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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ffs ex has lost my £900 savings

80 replies

Noodledoodlesandspud · 26/01/2019 10:35

Me again. With my never ending shit from exh.
Breif over view (more detail can be found in my other posts). I separated from h in Sept last year. Mostly because of his lying about money etc and because he's generally shit with money. He's also emotionally closed off. We have 3 young dc. We are going to counselling to see if we can save our relationship.

So last weekend we actually went out for a meal. Things went really well. We talked for ages and really worked through some stuff (which we haven't done without the counsellor in a long time). It felt wonderful.

H had a save to buy account which can only be held in one name. I also have one but there's a limit on how much can be paid in a month so when my gran left me some money we opened one in h name to pay it into (the first payment can be more). This was before all the lying about money shit came out.

I've been asking him since we split to give me my money back. He finally shut the account down last week and said he paid the money into my bank account. Well it hasn't shown up and he has no receipt for the cash transaction so its just disappeared into thin air (if h is to be believed). I am such an idiot for not going with him to sort it.

I feel so stupid for letting myself believe he could change. And I'm heartbroken that my nans money is gone. H is so emotionally crap it's not even bothering him that I'm in tears over the whole thing.

The stupid thing is I can't stop myself from wanting to make it work even though I know it's the worst idea ever.

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 26/01/2019 16:59

You will not get this money back so I wouldn't waste your energy, furthermore the bank may investigate you for getting someone else to front an account for you. Just stop the counselling and do what you need to do to claim child support. I expect he will be after 50% of your savings when you divorce. Onwards and upwards....

Noodledoodlesandspud · 26/01/2019 19:24

We have no other savings. We had to close the other help to buy account last year as h got us into so many money problems we had to use those saving to pay it off.

ladylapsang he wasn't fronting an account. The money was left to me but as we were married I viewed it as joint money and was happy to put it in an account in hs name, until all his money troubles he'd been hiding from me came out and then obviously I wanted it back to keep it safe.

OP posts:
Porridgeoat · 26/01/2019 19:27

Offer to go to the bank with your ex this week

SpiritedLondon · 26/01/2019 19:38

Yes - insist on going with him to the branch where he “ paid it in” to report it. You’ll obviously need to know the day and approximate time. I’d love to know what excuse he’ll come up with for why this is not possible.

Noodledoodlesandspud · 26/01/2019 23:00

I have suggested we go to the bank and sort it. He keeps saying he'll see when he's free.

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 26/01/2019 23:31

What does he spend the money on?

I suspect the money was taken a while back..whilst he is still lying you can't trust him and he knows that. He obviously has issues but you can't solve them, he has to be honest and confess as a first step.

It's similar to an alcoholic, no one can help them but themselves.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/01/2019 01:48

Text him

"Ex, unless we go to the bank together on Monday I will be contacting the police as clearly someone has stolen this money and I need to know where it has gone so I can get it back. Let me know what time you want to meet at Barclays".

Watch him shit himself.

Noodledoodlesandspud · 27/01/2019 08:41

lifebeginsat50 he's up to his eyeballs in debt that he got when we were together after I helped him pay off debt he was in when we first met. He takes out credit cards without telling me then can't pay them off. He has a massive loan he hasn't been paying (which was a major factor in our marriage breaking down when I found out).

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 27/01/2019 14:08

I don’t know what I would find most difficult to accept - the failure to support his children financially, the theft of the £900 or the suggestion that you would believe the crock of shit excuse.

Whisky2014 · 27/01/2019 14:20

Ok, can you confirm you acknowledge he is lying?

Loka123 · 27/01/2019 17:05

What sane person doesn't keep a receipt for a £900 cash transaction.

^ Ermm the type of sane person who's stolen your money so obviously a receipt for payment to you doesn't exist!

category12 · 27/01/2019 17:11

If he was telling the truth, he'd be eager to get to the bank to find out what happened to £900. He knows exactly what happened to it.

BlokeHereInPeace · 27/01/2019 17:54

It#s so obvious what has happened, OP. But if you married him knowing this stuff then you will probably shrug and carry on trying. Perhaps save time and set up a standing order to him.

Noodledoodlesandspud · 27/01/2019 21:10

Yes, I do acknowledge he is lying. It's really difficult for me to accept but I know it.

bloke I knew he had financial trouble when I met him, but he paid it off (I saw proof of that) but after we were married he started taking out credit cards etc without telling me. Everything is such a fucking mess but I've told him that I will be devorcing him on the grounds of unreasonable behavior. He seemed shocked that I was standing up to him. It looks like the balifs might be after him as a letter arrived here for him yesterday that looked like it was from a debt collection agency.

OP posts:
ChristmasFlary · 28/01/2019 04:43

Oh crumbs OP. That is really not good. You need to read up and be sure of your rights for when they show up.

rainbowstardrops · 28/01/2019 05:11

Well he's got himself in the shit again and stolen your money. Sorry.
I agree with a PP, don't let him keep fobbing you off. Tell him you will meet at x time otherwise you're forced to go to the police.
Please don't let him just get away with this.

Mix56 · 28/01/2019 10:43

You are still married to him, if the bailiffs are after him beware that you may be in risk also.

Noodledoodlesandspud · 28/01/2019 10:45

I told him he needed to sort it today and get some sort of answer. He's now saying he's paid it into the wrong account and there's no record of it. In a way he's helped me he's stopped me wanting to try and save the marriage. I feel sorry for my kids but we are better off without him. It's only been a few months and I'm already more financially stable.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/01/2019 10:50

If yiu’re married than any debt is a joint debt?

Maryjoyce · 28/01/2019 10:50

If baliffs are after him do make sure you keep door locked and windows shut ignore them and never ever let them in your home no matter what rubbish they tell you

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/01/2019 10:51

It looks like the £900 might be the least of your problems.

Maryjoyce · 28/01/2019 10:52

It’s not quite true that it’s a joint debt as she never signed anything so to run p a debt in your own name is not a joint debt and he dosent live there so she needs to get him to write to the debt collectors and give his new address or she can if he dosent just say he no longer lives the address and go to council and remove off the voters register straight away

Maryjoyce · 28/01/2019 10:55

Look it up as it clearly says joint debts are only ones you took out in joint names. So if he took cards in his name they are not her bests but removal of his name off electoral register is a massive help

Maryjoyce · 28/01/2019 10:55

Her debts not her bests

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/01/2019 10:58

Happy to be corrected.

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