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Relationships

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Original poster

Girl making lunch for my fiance

88 replies

Sabinaa · 14/02/2019 14:11

Hello, I just wanted to seek some advise.

My fiance who I am supposed to marry in August, he has told me had feelings for a girl at work last year. Nothing physical happened, which I believe as the girl is married.

He then told me the girl used to make him lunch and bring it in for him. I just find that a bit strange. What are your thoughts on this?

I have come to terms that we have never had issues with infidelity and I do trust him and feelings can happen. However, he should of made an effort not to let his feelings dive deeper.

He said he wants to be with me still and he only told me because I asked.

Sorry I am just a bit distraught at the moment - my first post here.

OP posts:

Parthenope · 14/02/2019 23:34

A male workplace friend often makes me elaborate, delicious lunches — I’m less keen on cooking, so I take him out for lunch from time to time. It’s not a general arrangement, just the two of us.

Which has no bearing on the OP’s situation, but I thought I’d add my voice to those who don’t find the lunch, in and of itself, at all weird, or indicative of an emotional affair.

Fluffyears · 14/02/2019 23:38

Wow I used to box op an extra portion of lunch for a married male colleague. I wouldn’t have wanted anything intimate but he had 4 kids and his wife was a SAHM, our wage was awful too so he was short on time and money. It took seconds to throw a second portion of pasta into a tub. I wouldn’t ever have slept with him.

strivingtosucceed · 14/02/2019 23:44

I'm slightly confused OP. When your fiance had feelings for her, were you already as deep into your relationship as you are now?

And what did you ask? Was the question about about whether he had ever had feelings for a work colleague? Or if he felt something for someone else whilst you've been in this relationship?

The timing matter.

strivingtosucceed · 14/02/2019 23:45

*matters

pissedonatrain · 14/02/2019 23:58

Yes, it's a problem. The combination of him admitting feelings for this particular girl and what do ya know, this particular girl just happens to make lunches for him and he tells you about it.

I can't say I have ever made a lunch for a particular colleague and brought it in.

I have brought in things for a morning tea for my work group, ordered in lunch for meetings for my work group, brought in a dish for a team pot luck, etc. but never for just an individual.

Maybe your fiance is having second thoughts about getting married? That would be the real discussion before you spend a heap on a fancy wedding and before you actually get married. Talk to him and maybe get pre marriage counselling.

pinkskys · 15/02/2019 00:28

I wouldn't think twice about the lunches. My best mate at work regularly brings me in lunch and dinner that he's cooked for us, same how I will bring him in breakfast and coffee. There is not one hint of sexual feelings involved with this. Purely just looking out for eachother when we work long shifts. In fact he is dating one of my mates and he cooks for me more than her 😂

The fact he has admitted the feelings to you, whislt shit, possibly could come from a place of wanting to start your marriage on fresh and honest grounds.

Only you know your DH and can guess his true intentions. I would take this as a good time to both review how you're feeling and thoughts for the future as you about to be married

Taytotots · 15/02/2019 00:51

My husband took lunch in for a female colleague today he quite often does. I have no concerns about it.
Re the him telling you he had feelings for her it is hard to tell if this is relevant. Was it before you were engaged? How did it come up?
I think you may be reading too much into things.

Aridane · 15/02/2019 06:55

Who would have thought mumsnet was hotbed of lunchmakers for colleagues?!?

MistressDeeCee · 15/02/2019 07:16

Who would have thought mumsnet was hotbed of lunchmakers for colleagues?!

Where do they get the time, that's what I'd like to know 😁. I'm having a quick 10 minute sit down with a coffee then will be out the door on way to work within 1/2 hour

I suppose someone will say 'oh it's no bother to buy a few more bits to make a bit extra'.

Or maybe it's prepared the night before with tlc...

No-one at my workplace does this, the guys just aren't special enough for us to play the 'little woman' I guess

Auntiepatricia · 15/02/2019 07:19

You’re not even married and there’s already someone else in your relationship? This is not going to be a happy future for you. There will be many more feelings to be had for other people by this man.

Swiftier · 15/02/2019 08:21

The whole lunch thing depends on the office environment and what’s normal for them - the variety of responses you’ve had suggests for some people making lunch for a colleague is a normal thing, for others it’s not.

In any case I think the fact he had feelings for her is a huge warning sign. You’re not even married yet and he has betrayed you and your trust. I would be concerned about how he will behave and treat you years down the line.

Parthenope · 15/02/2019 12:01

the guys just aren't special enough for us to play the 'little woman' I guess

In my case, it's a male colleague who makes me (female) lunch, and as I don't reciprocate though I take him out for lunch offsite from time to time I can hardly be accused of bustling round in a pinny.

He just likes cooking, and often spends half the weekend making complicated recipes, some of which he shares.

aliceandkids77 · 15/02/2019 14:52

I would be so annoyed to here this from my fiance, hope you're fairing ok doll. if you get the impression he still has feelings for her, you should deffo talk it over with him. you deserve a lot better than a man who likes a married woman who's at his work! if he doesn't (but you need to be sure), then I would probably leave it be. but I understand you won't feel comfortable while he's at work...honestly I feel like you just need to talk to him and make sure you are both on the same page. if he loves you then it'll be clear he doesn't like his work buddy. hope you can get through this hun xx

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