Is Dp being unreasonable? Male friends spending the night.

[GirlOnIt]

I've got a very good male friends known him since primary school. He lives in a different city now but we keep in touch via text calls and meet up every couple of months. Dp's met him, they don't really get on and they had a disagreement once over something my friend said, both drunk and all a bit silly but I took Dp's side in it. Other than that no problems and Dp trusts me that there's nothing between us. Which there absolutely isn't, never has been.

Trying not to make it too long! But friend is supposed to be staying at our house this weekend and Dp was kinda ok with that. Although I admit I arranged it and kinda asked/told him afterwards.
Now Dp needs to be away with work one of the days/nights and he said he doesn't want my friend staying that night. He's adamant he trusts me completely and he knows I've got plans with the friend and others through the day and that's fine. But he's not ok with him spending the night if he isn't here as well.

I'm a bit confused, because he's stayed at my house when I lived at home and Dp never said anything and I've stayed at his although with other friends too. I think it's unreasonable to say he can't stay now but Dp is really unhappy about it and I'm trying to be understanding of that.
I can't imagine it the other way as Dp doesn't have such a close female friend so trying to imagine how I'd feel if it was the other way isn't working.
Baby Ds will be home with me too and coming on the meet up, so I'm not getting drunk or anything. Not that anything's happened when we have been drunk so that doesn't really matter, just trying to give the full picture.

And Dp isn't controlling or anything he's generally quite laid back. He says he just thinks it's weird and too intimate him staying here alone with me and Ds.
I mentioned he'd been ok about it before and he said that was at my house so he didn't have a say and he thinks this is different.

Demand that he gives you a meaningful explanation. If he can, discuss it. If he can't, he's being an arse.

I mentioned he'd been ok about it before and he said that was at my house so he didn't have a say and he thinks this is different.

Ah, he's being an arse then. It's not different and his logic is ridiculous.

He's being completely unreasonable

He’s being U.

Offer to buy a chastity belt and give him the key.
He is a fuckwit.

Thanks I feel like he's being unreasonable. But at the same time don't want to dismiss his feelings. I know he's not my friends biggest fan, but he's always been ok with our friendship.

He said he genuinely doesn't know why he's so bothered as he absolutely trust me. But it's bothering him and if he could get out of working he would do.

I suspect, at the root of it, it comes to old-fashioned male entitlement. Albeit subconsciously perhaps, in his mind it's his house and he's the king of his castle. Except this isn't the 1950s and it is your home as much as his.

Well, he clearly doesn't trust you though, does he?

Although I admit I arranged it and kinda asked/told him afterwards

Why didn’t you run it past him first? Out of courtesy more than anything - male or female, I would ask dh before arranging visitors.

I think he trusts me. I asked if he thought I'd sleep with him or something and he said, no definitely not I'm not worried about that. I think (although he won't say it it's this) that he doesn't want other people knowing I've got another man staying while he's away.

So yes, male pride thing! Although my friend can be a dick and might tease him about it too.

It's bothering him. He is generally otherwise reasonable, so why not respect him enough to accept that his feelings matter.

I know Believeit. I was just a bit impulsive and offered my friend he could stay. Did ask Dp the same day but kinda, I've said he can is that ok. He was a bit 'if he has to' and then arranged he'd see his friends to avoid him for the most part.

Your male friend might tease him about it? My dp wouldn’t want someone who would do that staying over either. I actually don’t think he is being unreasonable.

I have a male friend I have known since primary school, absolutely nothing has ever happened between us and never will, although he did ask me out on a date about 8 years ago after I’d split up with an ex but it was a ridiculous suggestion.

I have slept in the same bed as him on weekends away with friends and my DH hasn’t batted an eyelid, he would ha e absolutely no problem with him staying in our house if he was away.

I don’t think this is as simple as respect his feelings, your friend was on the scene long before your DP and this is your DPs issue not yours.

Hang on a second - on another thread the OP is being told that there's no way she should allow her DP/DH to meet up as friends with his female co-worker (who is going through a marriage break-up) because the woman is obviously after him, yet here it's absolutely fine for the OP to have a male friend sleeping in her house when her OH is away and the OH is unreasonable????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk about double standards........

Your husband is being completely unreasonable.

That's my thinking Offside. To me the idea of anything other than friends is unthinkable. He's like a brother to me. Dp gets this though and although they don't get on he's always been ok with us being friends and like I say him staying over before now.

They both tease each other Haggis. Again a bit like I'd think a older brother could. They don't have much in common and they can both be a bit competitive. My friend likes him for me though and respects my relationship with him.

The other thread was a new friendship/colleague, this is different.

We're very old friends though Range. I think that makes a difference.

MN double standards alive and kicking tonight!

BigSandyBalls2015

Because you can only cheat with new friends?

We're very old friends though Range. I think that makes a difference

Because no-one has ever cheated with an old friend?

OP what did your friend say that upset your DP?