Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Girlfriend Fell Asleep After Sex?🤷🏽‍♂️

110 replies

stressedinthought · 15/02/2019 01:39

Am I over reacting here?

We had a lovely Valentine’s Day together.

Had sex.. she went to the bathroom almost immediately after we finished.. wouldn’t lay and just relax for five minutes which I think is a nice thing to do once you’ve done that. I was so tired.. but waited up for her to come back to bed so we could lay with eachother for a little. She came back to bed.. didn’t say goodnight or anything... and just fell asleep almost instantly... No cuddling up to me or anything. On the other side of the bed as we speak.

The only thing she did was kiss her hand then press it against my lips for a second... like seriously? What?

Im now left wide awake typing this feeling very sensitive and offended? Almost put out?? Especially after the day we had together. Now I’m left just feeling resentful and will almost certainly bring this up tomorrow morning or is that not a wise idea?

It all just felt very rushed and not very romantic at all. How would you guys feel about this? Usually it’s the man who falls asleep and isn’t sensitive about this kind of stuff!!!

Almost feel strange laying here next to her not even being able to put my arm round her properly.

We’ve been together 7 months.

Thank you.

OP posts:
fatbrows · 15/02/2019 02:40

The weird part to me is that she came back and didn't say anything to you at all... seems a bit distant and cold imo
I only ever do that if I'm mad

MrsTerryPratcett · 15/02/2019 02:57

Then again I know it’s to prevent UTI’s etc.

Are your feeling more important than her health?

I think I've said this before but I don't think you're ready for a relationship and you need to do some work on yourself. You ignore this advice, though so I don't know why I'm bothering!

Floydian · 15/02/2019 02:59

If she has as you say "a very cold and distant personality" and you are not like that, or don't see yourself that way, then you could be mismatched. You could be wasting your time and maybe you should move on

DameIfYouDo · 15/02/2019 03:13

She's just not as into you putting your paw around her at night as you are.

pissedonatrain · 15/02/2019 03:21

Good lord I don't miss this shite one bit.
Haven't had a UTI from his dirty nob since he fecked off.

Try closing your eyes and going to sleep. It won't matter when you wake up.

Kittykat93 · 15/02/2019 03:21

So why didn't you say goodnight to her or put your arm round her when she got back into bed? Instead you just lay there having a sulk??

StoppinBy · 15/02/2019 03:26

If you have unprotected sex she is the one left with the mess, unless I was trying to conceive I would be right off to the toilet/bathroom too - unless you are happy to swap sides in 10 minutes and sleep in the 'wet spot'?

If I was away I would even less to leave gunk on the bed sheets than normal, yuck. You are taking it too personally, if it unusual and you are worried something is wrong just casually mention it.

Middlrm · 15/02/2019 03:49

If she has always been that way then don’t worry yourself, but if it is going to be an issue in general it is something you need to discuss as it’s only going to become a bigger problem than it needs to be. If cuddles and being tacktile is a big thing speak up if she can’t do it she may not be the right girl for you.

Not because there is anything wrong with either of you but perhaps if it’s that big a deal then she isn’t right for you.

But think his you feel speak to ortner when calm and collected when you feel in a good place on neutral ground and see how the land lies. Somethings you can meat each other half way on somethings you have accept or move on.

It would be an issue for me so I sympathise x x

Lozzerbmc · 15/02/2019 03:55

I think you are almost certainly over reacting she may well have just been tired.

Itsnotme123 · 15/02/2019 04:34

The fact that she came back to bed, and fell asleep without a word seems odd. Are you sure she went straight to sleep ? Was she pretending ? I think she’s pissed off about something. The fact that you are overly sensitive and she’s a cold sort sounds like a real mis match. I noticed that you have a long distant relationship, and I have a feeling it’s not going to last.

