Oh you poor thing, what a sad situation, and unfortunately I think this guy has your thinking all screwed up.
Look at just some of what you said:
he shouts and gets angry at me
He often calls me a slag, bitch, vindictive, lazy etc
he usually punches my car if we argue in there, he has punched holes in doors, kicks things, shouts at the dog,
I just don't know how to go about it because If I do as he will probably have an outburst
even addressing it concerns me that he will have an outburst because nothing has happened I feel he won't understand why I have brought it up
he is very persistent and expresses how frightened he is of losing me
threats to drive into a tree
He still gets angry over message and then threatens to leave work and lose his job over me addressing what has upset me,
Im getting bad again, not seeing friends, bottling up and crying behind closed doors
I also am in a place where I don't really have anyone to turn to, especially when everyone else sees all the lovely things he does and not the real bad name calling and aggression I deal with
He's quite lazy around the house
how much I get stressed over his driving when he is angry
it's difficult for me because he causes my anxiety and then he will see that I am anxious and Google things that help someone to feel less anxious
I'm scared that he will do something to himself
I have been pushed and pushed and I just want to get out of this situation, it's breaking me down but the whole time I thought he was making me better
Looking from the outside everyone thinks our relationship is perfect
I don't want people to think bad of him when he's yelling at me and calling me names but I guess I'm just protecting him and allowing the behaviour because the less people know the better he's gonna look
My husband would be perfect if it wasn't for his anger
A few of my thoughts, sorry turned out longer than ideal -
Nothing is going to change until one of you changes something. If he took responsibility for his behaviour and sought help, something might change. But he hasn't done that, he thinks it's acceptable to continue abusing you. So you are the one who is going to need to change something, especially with a baby on the way.
He's not taking any responsibility for his behaviour, he will continue behaving like this until the consequences for his behaviour are worse than if he behaves properly. At the moment he's getting away with it, so why would he change.
Given things that happened in his childhood, he probably has deep rooted issues that need professional assistance to work through. You cannot fix him. If he doesn't attempt to work on himself you definitely shouldn't stay with him.
He is responsible for himself. You are responsible for you and your baby. Like on a plane, they tell you if the oxygen masks come down, put your own on before trying to help anyone else, you need to put yourself and the baby first. As others have said, if he suggests that he's suicidal, call the professionals. Far too often, abusers like your husband use threats like this to control. He is not your responsibility.
If you are struggling to accept that you are in an abusive situation, try talking to Womens' Aid.
Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, get it on Amazon Kindle store for a few quid and download the Kindle app to your phone to read it on. You'll start to understand that even if it wasn't for his anger, your husband is not perfect.
I'd also recommend you start telling other people what's happening. This is not your fault. Unfortunately, abuse thrives on secrecy, but if you remove that, you start opening the door to your own freedom. Good luck.