Is this sweet or would it put you off?

[Totallyaddictedtobass]

I have a tendency to back off from the decent ones and pursue the bad boys or men where a relationship would be challenging to get to..ie they work abroad or have personal issues to work though, whatever it is it’s not straightforward.

Chatted to a man online once on the phone and a had about an hour messaging before that the day before. He’s since text me to say he’s prepared me a playlist that he wants to send to me, now he’s got a feel of the sort of music I like (our music taste came up briefly during the phone call the other night).

My reaction is to think that’s quite odd and full on. But am I doing my usual thing of pushing away someone who is simply being nice and it’s something to see as quite sweet rather than a red flag?

I think he sounds very nice, considerate and sensitive, taking it slowly. It's good to get to know someone a bit before making a big jump and you are getting to know each other, at least online.

I thought it was the opposite of slow to be honest!

Maybe that’s where I am going wrong haha

Maybe a little eager but not necessarily a bad thing, the important thing is how do you feel about it?
Are you making any plans to meet up with him?

Personally I think it is, well not quite "full on", but certainly pretty keen.

It seems a lot of effort to go to for someone you haven't even met yet. I wouldn't go so far as saying it's a red flag though. Just something to keep an eye on in case it's the start of a pattern of behaviour. Maybe he's just really into music!

More sweet than intrusive. It's related to a conversation not shoe horned in. And it's not pushing for face to face contact or getting sexual too soon (unless Let's Get It On is included!)

I think it's sweet.

I'd listen. And if he has included shite like Simply Red or Crowded House you can sack him off, the bellend.

No plans to meet yet. I assume he will ask. He seems interested.

I’m surprised people don’t think it’s inappropriate/full on. This is clearly where I am going wrong!

A lot of effort? I can make playlists now with apps like Spotify in a matter of minutes.

It sounds nice. Teenagers play games. Grownups who meet on dating sites should not have to play hard to get as they are there for a reason.

Now if he then starts badgering you constantly about whether you've listened to it, are you listening to it now, did you think of him when you played it.. then no. Too much!

It seems slightly full on to me. But also sweet. Give it a go OP!

Oh, that's sweet!

I’m so so surprised by these posts! I really thought they’d all say what a weirdo he is. I’ll be open minded...

I think it sounds lovely.

Its a playlist - music.... it’s not marriage

What vibe do you get from him in general? I'm thinking back to when my BF and I began chatting online and I instantly felt at ease chatting with him. If he'd have done that for me I'd have thought it was sweet, where as some of the guys who were coming on all strong/ being too intense I'd have seen it as a negative.
It's not a red flag in itself though

I agree it sounds sweet and thoughtful. Listen to the playlist and give him your thoughts on it. He obviously likes his music and wants to discuss it and use it as a way of bonding with you

I think that's quite full on too actually but I am the same as you with terrible taste in men.

Yuo, not a weirdo yet! See what the playlist is. He may be overly confident or, hopefully interesting!

These posts are making me feel like I’m not ready for a relationship.

What’s wrong with me that my reaction is to cringe when someone does something nice

It would take minutes to make a playlist on something like Spotify. I don't think it's full on. Maybe he is really into music and you mentioned mediocre music and he wants to know if you'd appreciate the kind of music he likes. All my boyfriends have been musicians; and dating has centred around going to gigs/festivals. I personally don't know if I could date someone who had opposing music taste to me. I've often suggested playlists or given compilation CD's to people in work totally platonically.

Having said that, if they are all shit love songs then yes, you're initial instinct that he is a weirdo are correct.

Have you tried going to counselling? Seriously I’ve got a couple of long term single friends who only like bad guys and they’ve only met someone after extensive counselling. Their issues stem from watching their parents divorce, parents having affairs, bullying as a child etc

I’m a fellow commitment-phone, and I’d find this cringeworthy and off-putting, which probably means... you should go for it, if you want to break the pattern.

Use the playlist and his reaction after it as a screening tool.