue for a lot of women, they are often agony, and no joke. If you think that the chance to prevent that is less important than your own emotional problems and preferences, you need to have a good look at yourself.

Falling asleep and/or doing whatever she likes after sex is up to her, perfectly normal, tv sex isnt real sex, women are not props for your ideal evening to play oit, tgey are humans with preferences and feelings.I just can't imagine how she copes with someone as needy as this, don't you worry about guilting her all the time via this sulking? . Is she really 'cold' or are your needs just so extreme that she can never actually meet them. What if she'd not wanted sex at all 'on Valentine's night' - would that have been a huge personal affront and rejection to you as well?

It's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other, presumably if she didn't say a word to you, you didn't to her either, otherwise she'd have replied to you. You could've gone in for a bit of a spoon/cuddle or kissed her shoulder or something. Is it always about you needing her to shower you with affection? That's a rhetorical question as I think you've had enough to take on board and hopefully you're over it today.

I have some sympathy for you OP. I never go to the toilet after sex (never had the need/urge to do so but I'm not prone to UTIs). My DP and I have our own mini ritual before we fall asleep, we always say the same thing, but it also works in the way to not trying to keep the other one awake. We haven't done it a few times because one of us falls asleep. It does feel odd but it's not the end of the world. I once faked being asleep just to see if he did it regardless and he did, I found that very sweet. You do sound needy but haven't read your other threads.

OP, I understand wanting a quick goodnight kiss or the like and I probably would be a bit upset too if I was used to getting one and didn't.

But yes exhaustion happens and sometimes we do get so tired we just want/have to sleep. Sometimes it's not really in our control. Unless it's a repeating pattern where she stops being affectionate with you, I wouldn't worry.

Make an effort to stop overthinking things as it can unfortunately damage a relationship. Perhaps reflect upon why you're so hurtful by her passing out? Do you have issues with not feeling loved enough? Do you have previous abandonment issues? Etc.

Also about her immediately cleaning herself afterwards, it is necessary and this you cannot whinge about. If you want to cuddle straight after, use a condom.

Good luck in the future.

I know this may sound needy but to me this is just normal stuff?

You feel "needy" because she is cool and distant. If she acted needy, you'd be the cool and distant one.

Are you usually the person who gets restless in relationships when you're with someone "keen"?

Are you usually keener on people who you can't see very often, or who are a bit detached? Or are you usually running away from overly emotional types?

Do you fall fast and hard in love, idolising the other person, turning a blind eye to faults... then end up finishing the relationship later on, due to those exact same faults, or things you knew about the person right from the start?

If it's any consolation I ALWAYS clean up straight away otherwise I'd be lying in it all night. ALWAYS, without fail. (Obviously the first few times I didn't and that's how I know it's not good.)

And if the sex has been good I fall asleep immediately too. Maybe not romantic but that's how it is. Life isn't romantic fiction, it's a bit more gritty.

So she did something that men do all the time. How absolutely dare she!

@stressedinthought instead of starting a thread on here and getting a load of strangers to make assumptions about why your girlfriend acted the way she did, did you not think to just ask her if she was ok? 🤨

OP I think you are getting a hard time. The going straight to sleep thing without any cuddling was something that made me feel let down after sex with H. But she did kiss her hand and put them to your lips which I think shows she was just really tired - I'd let it go and expect it to happen many times if you stay together!!! At some point, it will be you doing this I expect.

I may add she ALWAYS gets up after sex straight away.. no laying for even two minutes.. I find that a bit rubbish.

I find it rubbish feeling DP's cum dribbling out of me on to my side of the bed that I then have to lie on to fall asleep.

I do, however, take your point that it's a bit odd she cleaned herself and turned away from you. Maybe she didn't enjoy the sex? Did she orgasm? If she did, maybe she faked it to get it over with? Sometimes DP finishes literally after a minute or two if we haven't had sex for a little while (a week) and I feel a bit grumpy afterwards as he doesn't make sure I'm sorted out. Could it be that?

Man up fella, my DW is usually snoring before I have finished washing my undercarriage. Gives me a chance to switch on MOTD with no need for any post coital pillow talk

What’s the problem here? Good sex can make you sleepy. Holding someone asleep and gently purring can be special. Just snuggle down with them.

It is a bigger concern if someone falls asleep during sex!!!!!!