Is this sweet or would it put you off?

[Totallyaddictedtobass]

I have a tendency to back off from the decent ones and pursue the bad boys or men where a relationship would be challenging to get to..ie they work abroad or have personal issues to work though, whatever it is it’s not straightforward.

Chatted to a man online once on the phone and a had about an hour messaging before that the day before. He’s since text me to say he’s prepared me a playlist that he wants to send to me, now he’s got a feel of the sort of music I like (our music taste came up briefly during the phone call the other night).

My reaction is to think that’s quite odd and full on. But am I doing my usual thing of pushing away someone who is simply being nice and it’s something to see as quite sweet rather than a red flag?

I think that sounds lovely - I mean assuming he's listened to you and it's not the "Bridal March" or whatever they play at weddings that would be way too full on! Playlists are easy to make and fun... gives you something to chat about and nice he did something for you. Trying harder than the "Do you want to see my cock now" brigade!

Starting counselling this week actually!!

When he sends the playlist can you share pretty please!

I don't like it.

It’s a nice gesture but if you don’t like the music he’s chosen that makes it really awkward. I don’t like the idea of someone trying to educate me about music, unless we had very similar taste. Because next you’ll get him asking what you thought, he’s looking for praise. Unless you really do get each other.

Too OTT and cringe for me

I agree with you, it's too full on as you've only spoken once and messaged a little. I'd be a little spooked by that kind of behaviour so soon.

I would be running for the hills. Too much for me.

Well he's hardly recording it to tape off his LPs, is he?

Like Buttery says, it's a work of minutes. I'd listen to it in the car / on train, and see if it's any good.

It's interesting that when someone wants to do something nice for you that you cringe. You know you've had bad relationships in the past. You know you want something different this time. I think if you're used to bad behaviour in a relationship then you might find you're the one who's horrible in this relationship - I would leave him alone to find someone who'll treat him well.

I'm a commitmentphobe too and I'd totally balk at this. You should definitely try with him because I only choose shitbags

I think it sounds lovely. Nobody’s ever made me a playlist. I’d use it to see if you maybe compatible. See which songs he includes. I don’t think it’s full on at all

Totallyaddicted I just came across this thread by chance, I was in the relationships talk area and I found this thread.

You could be me, I too go after bad boys or men that are emotionally unavailable, or just unavailable and with me, it’s a lack of self esteem and not believing in myself, and that I don’t deserve a nice guy, and also the fact that I don’t truly want a relationship but I’m not a no strings type of woman and I never have been, due to other things that I won’t go into then I have psychological problems with sex atm, and it’s that bad that sex scenes on TV shows are starting to make me feel physically sick, this is why I’m sick of the show Catastrophe, far too much sex, and far too many vulgar jokes and references about sex, I’m no prude but I’m beginning to get uncomfortable watching sex scenes.

The thing is is that in my screwed up mind then ‘nice guys’, are seriously lacking something and I don’t know what it is, I almost feel sorry for nice guys, how messed up is that?!

This thread is going to be interesting because I’d like to hear different opinions on the matter before I enter, if I ever do, another relationship.

If you hadn't had a conversation about music then it might be a bit wtf but at least he's gone off of the back of a conversation. I think it's quite thoughtful and sweet.

If I were you I would give him a chance. Remember you haven't met him yet. This is just one gesture out of many that he could have done.

Like another poster said, if he starts being pushy or love bombing too much then you will have your answer. But I really don't think you should read too much into it...

A few texts and one phone call and he's made a playlist? I think it's a bit full on but would allow it to progress, he may just be over eager to please and calm down a bit

A man doing the playlist for me without having met him is a total turn off for me, I like when men do sweet things for me but only once we’re in an established relationship, otherwise I find it quite sickening and to try hard, cheesy too.

Maybe deep down your a commitment phobe, and you know that your more likely to be in a more meaningful relationship with a nice guy than a baddie, and this is why you back off? You sound exactly like me!

I'd probably find it slightly OTT, but I'm as single as they come, and have passed up many a nice guy while holding out for an arsehole.

So give him a chance, I say.

I am the same as you and just recently ended something with someone after 3 dates where they were nothing but nice.

I'm emotionally unavailable right now and don't like myself/my life enough to believe I'm worthy of someone liking me that much.

But also, I do think the playlist thing is a bit weird....and the sort of thing I might have considered doing at like 15?

I’m on the waiting list for counselling too, how mad is that?!

I’m definitely a commitment phobe, the thought of being in a relationship for more than 3 years just makes me feel blah, not everyone is cut out for long term relationships though, just because society makes out that marriage and kids is the be all and end all doesn’t mean it really is. Once all the butterflies and amazing frequent sex go from the relationship then I start getting bored, I’m a bit of a cheater too, I’ve been told from past boyfriends that I think like a man and strangely enough, I’ve also told 1 or 2 boyfriends that they’re far too sensitive and it’s like they’re the woman in the relationship!

Would depend what was on the playlist for me.
I don't think it's a lot of effort or anything and if you've talked about music and have similar taste, I'd think it quite sweet and him just giving you more to talk about.

It would put me off. It would also make me suspicious that he was just trying to get my private contact details.

Also remember that lots of bad boys try to come across as nice guys at first, until you get to know them! Maybe he’s desperate for a relationship?

On a different note then how screwed up is this, I love mind games when I like a guy and I know they like me, am I just totally fucked up?

It depends what’s on it. If it’s ‘every breath you take’ and ‘Delilah’ run for the hills.
More general stuff that is your style, then maybe it’s a good sign that he gets you and you have common ground.

Can’t hurt to listen.

Well I’d politely accept the playlist but I’d be a bit twitchy if it’s his ‘thing’ ie he does it to all the women to make him look sensitive and lovely.
You’d never know I was a cynical cow btw.

I don't think it's necessarily full on or inappropriate but would make me cringe a bit and put me off.