Nc1548 · 15/02/2019 04:40

OP I completely love my DH. UTI prevention is non negotiable, even though I'd rather stay in bed. Regarding cuddling up afterwards we've tryed...he gets too hot, his arm hurts my neck...so regardless of what Hollywood says is romantic we quite like sleeping comfortably in our own sides of the bed.
I'd take it as a compliment that she went straight off to sleep.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/02/2019 04:43

It sounds as if you’re very different emotionally and she is unable to be the person you want her to be. You need to look after your emotional needs better or split up. She is not responsible for all of your feelings. No one person can do that. As for snuggling for a while after sex, if she’s prone to utis that’s the last thing she should do. Would you like a poker with spikes on the side up your penis?

Zoflorabore · 15/02/2019 04:46

I would turn it on its head op and take it as a compliment Smile

Seriously though, you are over thinking things and the subsequent comments about her personality suggest that this isn't the only issue you have with her. 7 months in. Not a good sign.

thedogattacksthetissuebox · 15/02/2019 04:50

Mate you are way too needy. Expecting her to lay there when she needs the toilet is fucking ridiculous. How comfortable is lying around cuddling someone when your bladder is full? You've lost the plot.

RedFeltHeart · 15/02/2019 05:15

Surely it’s normal to have a bit of a cuddle after sex

It's normal for some people and not for others.

Even if it is usual for a particular individual to want to cuddle, it is perfectly acceptable for that individual to also fall asleep.

There is nothing worse than an overly needy partner who makes everything you do all about them.

primoestate · 15/02/2019 05:36

You sound a bundle of fun. I reckon she's had enough of your intense neediness. She's ticking the boxes to please you.......but she never will really, will she?
Prepare yourself for her ending the relationship, I reckon.
And then learn from your mistakes. Loosen up, be fun, stop the expectations.

QueenOfCatan · 15/02/2019 06:05

Bloody hell, both husband and I always get up immediately to clean up, especially if no condom has been involved, utis aside, who in earth wants to lie there in a puddle Envy

Mysterycat23 · 15/02/2019 06:13

Did she even enjoy it? Sounds grim.

Yutes · 15/02/2019 06:15

You are overreacting

katykins85 · 15/02/2019 06:16

No one finds neediness attractive OP, you really need to just chill out!

burritofan · 15/02/2019 06:43

From your girlfriend's perspective... had a lovely Valentine's Day (from your own admission) on a city break, had sex, immediately went to prevent a UTI (have you ever had one, OP? Excruciating. You can pee blood! Requires antibiotics; you can be hospitalised – it's not really a "yeah, well, I kind of get UTIs but not as important as a snuggle!" scenario), came back to bed exhausted and, before falling asleep, gave you a kiss (albeit via her hand – I do that when I'm too tired to engage/get into the whole endless cuddling thing).

She's going to wake up in a good mood only to be met with you, sleepless and annoyed and mardy, for literally no reason.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/02/2019 06:52

I'm ging to contradict quite a lot of other posters. Was it good for her? Did she come? Are you sure?

Because the way she went to sleep - not speaking, far away from you - suggests she might be irritated/frustrated with you. I've felt like that after less than satisfying sex before where I don't want to get into a discussion.

CostanzaG · 15/02/2019 06:58

You sound awful. You'd rather she got a UTI just do you can have a couple of mins cuddle?
If she was to develop a UTI it would ruin the rest of the trip. They're awful, just fucking awful.
Have some compassion.

MumsyJ · 15/02/2019 07:09

Goodness gracious go easy on OP!

If she'd had the energy to walk to the bathroom to rinse off or god knows what, surely she wouldn't be that tired not to say goodnight at least?

If my man did this to me, he'd be out the door and this is nothing to do with Valentine's I'm not fussed. Then again, if you think her personality is like a cold turkey, don't you think it's time to re-evaluate?

OP, no point bringing the topic up, perhaps some subtle or lighthearted way of saying something along the line of " you were out like a light last night, did I wear you out?" 😄

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2019 07:17

If you think she's cold and distant, I don't think you're suited at all.

Swipe left for the next trending thread