Advice needed am I over reacting?

[Keba123]

Hello some advice needed
So basically I have been with my fiance for two years we have a 4 week old son and he has a son from previous relationship
When we first got to get his ex partner was v jealous and throughout the relationship has stalked me on FB, turned their son against me, text him asking him for help moving house (which he declined) , text him asking for help when her car was vandalised , which he was going to do (!) Untill I said it wasnt on... And text him at Christmas saying merry Christmas with a kiss on end... He doesn't know I seen this message (I seen it whilst looking for something else innocently) to which he replied merry Christmas but no kiss.. so all of this Hass been building up .. then last night we are sitting with our newborn 10 at night she messages . He didn't think I seen it. I was that exhausted I didn't say anything and went to bed. Woke up this morning after a sleepless night with baby feeling like a bag of shit and had to have it out with him as it has stewed me all night. I said 'can I ask you something does Charlotte ever text you'
' no ' was his reply
I just said your a liar ...
I seen the messages on your phone last night.
To which he went bright red started sweating profusely and said he had forgotten. I said you forgot it was less then 12 hours ago. So it turns out it was a picture of their child she sent. Now my point is why send that at that time of night.
Am I being unreasonable to think that it is wrong.?
There child has a life limiting illness which is so sad, but they are not by any means ill ATM.
He also said that he can't believe I'm making such a mountain out of a mole hill, he works so hard, everything he does for us etc etc ... Yes he works five days a week...9 hour shifts ...but isn't this just what a parent does to provide.... I feel like it's emotional blackmail.... I shouldn't say anything as he works hard and there child has a illness... Bear in mind the child lives a completely normal life and as I said is not by any means poorly ATM.
Just advice needed as to what you all think

@scotschic
She freely admits she fell pregnant because she wanted to keep him in her life

Why are you all so obsessed with each other?

That doesn't say much for your partner does it OP? He knew about her feelings for him and yet was willing to keep having sex with this apparently neglectful obsessive women for several more years.

Well if i thought my son was so shit scared of his dad that he couldn't ask for his own phone, and wasn't being looked after properly, I wouldn't leave him there. No matter what my ex "allowed".

Your DP needs to seeking a contact order which will include phone calls, holidays etc. In fact he really should have done this a long time ago.

Bluestitch she could have told him she was on the pill, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that women have the power when it comes to pregnancy and trapping men. Look at the evidence, they were having a sex only relationship and then woman got pregnant and kept the baby, and then she still continued to have a sex only relationship, she obviously wanted more!

Can I ask op how long in between him last sleeping with her and getting with you?

You sound really really young. Maybe, 19-23? Or your EQ is very low. I also have a hunch that your partner is much older than you. I may be wrong, but that's just the vibe I get.

My best advice, is to forget about her. I think your partner didn't want to tell you about his sons photo being sent, because he was afraid of your reaction. You seem very jealous and petty. And, that is not a good look. Just concentrate on your own family and try to be more mindful when it comes to bringing up his ex. Unless, his ex is literally sexting him, or sending nudes or something just let it go. Be the bigger person. When she gets your goat, just take a deep breath and count to 10 and let it go.

He will respect you more if you take this approach. Your DP wants a partner, a woman. Not little girl lost.

Good luck! And, congratulations on the birth of your baby!

@scotschic I don't know as I've never asked and now where. 2 year down line I don't feel like I can

Ah yes Scotschic those evil women trapping poor men who simply have no control over where they deposit their sperm.

@misslanesamericancousin
He is 9 years older then me

I'm gutted with my self for acting this way but she literally is obsessed with him and in the past I've let it go but I suppose I just feel absolutely disgusting ATM .... It doesn't help that he has told me he has cheated on past gfs with this woman
But then says he's never loved anyone like me
In all honesty I don't think he would cheat on me
He worships the ground I walk on
I just feel like he's letting her think she still stands a chance

That figures. Was I right about your age as well?

Aw don’t be so naive, of course women trap men into pregnancies, are you daft? There’s a thread on MN somewhere and a post about admitting to trapping her man, which then sparked a few ‘confessions’, obviously not all woman do it but plenty do.

@misslanesamericancousin
I have in the past risen above it
Haven't shown jelously
Been the better person
But having this for 2 years is really wearing even the most emotionally intelligent person would surely snap

Poor bloke.

Has a child with a life limiting illness.
An ex who has turned the child against him (so presumably he doesn't see them)
He is fortunate to meet somebody else and they go on to have a baby.
All the way through, he's dealing with the ex (as the partner).
Then, just as the tiredness is getting to its highest level, he gets a message from his ex with a photo of the kid she has turned against him and is unlikely to see adulthood. At night. Just to ensure that he doesn't feel happy.

And his partner traps him and goes ballistic.

I'm 25

Why would he tell you that he cheated on other women with his ex? What purpose does that serve, other than to hurt you and make you feel jealous of her?

That doesn't sound like a very nice thing for him to do, don't ya think?

Oh sod off Scotschic, she didn't trap him into continuing to Shah her for the next decade did she.

*shag

If he has cheated on girlfriends with her in the past then it’s no wonder she feels she’s in with a chance, I’m laying the blame on your hubby, not her. Imagine telling you that he’s cheated on girlfriends with her, idiot. Sorry to have said that but it’s true.

@MitziK
The child is expected to live untill early 60s
And I doubt he is very tired, he hasnt done a night feed as of yet.

@bluestitch @scotschic
It takes two to tango I'm under no illusions

@MitziK what are you talking about? He sees his son!

No Bluestitch your answer isn’t relevant to my last reply to you, my last reply was about of course plenty women trap men into pregnancy, they are only thinking of keeping a connection to the man rather than the responsibilities for themselves for the rest of their lives.

Although I will say that it must’ve been obvious to the op’s hubby that this woman wanted more and so he should have wore a condom.

I wonder why she was only good enough for sex yet others ‘made it^ to girlfriend status