He wants a baby now, says he'll leave if I'm not fertile

[CMD87]

I'm 32 years old. We have been together 9 years. He's in a good paying job. I've been unemployed for 3 months. On the pill since before we met. He's now said once I get a job and we have 2 steady incomes, we have to start trying for a baby. He also said I'm not getting any younger and that if I'm infertile, then he'll have to find someone younger. I'd like kids maybe, but never had that massive maternal longing like other. My nieces and nephews are cool etc! Financially we are not ready.

As I've wrote this out, I now feel I know the answer to my non question here.

Anyone else experience something similar? 😦

I've never commented on a relationship thread, but I'm here to say get away fast.

He may not have said it well but many women on here are advised to leave their partners if they don't want DC but the woman does.
I'd say he's put his cards on the table and it's now up to you what you want to do.

As you will find for a number of us on here, the cause is male infertility. What is the plan if he isn't fertile?

You've been together 9 years and he says that, wow. Nothing like extra pressure to make you feel good about yourself.

Are some of you having trouble with reading comprehension ?

The issue here is not if op is willing to try for a baby but whether she can conceive or not

Two very different scenarios

This is great timing - please for the love of everything you hold dear don't have a baby with this complete twat.

He sounds vile and certainly not like someone I'd want around my kids, let alone as their father. You're obviously going to LTB right?

Leave him instead.

Run like the wind.

Like you say OP you know the answer.

Good luck, your future will bring better things than this absolute wankbadger of a man.

This is so bizarre - it’s one thing to have a conversation about wanting children and being realistic about timelines etc (as in “i’d Like to start in the next 2 years”) or similar; but it’s so odd to just outright start making ultimatums about fertility etc if there’s been zero indication/discussion beforehand.

Does he have form for saying bizarrely cruel things, OP? I’d honestly be concerned about DP’s mental health if he came out with something like this; alternatively i’d Be running for the hills if he had form.

I don't know whether your husband has said it as bluntly as he has if he has I think that's very hurtful. His approach is feckless.

On the other hand when women want a baby and their dp don't they are told to leave and find someone else who would give them children.

The infertility bit he is probably only thinking about how it's harder to conceive at an older stage thus the younger woman reference, rather than the gazzilions of reasons someone can be infertile.

Think you need to sit down with him and talk through whether firstly you even want a child if you don't then it makes sense to part ways. If you do want a child talk to him about the different reasons for infertility and sort of work out the next steps.

What an epic twat.

Wonder how he'd feel he he was infertile?

Pepsilola please let it be so!

Thank you all so much for your comments and advice so far. Unsure of how to move this to Relationship thread.

We have spoken in the past about kids. Previously we spoke of if infertility is an issue from either of us, then we'll look to foster/adopt.

Not tied together financially yet. Still renting. He's joked in the past about the younger model thing but today it was dead serious. An ultimatum. He wants to know now if I can have kids. I'm relying on him now financially to keep house bills paid. I don't want resentment. I don't want to be forced into it. I've said this to him. To add to it, his mother likes to throw in the odd "You're no spring chicken now". Thats obviously where he's getting it.

I'm lost and beginning to feel suffocated. I can't believe I'm becoming that woman who I'd be giving all your advice to.

We suffered from infertility for years. Not once did I ever consider leaving my DH. Not ever. And I was desperate for children.

Get your self a job as fast as you can and get yourself financially independent OP.

He sees you as Rent-a-womb and so does his thick mother

No wonder you feel suffocated. This shit is guaranteed to make you want to run a mile. And you should.

How long have you been living together?

Any of these signs of emotional abuse sound familiar?

Either way, there are red flags based on what you've already said.

Make sure your contraception is water-tight.

(To get your thread moved you can report your post with a message asking MNHQ to move it. One of us can do that for you if you want to move it and can't work it out.)

He understands that even if you both wanted a baby, it can take multiple cycles for most couples to conceive, right? Would he be okay with waiting up to a year before he decides you have fertily issues (which you very well might not, and/or he could have) before he goes elsewhere? Doesn't seem to me like that is the case.

Usually I'd be inclined to see if this could be figured out, but honestly, I feel like he's told you exactly how he feels in a few sentences.

Women are allowed to want children, not want children - the exact same goes for men, I feel. But what shouldn't be allowed is this behaviour he's treating you with.

*fertility 🙈 How auto correct bugger up that one is beyond me

We're just moving this to relationships for the OP.

Dump him now

After nine years he decides this? Your not even living together? He could be the one with issues not you

Hmm.

So you becoming unemployed and having to rely on him means he now feels free to say what he likes to you because (in his mind) there's nothing you can do about it.

I'd get a job, any job, super quick and then leave.