Highly Sensitive People (Or Empaths)

[Renarde1975]

Hey all. Interested in people's views on this one.

I'm a writer and a few days ago, I stumbled on this article in The Fail (I know, I know - judge away! )

It's here.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6637825/Curse-highly-sensitive-person.html

The author, Mel Collins, asserts that 20% of the population are more emotionally sensitive than most. I would assert that what she is calling Sensitivity, I would call it Empathy, and in greater quantities than most of the population. Saying that, the 20% figure does seem to be rather high and I'm wondering how she arrived at that figure.

Hence why I'd like people's views, if you can.

Collins gives a handy checklist of how to diagnose a HSP which I think is rather good. However, if she has arrived at that figure through a questionnaire then there are problems with it. The same problems that also present in the NPI study of 4% of the population are Narcs.(The real figure is more like 17%).

Really like peoples' thoughts/views on the subject.

My now ex partner calls himself an empath. Seems to be entirely preoccupied with himself and his own feelings. Not what I traditionally understand as empathy. I don’t Think this term empath and empathy are the same at all. He now thinks he doesn’t have to do anything he does not feel entirely comfortable with (e.g. take our daughter to her friends birthday when he has her on the weekend) because he is an empath. Drives me bonkers.

Quite a few of the traits are those of borderline personality disorder. Tbh I'd rather be diagnosed an empath than with BPD.

Very empathic people I know are typically sociable and love being around people. I don't view that as what is described in the article at all. Regardless, it reads to me like a load of non-science made up rubbish designed to sell books/treatments to people who feel misunderstood, aka everybody.

Anyone else thinking of this thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3178898-DH-embarrassed-by-my-sensitivity

I am honestly inclined to think it's a load of bollocks because it's in the Mail.

I think I'm highly attuned to other people's emotions /the temperature of a room as a result of growing up with a parent with bipolar. I feel emotions very deeply of course, but I would never assume to know how other people were experiencing theirs. Outside expression doesn't tell you that does it. Same with the experience of pain.

However if the advice really does help people in not sure if it matters whether or not it's a 'real thing'.

I ugly cried at the lady who screamed at the Sistine chapel 😂😂😂

I have nothing useful to contribute to this discussion

Oh my stars @Tyne! Screaming at Michelangelo? I thought he was a rather good sculptor tbh!

@Candid I do take your viewpoint and I suspect (but do not know) that it's all highly unscientific.

@Lil I have often wondered about BPD. I think there are nine traits that define it and five have to be present. Trouble is, those traits could also be because that person has experienced abuse in some way.

@Mook She's written a book and the Mail are simply covering it. But I do take your point.

Hmmmm. I think people can have empathy than someone else

But the only people I know who describe themseleves as an empath, are the people that like to insert themseleves into other people's business and claim they cant help it because they are an empath.

@Renarde1975 I was diagnosed with it a few years ago - had all 9 traits. That's exactly right - most ppl with BPD have a history of abuse, early abuse especially. Most of the traits are coping mechanisms which are clearly unhealthy.

I do think there is something to it..however I come from a very abusive background and so the traits I have developed may be more due to that. I was diagnosed with ComplexPTSD not long ago, and I know that when I was trying to understand what it was that was "wrong" with me I came across the HSP website, and also the Adult Children of Alchoholics webiste..I felt that there were a lot of interchangeable traits there...I personally wouldn't dismiss it completely out of hand, even if it is in the DM.

@Mook

I think I'm highly attuned to other people's emotions /the temperature of a room as a result of growing up with a parent with bipolar.

I think this might be the other way around as empathic traits that you are describing are hard-wired at conception. This is why NPD sufferers can never be cured; they can never get that strand of affective empathy 'injected' into them.

It might be that your bipolar parent heightened your response in some way though.

@Chocolate (I'm not typing fat!). It's likely you have strong, empathic strands. PTSD and empathy often go hand in hand.

I'm sorry you experienced that growing up.

@Lil - You have all nine? Blimy! You poor thing! Are you getting treatment?

Hmm 'inserting into lives'

That's intresting. Empaths will readily bend over backwards to help others but have a very keen sense of not overstepping boundaries. I'd question if they were Empaths other than just nosy fuckers.

It's an interesting topic, OP, despite the Daily Mail link.

I don't really like the term "empath" but I do think that some people are wired to be more sensitive and empathetic than others - I am one of them, and I find it impossible to switch off/tune out from other people's emotions. It can be very useful, but it can also be exhausting and emotionally draining. And almost paralysing at times...

My dd is the same.

@Alexa Very intresting! Can I ask what your family background was like growing up?

Empaths will readily bend over backwards to help others but have a very keen sense of not overstepping boundaries. I'd question if they were Empaths other than just nosy fuckers.

I don't really see how that can be. Surely empath all have different personalities. Despite all being sensitive. Some won't over step the mark. Some will. However o do agree, the ones I am talking about are using a term to justify being a nosey fucker.

I do believe that some people are more empathetic than others. I do think I am. I can always tell the mood of a room when I walk in it. Or even a house.

I remember being at my friends upstairs and her brother came in the house downstairs. I could tell the mood of the house had changed and it had, something bad had happened to him.

But then I also think that alot of it is being able to read body language well. When it's face to face. Again, like others I grew in a house with a mother with BDP. You quickly learn how to read people.

@Renarde1975 Thank you Renarde, that is very kind of you. It's just part of who I am , and though I wish it hadn't happened, I wouldn't be myself without those experiences..so I strongly believe that good can come from it. It's ok about the fat too (it's true!)..I ams what I ams..life is too short to be ashamed of it.

“Those who are inclined to casual cruelty say that inside a fat girl is a thin girl and a lot of chocolate.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld

Reasonably happy childhood. Very supportive parents. My mum and dad had a stable marriage, but my mum had (and still has) ongoing mental health issues. My DSis and my dad seemed mostly oblivious to her problems, or at least dismissive of them, whereas I couldn't ever switch off from her emotions. She is still very emotionally dependent on me.

@Boys

Yes, you're clearly an empath. You gave the example of being upstairs and you knew something bad was downstairs as the mood had changed? That's an example of contagion empathy. Not many people have developed it although I think that everyone is born with contagion strands and that includes NPD people too.

@Renarde1975 weirdly, I assumed my dx changing would mean better access to treatment. Quite the opposite. But I have amazing GPs who see me whenever I need & they pushed for reinstating my therapy. Right now seeing psychiatrist every 2 weeks (more regularly if in crisis) & awaiting psychodynamic group therapy. But the therapy for BPD should be DBT - ironically my personality disorder service no longer offer it. I tried their alternative & it consisted of a group of us literally reading aloud some printed handouts. For now, I'm ok & stable. In AA for alcohol issues & trying to tackle other "impulsive behaviours". The relationships part is really hard.

Oh bless you @Lil. Good on seeing the psychiatrist and well done for tackling your alcohol issues. And yes, relationships are very hard as you are clearly a narc magnet. And that's NOT your fault.

@Alexa

Thanks for that! I do query the dismissive DSis and DF but there could be other reasons for that, as in they find it difficult to cope with.

You see, I am also wondering if Empaths almost always come from abusive backgrounds. Not because the abuse 'creates' the Empath but because a parent is a narcissist.

I see strong Empathic strands in my DD

I think you have to be more sensitive to mood and atmosphere to survive. Perhaps as that is processed, in time it becomes empathy?