Is Dp being unreasonable? Male friends spending the night.

[GirlOnIt]

I've got a very good male friends known him since primary school. He lives in a different city now but we keep in touch via text calls and meet up every couple of months. Dp's met him, they don't really get on and they had a disagreement once over something my friend said, both drunk and all a bit silly but I took Dp's side in it. Other than that no problems and Dp trusts me that there's nothing between us. Which there absolutely isn't, never has been.

Trying not to make it too long! But friend is supposed to be staying at our house this weekend and Dp was kinda ok with that. Although I admit I arranged it and kinda asked/told him afterwards.
Now Dp needs to be away with work one of the days/nights and he said he doesn't want my friend staying that night. He's adamant he trusts me completely and he knows I've got plans with the friend and others through the day and that's fine. But he's not ok with him spending the night if he isn't here as well.

I'm a bit confused, because he's stayed at my house when I lived at home and Dp never said anything and I've stayed at his although with other friends too. I think it's unreasonable to say he can't stay now but Dp is really unhappy about it and I'm trying to be understanding of that.
I can't imagine it the other way as Dp doesn't have such a close female friend so trying to imagine how I'd feel if it was the other way isn't working.
Baby Ds will be home with me too and coming on the meet up, so I'm not getting drunk or anything. Not that anything's happened when we have been drunk so that doesn't really matter, just trying to give the full picture.

I'm torn here- he should trust you- and he says he does- so he seems unreasonable but then, he doesn't get on with your friend- and I wouldn't like someone I didn't like staying at my house

Your friend is sounding worse the more you post, tbh.

Also... I have been told this by too many men not to believe it... if you are a moderately attractive woman, all your male friends have had one off the wrist thinking about you at least once, haha.

Well, the straight ones at any rate.

I'm pretty certain my friend doesn't have those feelings for me. We've two other female friends and he's the same with both of them. He's just always liked female company and never got on with boys at school. Dp is quite the opposite and always had that 'lads' group of friends which my friend doesn't really get. Dp can is as bad at winding my friend up, that first time is the only time they argued though and I think that was the alcohol making it worse. They're usually civil to each other and like I said my friend acknowledges that Dp is right for me.

One of our mutual female friends is going to stay over too. I've text Dp that, he hasn't replied yet. Although he dislikes her more so god knows.

Yeah, that's probably true I'm afraid.

Maybe it's about appearances. It wouldn't look right to outsiders that your DP is away and you have another man staying?

What do I do if it's that though?

Tell DP if he has a problem he needs to stay home. His problem, he finds a solution.

Talk about double standards........
I normally get irritated by people constantly complaining about double standards, usually because they are twisting themselves to find it but I have to agree here.

I posted on that one about how not all men cheat and it is possible for me to trust mine not to. I was basically told I was a smug idiot.

And yet nobody here is making the merest suggestion OP might be unable to resist cheating.

I'm pretty certain my friend doesn't have those feelings for me.

Surely the point is whether DP thinks you have any for him?

So now you've invited another person over who your pattern is not fond of. You are not really helping your cause here.

Perhaps op is actually the windup merchant here

Nope, I wouldn’t be happy with this either. Your friend doesn’t sound very respectful of your relationship with DP.

I do think that overnight guests should be agreed in advance just out of courtesy.

I hope you get it sorted out OP.

I invited a female friend so if Dos bothered about what other people think it doesn't look bad.
He never said it's because he doesn't like my friends, other people were saying that. He doesn't particularly like my school friends and the only other one who can stay clashes with him. But she's my friend and he's not actually here so it shouldn't matter that he doesn't like either of them. I'm not keen on one of his mates who stayed over and threw up in our downstairs toilet. But other than telling Dp to get him to clean it up before he left. I wasn't bothered that his friend stayed.

Now I'm worrying it was worse inviting someone else. But I thought if it's a man being here and how that looks to others, he'd feel better with my female friends here. She stayed before to help when Ds was newborn and Dp had to work away a few days and he was fine with that.
He hasn't replied though and I know him and that means he's in a strop.
Tough now anyway as my friends are here. I won't be inviting him to stay again though. Shame as I feel it's spoilt our catch up and I only really see him a few times a year now.