He wants a baby now, says he'll leave if I'm not fertile

[CMD87]

I'm 32 years old. We have been together 9 years. He's in a good paying job. I've been unemployed for 3 months. On the pill since before we met. He's now said once I get a job and we have 2 steady incomes, we have to start trying for a baby. He also said I'm not getting any younger and that if I'm infertile, then he'll have to find someone younger. I'd like kids maybe, but never had that massive maternal longing like other. My nieces and nephews are cool etc! Financially we are not ready.

As I've wrote this out, I now feel I know the answer to my non question here.

Anyone else experience something similar? 😦

Oregbabt?! Wtf language is my autocorrect in, cling on? Pregnant!

Op, tell him to jog on and find rhe younger model, do not stay or have a baby with this prick.

Well he sounds like a dick

Don't go there! Please.

Can you imagine how soon he is going to want you back at work and how he is going to massively resent supporting you when on reduced/zero pay with maternity leave.

See this as a wake up call and start making your exit plans.

Agree with PP who said he is showing who he is now that he is supporting you briefly. He feels in control and entitled to make demands.
Please get a job and tell him that you found a younger man as his talk resonated with you. That you are saying hasta la vista to his old sperm.

Op, please LTB.

He's not even treating you like a human being! This is easily, one of the vilest things I have ever read on MN.

You are better than this. You deserve better than this. Just find the courage and leave him. This does't have to be your story. Find a better book

Merville is also completely right re fertility. Most experts now say the whole 35 drop off is a complete myth - it's based on studies from French women in the 1700s, ie before antibiotics and when life expectancy was far lower. Don't take it from me, look it up.

And to all those saying a woman would be told to leave if her partner didn't want a baby, read the post again for goodness sake, that is not what is happening here. If a male partner turned out to have fertility issues, people would suggest treatment and alternative options. OP is being treated as a rent a womb and threatened at a time when they are not financially stable, when her fertility will likely go on for years anyway, and even if not, there are plenty of things - IVF, egg donors etc that could still ensure he could have his baby. This is about being treated like cattle whose sole purpose is for viable breeding, not about wanting different things in life. Ugh, I agree with the others OP, you should seriously consider whether you really want this man to be the father of your child...

I would tell him that you're saving your eggs for a hot young stud and you don't want his aging sperm anywhere near you

This is sad
Even if you get pregnant, imagine how unsupportive he would be if you had a miscarriage? He has shown his true colours and you have years and years to meet someone lovely to have kids with.

Of course he’s not going to leave you......
Because, you are going to come to your senses and leave him.

What makes him so sure that young women are going to be queuing up to have his baby?
from what I can see young women nowadays are keen to invest in their careers and their earning potential before they think about having babies

Wow he's special isn't he.
You are 32. If I were you after this disgusting ultimatum I'd leave him and get on with your life. You still have time to meet someone have children: and preferably not with a half baked piece of excrement like him.

Don't punish any children with him for a father

What is he- Henry VIII?

Well at least you've found out what a dick he is in time to make a fun new life and meet someone else you can have children with if you want to.

For the sake of all humanity do not procreate with this utter twazzock.

There’s the door then

If he wants children and you don't then you have no future together, better to find out now than later.

Tell him you want to get married before you have children and see what he says. Then leave.

Honestly I’d be looking to leave.
He sounds like a knobber
in 25 years you won’t be on a porch swing telling your grandkids the loveable anecdote of how grandpa forced you into a pregnancy and treated you as a commodity to be traded in when you lost your worth.

if you do go down this insane route...
For the love of god insist on
-getting married before you conceive
-shared finances
-buying a house/flat

Sorry I disagree with PPs about 32 being early to be thinking about this. The 'fertility cliff' at 35 is a myth but . . . . If you're in the 10% of people with fertility problems - and it may be as many as 1 in 6 or in 7 - starting earlier helps. In people who need IVF, there is a meaningful decline over 35 and a body of evidence exists to show that IVF outcomes are better under 35, and again under 40. For the benefit of anyone reading this who definitely knows they want children and are with the right person, 32 is time to get going.

All that aside, LTB.

Ugh, he sounds awful. Huge warning signs here, OP. He sounds horribly controlling, selfish and cruel. In your shoes, I'd be looking to get another job asap, find my own place, then leave him. Sounds like he's the type to dump you for someone younger in the future anyway, regardless of whether you have a baby - if that's the way his mind already thinks.

I feel like I've stumbled into Gilead reading this.

Well as you are not a brood mare, to be valued only by your capability to carry his seed... I’d be getting ready to leave him.

That means working on your self esteem, and getting another job, before kissing this froggy goodbye and chucking him back in the pond.

What if it turns out he is the one that can't father a kid?

Are you living in The Handmaid's Tale?

Imagine your child finding out you were born as the result of an ultimatum like that. Vile.