Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ffs ex has lost my £900 savings

80 replies

Noodledoodlesandspud · 26/01/2019 10:35

Me again. With my never ending shit from exh.
Breif over view (more detail can be found in my other posts). I separated from h in Sept last year. Mostly because of his lying about money etc and because he's generally shit with money. He's also emotionally closed off. We have 3 young dc. We are going to counselling to see if we can save our relationship.

So last weekend we actually went out for a meal. Things went really well. We talked for ages and really worked through some stuff (which we haven't done without the counsellor in a long time). It felt wonderful.

H had a save to buy account which can only be held in one name. I also have one but there's a limit on how much can be paid in a month so when my gran left me some money we opened one in h name to pay it into (the first payment can be more). This was before all the lying about money shit came out.

I've been asking him since we split to give me my money back. He finally shut the account down last week and said he paid the money into my bank account. Well it hasn't shown up and he has no receipt for the cash transaction so its just disappeared into thin air (if h is to be believed). I am such an idiot for not going with him to sort it.

I feel so stupid for letting myself believe he could change. And I'm heartbroken that my nans money is gone. H is so emotionally crap it's not even bothering him that I'm in tears over the whole thing.

The stupid thing is I can't stop myself from wanting to make it work even though I know it's the worst idea ever.

OP posts:
JohnnyKarate · 26/01/2019 10:41

It hasn’t vanished, he has taken your money. I don’t know what you can do but I do know you deserve more than what you’re settling for. You should be able to trust you H won’t steal from you.

Mix56 · 26/01/2019 10:44

You can go to the bank or on line, if he paid it it will be there.
He has stolen your money.
Tell him it needs refunding.

WonderWoman2019 · 26/01/2019 10:46

You know he's lying, right? The bank most certainly still has a deposit receipt for this transaction...he just needs to recall the day and rough time. He'll be on CCTV too.

Except he won't be. Because he's stolen it. Sorry.

Lozzerbmc · 26/01/2019 10:46

I’m sorry this has happened its a terrible thing he’s done esp when your grans money. I think its the end of your marriage why do you want a relationship with him when hes emotionally closed off, a liar and a thief? Was that what your dreamed marriage would be on your wedding day? What values will he instill in your children? You are better off on your own making yourself free to meet someone decent in time

Original poster
Noodledoodlesandspud · 26/01/2019 10:47

I don't think I'll see it again. He's not paid a penny towards his kids since he left so I don't think I'm going to get £900 out of him.

OP posts:
Frosty66611 · 26/01/2019 10:48

He’s definitely stolen it. If it had just disappeared into thin air then he would be able to open an investigation with the bank to find out what happened to it and he would get it back if an error on their side had been made. He’s 100% lying

WonderWoman2019 · 26/01/2019 10:48

In fact, tell him you're involving the police and requisitioning the bank records and video footage "so the thief will be caught red-handed".

Watch him squirm. He's taking you for a fool Sad

Flanuary · 26/01/2019 10:49

Not only is he a thief, he’s a thief who thinks you’re stupid.
Please show him that you’re not.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 26/01/2019 10:50

He hasn’t lost it - he has stolen it....

a334 · 26/01/2019 10:51

I’m so sorry about your nans money, that must be really difficult to deal with. Don’t feel guilty though, you weren’t to know! You were just trying to put things in place for your future.

Don’t feel stupid about believing he could change- that just shows how kind and loving you are and some people don’t have the capability of forgiving people so look at that as a gift! It’s a trait some people would wish for.

With regards to trying to make your relationship work, do you really want to be with a man who is so emotionally unavailable? You are obviously upset about something serious and he’s not showing that he cares. You don’t need that in your life. He’s inconsistent because you mentioned you had a successful meal out and talked through a lot of things however he’s now being inconsiderate of your feelings. You need someone you can always lean on and trust and someone who’ll support and comfort you especially when they’ve done you wrong.

Just think about the life you’ll have with him, not being able to trust him with money, not supporting you emotionally, do you really want that?

BertrandRussell · 26/01/2019 10:53

He’s stolen it. Tell him you’re going to the police.

PragmaticWench · 26/01/2019 10:54

So he's stolen your money.

He hasn't paid any child maintenance.

He is emotionally incapable.

I'm not seeing what there is to tempt you back, can you really see a life with someone like this?

Original poster
Noodledoodlesandspud · 26/01/2019 10:54

I just rang him and asked him to go to the bank and ask them what's going on. He's now coming up with excuses. I also asked if he had the receipt and he said no I didn't think I'd need it. What sane person doesn't keep a receipt for a £900 cash transaction.

OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 26/01/2019 10:56

We are going to counselling to see if we can save our relationship.

Why? Stop flogging a dead horse. He's a liar, a thief, a deadbeat dad. Counselling won't turn a steaming turd into chocolate.

Jitters22 · 26/01/2019 10:56

He hasn't 'lost' anything. He's stolen it.

He's a liar and a thief. He is telling you who and what he is - why don't you listen to him?

ImNotKitten · 26/01/2019 10:56

Sorry OP but he’s lying to you. He’s stolen the money.

VioletCharlotte · 26/01/2019 10:57

This makes my blood boil. Just the sort of trick my ex would have tried. As pp have said, he's taken the money. If he'd really paid it in, he could go into the bank and they would be able to trace the transaction. Do you have texts from him saying that he'll pay it in, etc? If so, that's your evidence. Tell him you're going to the Police. The money may then mysteriously reappear. If not, then you must go to the police. Let him see you're not a pushover.

And then you need to try and detach from him. You don't need to be his friend or go out for meals. You need to be civil because of your DC, but that's all.

stayathomegardener · 26/01/2019 10:58

The only good way to look at this is it just cost you £900 to end your marriage.

And I suspect your Granny would consider the money well spent.

I would instigate divorce proceedings on Monday and claim for child maintenance.

Enigmam · 26/01/2019 11:00

I'm not sure why you're fixated on the £900. Why would you want to work anything out with someone who hasn't paid a penny towards your children since you separated?

Bumblebee39 · 26/01/2019 11:02

The police won't do anything
The money was in an account in his name so legally the OP "gave" him it even if that was not her intention
Went through this (and much, much worse) with my ex and was told there was nothing legal they could do
I am now having to pay back lots of debts which he accumulated in my name and have had to take the financial hit, also

WH1SPERS · 26/01/2019 11:09

You want to save your marriage to a man who has stolen your inheritance from your gran and won’t pay for his kids.

Yet you left him last year because he lies about money.

Okaaayyy.

MotherofTerriers · 26/01/2019 11:10

He hasn't lost it. The bank hasn't lost it. He has stolen it. If the account was in his name there is nothing you can do unless you have written evidence, like messages from him confirming that its your money and he's going to transfer it to you
Saying that you are going to the bank on Monday and then to the police may get him to admit what has happened, maybe not.
Worth the £900 to be rid of him, IMHO

Tinty · 26/01/2019 11:13

He has stolen it, the bank will be able to tell him where the money was transferred to when he closed the account. I suspect you will find he withdrew it in cash or transferred it to his account. So sorry for you and your DC.

TheSerenDipitY · 26/01/2019 11:14

^ what they said ^

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/01/2019 11:15

How did he end up with £900 in cash? Surely they'd have paid it into his account once he closed the savings account, and then he'd have transferred it to you?

Tell him you're going to report it to the police so they can trace where it's gone. That would be reasonable in these circumstances (if he hadn't blatantly stole it).

Don't try and make it work with him, he sounds like a knob. There's nothing to save here.