Advice needed am I over reacting?

[Keba123]

Hello some advice needed
So basically I have been with my fiance for two years we have a 4 week old son and he has a son from previous relationship
When we first got to get his ex partner was v jealous and throughout the relationship has stalked me on FB, turned their son against me, text him asking him for help moving house (which he declined) , text him asking for help when her car was vandalised , which he was going to do (!) Untill I said it wasnt on... And text him at Christmas saying merry Christmas with a kiss on end... He doesn't know I seen this message (I seen it whilst looking for something else innocently) to which he replied merry Christmas but no kiss.. so all of this Hass been building up .. then last night we are sitting with our newborn 10 at night she messages . He didn't think I seen it. I was that exhausted I didn't say anything and went to bed. Woke up this morning after a sleepless night with baby feeling like a bag of shit and had to have it out with him as it has stewed me all night. I said 'can I ask you something does Charlotte ever text you'
' no ' was his reply
I just said your a liar ...
I seen the messages on your phone last night.
To which he went bright red started sweating profusely and said he had forgotten. I said you forgot it was less then 12 hours ago. So it turns out it was a picture of their child she sent. Now my point is why send that at that time of night.
Am I being unreasonable to think that it is wrong.?
There child has a life limiting illness which is so sad, but they are not by any means ill ATM.
He also said that he can't believe I'm making such a mountain out of a mole hill, he works so hard, everything he does for us etc etc ... Yes he works five days a week...9 hour shifts ...but isn't this just what a parent does to provide.... I feel like it's emotional blackmail.... I shouldn't say anything as he works hard and there child has a illness... Bear in mind the child lives a completely normal life and as I said is not by any means poorly ATM.
Just advice needed as to what you all think

@scotschic @misslanesamericancousin
Do you think I should find out when he stopped sleeping with her like how long in between me and her

@scotschic
like he has said to me in past
I shouldn't have done what I did
I wanted to have my cake and eat it it was wrong ...

To be honest I was only asking out of curiosity, it’s not really relevant but I can see why the ex may think that he’ll fold soon enough and get back into bed with her, I imagine that in the past she asked him to ‘help’ her with things and it turned into sex, and so she believes that it will happen with you so he must tell her that he loves you and that he’s with you now and what’s happened previously, isn’t going to happen again.

Sorry but your hubby sounds like a bit of a c*unt and this woman clearly suffers from low self esteem to have accepted just being sex when they have a child together.

Did her car definitley get vandalised? The helping her to wash it off excuse sounds like BS to me

I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way right now, Keba123.
Unfortunately, some men like to lord exs over their partners, as a way to control them. Obviously, I'm only going by what I'm reading here, but that's what it sounds like he's doing. I had an ex do that, and it made me feel like I was going crazy. I'm normally not a jealous person, but the relationship turned me into one.

I hope he has some redeeming qualities, besides being a good provider, because right now, he seems rather manipulative.

Agree with @MissLanes.

He’s more insecure than you, cheaters are often insecure, I don’t mean that he’s cheated on you but his exes.

Heads spinning
He's at work untill 10pm, so im hear with Baba with my head in bits, don't know what to say when he gets in... Don't even know how I feel I'm that tired

Advice what to say?

Keba, I think if you continue to delve into his history with his ex, then you are just playing into his hands. He wants to keep you on your toes and keep in you in line, by subtly making you feel insecure and jealous which is working quite effectively, I might add.

Personally, I would not put up with this, and I would say LTB. However, I don't know what your financials are like, if you have outside family support, that sort of thing.

Perhaps, some other mums netters can chime in with some more practical advice.

Your self esteem really seems like it's in the pits though. And, that makes me sad. You come across as very sweet, albeit naive. But, it's the naiveté that will be your downfall, if it hasn't been already.

How is he father wise?

@MissLanes yes your absolutely right about not delving into his previous relationship, I didn’t think of that.

@Keba I hope coming on here hasn’t made you feel worse? Sometimes asking for advice opens up new doors for you to worry about.

Don’t talk to your hubby tonight though and especially after coming on here, sleep on it and like Lanes says then don’t even bring up past relationship with ex, but if you say that you can see why the ex may think that there’s a chance of getting him again, then that will show that your not really jealous or bothered by her because your blaming him for her behaviour, some men want current gf and ex to have grief with each other, so you have to act indifferent, and if you trust him then I wouldn’t worry about her contacting him anymore.

Good luck

Oh my word, you sound completely awful.

He's okay, he dosnet do night feeds but that's not the end of the world he's quite good with him
I just don't know what to say to him because it's hurting me but I don't want to come across as a jealous wreck. :( Feeling pretty emotional right now

@dieu I can assure you I truly am not awful genuinely am one of the good guys!

There’s nothing to be jealous of though really, it’s your hormones which is completely normal, hormones heighten everything, they’re a nightmare.

What exactly are you jealous of? If you know exactly what it is then you may be able to work through your feelings better?

OP, tbh I think you sound very tired and fed up. You need to try to get your head down if you can, to rest.

You need to get a grip OP.

Like it's little things too
I have no issue with him taking my children any where or seeing my ex with the kids
However he would never ever say even go to pick his son up with me in the car
He would take me home first then go even if we were passing
I get that she probably just wants to avoid a shitty awkward situation but to actually go out of his way for me to never be anywhere near her
I can't put my finger on what I feel

He probably wants to avoid* not she

You don’t trust your hubby and quite frankly I don’t blame you.

I agree with another poster though that you should try to get your head down, all this worry is no good for you and baby, so you should get a good nights sleep and see how you feel tomorrow.

I do think it's really odd he won't take you in the car to collect his son. I dunno why this old tart needs protecting - the son is 14, she needs to move on, he needs to grow some balls and tell her to fuck off. You and your baby are priority - don't forget that!

He sounds like an ex of mine, he loved making me jealous about his exes and now his new woman is jealous of me, she’s 50 and she sent me some god awful messages via FB and she actually said ‘he said I’m better in bed than you’, this from a 50 year old woman! I just sent her laughing emojis back!

I think some posters are being a little hard on you Keba. I know you're 25, but to me you still sound quite young and maybe even sheltered. For instance, my EQ (emotional quotient) was quite low at that age because of my autism and how I grew up. My DH, on the other hand, although an Aspie himself, had already fought in two wars by that age and was quite mature.

If I were you, I would take a break from the internet for awhile. Keep your mind preoccupied with other things. Do something you like to do if you can, like read a book, play music, take a bubble bath, go for a walk if possible or take a nice long nap. Just try to redirect your thoughts to something else, until you can get a fresh perspective on things.

You can always come back here and hopefully, you will get some fresh ideas on how to cope with things as they stand right now.
I agree with Scotscic, about your hormones. I'm not a mother myself (and never have been) so it might behoove you to get some advice on that end.

I really wish you the best. Stay strong for yourself and your family. As my Dad, always used to say, this too shall pass. You won't feel this way forever. Just take it one day at a time. You'll get there (wherever there is that you want to go) You just have to have faith in yourself and believe that things will get better. Take care of yourself.

Did you actually see the photo that she sent him of his son? That sounds like BS too, maybe it was a different type of picture that she sent.