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Relationships

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Original poster

Girl making lunch for my fiance

88 replies

Sabinaa · 14/02/2019 14:11

Hello, I just wanted to seek some advise.

My fiance who I am supposed to marry in August, he has told me had feelings for a girl at work last year. Nothing physical happened, which I believe as the girl is married.

He then told me the girl used to make him lunch and bring it in for him. I just find that a bit strange. What are your thoughts on this?

I have come to terms that we have never had issues with infidelity and I do trust him and feelings can happen. However, he should of made an effort not to let his feelings dive deeper.

He said he wants to be with me still and he only told me because I asked.

Sorry I am just a bit distraught at the moment - my first post here.

OP posts:

AlwaysCheddar · 14/02/2019 14:17

I’d walk away. You’re not even married and he’s had feelings for someone else!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/02/2019 14:18

He then told me the girl used to make him lunch and bring it in for him. I just find that a bit strange.

A bit strange? That's a bloody understatement. That is such an intimate thing to do for someone. I would seriously look deeper into this as it sounds like they may have had an affair and he's just minimising it.

I bet she isn't married either. Otherwise wouldn't her husband mind her making lunch for some bloke at work?

He said he wants to be with me still and he only told me because I asked. What did you actually ask him? How did it all come out?

Sorry @Sabinaa but this doesn't look good.

PinkHeart5914 · 14/02/2019 14:20

I don’t think making lunches for someone is outrageous behaviour to be honest.

However him having feelings for someone isn’t right and unless you want your future filled with a broken ache, don’t marry him!

buckeejit · 14/02/2019 14:21

We spend a lot of time with workmates if it's a 9 to 5 job. I have made lunch for workmates both male & female & vv. I didn't want any hanky panky with any of them

FraggleRocking · 14/02/2019 14:22

If he only told you because you asked I think that is a huge problem. He should have been open from the start. I agree with AlwaysCheddar - walk away.

PinkHeart5914 · 14/02/2019 14:23

That is such an intimate thing to do for someone In what world is it such an intimate act? It’s a sandwich not oral sex

LemonTT · 14/02/2019 14:23

I don’t think this is your issue. Colleagues make food for each other and bring it in all the time. The issue is the intimacy they developed and that he had feelings for her.

How do you reconcile this with marrying him and making a life commitment. You don’t trust him now, that is why you are posting. What about in 5-10 years when you aren’t in a romantic haze.

He didn’t get his head turned by an offer of a vegan panini. He turned his head towards another woman. His feelings for you are the issue here.

flumpybear · 14/02/2019 14:23

The way to a mans heart is through his stomach

She's got plans for him ... I'd be worrying and I'd really not trust their relationship

Adora10 · 14/02/2019 14:27

I'd also suspect an affair, who on earth makes another man's lunch when they are attached, unless they are more than friends....

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/02/2019 14:43

@PinkHeart5914 I didn't say it was an intimate 'act' - of course I didn't mean it like a bloody blow job.

I meant 'intimate' in that if you make someone food, you put thought and effort into it; you are aware of their likes and dislikes, you do it to make them happy/stop them being hungry.

You don't think it's a weird thing to do for someone who's attached? Fair enough but I do.

Aridane · 14/02/2019 14:44

Colleagues make food for each other and bring it in all the time

Not lunches, surely - maybe cakes, cookies and the like, but not lunches!!

WinnieFosterTether · 14/02/2019 14:46

The lunch is irrelevant. I've made lunch for work colleagues. They've made lunch for me. We managed not to have sex with each other The problem is that he had feelings for someone else. Focus on that. Focus on his actions. And then decide if you want to stay with someone who is already admitting to having feelings for someone else and when you managed to get over that, told you about the lunches which he knew would upset you. He's seeing what you're willing to put up with and trying to get you to do the 'pick me' dance. If I were you, I'd cancel the engagement.

Dvg · 14/02/2019 14:46

I wouldn't be making a life commitment to him, If he cant keep his head on just you now then it wont be better in time after married life and kids.

I also wouldn't be making any other guy lunch (unless it was like... i was making it for the whole group) when i have a husband.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 14/02/2019 14:46

Well, a female colleague and I were both doing WW last year, and would take it in turns to make (or have dh make, in my case!) one of their zero point soups each week.
Does that make us overly intimate?

cocodash · 14/02/2019 14:47

mmmm im not botehred about lunch thing as i bake and bring things in to work. and a man in my office knows i have a sweet tooth and will sometimes pick me up a cake from his bakery. all totally plutonic relationships. all married etc etc. just all get on and spend the majority of our week together.

however.... the issue is that he admitted he had feelings for her. that, i would not be okay with. but i dont know if it would be enough to call off the wedding without more info. why did he have feelings for her? is there something your relationship is lacking. i would need to ask all this before making a descion

Nesssie · 14/02/2019 14:48

I've never made a pack lunch for a colleague or known of it. Communal cakes etc is fine. But making a sandwich, or a pasta salad for someone? Very strange.

Also he had feelings for someone else and you're not even married yet. LTB

frenchonion · 14/02/2019 14:49

You'll be storing heartbreak if you marry this bloke. He told you he had feelings for someone else? For what reason would he ever mention this? He's a dick!

Juells · 14/02/2019 14:49

Nothing physical happened, which I believe as the girl is married.

Not sure that's the proof of 'nothing happened' that you think it is :(

If he just had feelings and did nothing about it I don't understand how there would have been anything to tell you. He's feeling guilty about something, so whatever he's told you is less than what happened.

LuckyLou7 · 14/02/2019 14:50

She's his work wife, by the sounds of it. Why has he decided to tell you this now?

frenchonion · 14/02/2019 14:50

Clarification - only reason he'd have told you is because he has acted on it, or he wants you to feel insecure!

Lovemusic33 · 14/02/2019 14:51

I don’t understand why people see “making someone’s lunch” as a sign of being intamate? Being a chef I cook for many people and it doesn’t mean I want to fuck them 🤣 and I’m talking about cooking lunch for free not as a job. Some people enjoy making food for others. I know people that take cookies and cakes into work to give male staff members, doesn’t mean they want to have sex with them?

OP, he has been honest and told you, you either have to trust him and move on or you don’t trust him and you call off the wedding. I think the later is a bit OTT?

Faultymain5 · 14/02/2019 14:53

@Adora
I'd also suspect an affair, who on earth makes another man's lunch when they are attached, unless they are more than friends....

I do, he does for me. Sometimes he wife sends stuff in for me and sometimes my husband cooks and I bring leftovers for him. Why? Cause we appreciate the food. She has other problems, lunch is not one of them.

Adora10 · 14/02/2019 14:55

Totally agree with you Green, it's strange, unnecessary and for me, is pretty telling. He made a point of telling the OP, he obviously found it strange himself or he'd not even have mentioned it.

ErickBroch · 14/02/2019 14:56

If someone was making my DP lunch and bringing it in every day I would not be bloody happy. He also expressed he had feelings for her. Have you done any digging? Do you know if an affair actually happened or not?!

I feel really sorry for you, but August is far away enough to quite easily call off the wedding. I mean, you can give it a go at fixing your relationship but I would postpone getting married absolutely.

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/02/2019 14:57

He has admitted to having feelings for this person and you are not even married yet?? Your marriage wont last, sorry - if its not her it will be someone else. Get out now

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