Advice needed am I over reacting?

[Keba123]

Hello some advice needed
So basically I have been with my fiance for two years we have a 4 week old son and he has a son from previous relationship
When we first got to get his ex partner was v jealous and throughout the relationship has stalked me on FB, turned their son against me, text him asking him for help moving house (which he declined) , text him asking for help when her car was vandalised , which he was going to do (!) Untill I said it wasnt on... And text him at Christmas saying merry Christmas with a kiss on end... He doesn't know I seen this message (I seen it whilst looking for something else innocently) to which he replied merry Christmas but no kiss.. so all of this Hass been building up .. then last night we are sitting with our newborn 10 at night she messages . He didn't think I seen it. I was that exhausted I didn't say anything and went to bed. Woke up this morning after a sleepless night with baby feeling like a bag of shit and had to have it out with him as it has stewed me all night. I said 'can I ask you something does Charlotte ever text you'
' no ' was his reply
I just said your a liar ...
I seen the messages on your phone last night.
To which he went bright red started sweating profusely and said he had forgotten. I said you forgot it was less then 12 hours ago. So it turns out it was a picture of their child she sent. Now my point is why send that at that time of night.
Am I being unreasonable to think that it is wrong.?
There child has a life limiting illness which is so sad, but they are not by any means ill ATM.
He also said that he can't believe I'm making such a mountain out of a mole hill, he works so hard, everything he does for us etc etc ... Yes he works five days a week...9 hour shifts ...but isn't this just what a parent does to provide.... I feel like it's emotional blackmail.... I shouldn't say anything as he works hard and there child has a illness... Bear in mind the child lives a completely normal life and as I said is not by any means poorly ATM.
Just advice needed as to what you all think

YABU. She sent a photo of their kid, not her fucking vagina. Get a grip.

Your angry he got a photo of his child?

You also seem to be very keen to play down the life limiting part of things.

They have a child together of course there will be need to communicate

Sorry that was a bit harsh. I forgot you have a newborn and are vulnerable.

You picked a man who already had a poorly baby, what did you expect? Nc?

Yes you're being unreasonable. I can't see he has done anything wrong at any point

Did you feel insecure like this before the pregnancy and baby?

No I wasn't insecure before baby :(

I think you are overreacting.You have a newborn baby and your emotions are running high.Your partner has another child, a child that has a life-limiting condition, and no matter how well the child may currently appear, that alone must be enormously stressful for both parents. Support him, don't push him away. It's not inappropriate to send photos of his child to him. You can't expect him to have nothing more to do with his ex.

So no one thinks that it was wrong he lied when I asked if she ever text?

Thank you luckylou7 that is more helpful than being sworn at

I’d be looking at why you deliberately tried to trick him into lying and catch him out.
Maybe he’s just trying to keep the peace between you both and knows you’re feeling a little insecure and anxious?
If there’s nothing else I wouldn’t be worried to be honest.
Just remember he loves you and has chosen to have a child with you

She’s far too much and no wonder your stressed, like you need his ex constantly texting him, asking him to help her with things that aren’t related to his child is not on and I think your right to be pissed off, also I get that it was a photo of their child she sent him but it was quite late, that alone isn’t bad at all but when you put it with everything else then she sounds like a pain in the arse. Some people think that because they have a child to someone then this somehow means that they have some kind of right over them, and they don’t! I don’t like the sound of his ex tbf.

It was wrong for him to lie but he probably panicked knowing how confrontational you are.

I don't know why it was not on for him to fix his ex's car if he knows how to do it. They were together before you came on the scene and have a child together, there are ties of time. You underplay his child's life limiting illness - imagine if things were the other way around?

Dunno why people get together with someone who already has a young kid when there are so many childless people out there.

I text the DCs dad every day with updates and photos. I also put kisses at the end of texts. I have zero desire to be with him- he’s a cheater and a liar. But we are parents to the same children so normal ex rules go out the window.

I’m sure he lied because you seem to be overreacting to their contact. It doesn’t make the lie ok, but I do understand it.

And of course he should be helping her move house and helping with the car. Modelling kindness for his child is completely important.

YABVU.

Presumably when she was moving and asked for help his child was also moving? And you didn’t let him help his son move. Likewise his son travels in that car, why would you object to his DAD helping? No wonder she is turning her son against you, you are stopping his dad being helpful in his own sons life. A child that has a life limiting illness that is largely looked after by his mum-very stressful for her. Understandable she wants HID DAD to share the load regardless of whether he is currently ill or not.
As for the photo- good grief. If you react like that about him having contact with his DS mother no wonder he didn’t want to let you know about it.

I don’t think that you need to worry about anything with your hubby though, he probably lied because he knew it would bother you, I think that she has no rights to text him anymore when it isn’t about their child, and so he needs to tell her that, it’s not your job to tell her. Does she have any support from her own family members or friends?

I don't think she has done much wrong.

A lot of people look at their exes new partner/old partners etc on Facebook.

She asked for help with pretty major things that involve their child.

She wished him a merry Xmas.

She sent a photo of their child.

You haven't said how she tried to turn their child against you so I can't comment k that, but it's obviously not on.

It sounds like you're insecure and he's trying to keep the peace. Talk, don't try to trick him.

YABU about her sending the photo

YANBU about him lying about it - though ask yourself why because he should have been able to say yes she did a picture of my son

The issue is between you and him

I'd feel the same as you. There's no need to send pictures at that time - do they have a close/good relationship? Or just a hi, bye when picking/collecting child?

I think you're overreacting and it's mean that you're downplaying his child's illness. Perhaps the mother is exhausted caring for the child and needs help from your partner.

When you go out with someone with kids you have to expect them to want to support their previous family.

Wow.

@Tiredismymiddlename85 People shouldn't text at 10pm?

YABVU

It’s a photo. Why do you think he chose to hide it? That’s the issue.

@Bombardier25966 - Where did I say that?! There's no need to send a text of the child at that time. It's hardly going to be a 'real time' photo as it's likely he should be in bed!

YABU. Why would it be wrong for him to help with practical stuff like moving house? Presumably that helps his child too.