Is this sweet or would it put you off?

[Totallyaddictedtobass]

I have a tendency to back off from the decent ones and pursue the bad boys or men where a relationship would be challenging to get to..ie they work abroad or have personal issues to work though, whatever it is it’s not straightforward.

Chatted to a man online once on the phone and a had about an hour messaging before that the day before. He’s since text me to say he’s prepared me a playlist that he wants to send to me, now he’s got a feel of the sort of music I like (our music taste came up briefly during the phone call the other night).

My reaction is to think that’s quite odd and full on. But am I doing my usual thing of pushing away someone who is simply being nice and it’s something to see as quite sweet rather than a red flag?

I really need to know what is on the playlist to judge.

It would put me off tbh

Has he sent you a dick pic ? If not he's a keeper 😀

I wouldn't love this but more because it assumes I have time to listen to a whole playlist and will then be expected to feedback on it appropriately enthusiastically. I couldn't be arsed with that. But then I'm not a music person, if he sent me an interesting article I'd be much more inclined to spend the time

Why not ask him why he did it, in a "you shouldn't have gone to all that trouble" sort of way? I would not whip up a playlist for someone unless there was a specific reason. It would kind of put me off, I would have to ask them why they did it.

It’s fun!

And it demonstrates he has made an effort.

I'm honestly not understanding all the 'it's really sweet' replies. I'm just not! Did you all read the bit where the OP has ONLY had a couple of online messages and a few texts from this guy??? She's NEVER MET HIM!! It's only sweet if you've had a few dates and are maybe starting to get romantically involved! There's nothing sweet about it...it's cringe!! He doesn't know her! I'd accept the odd 'oh, have you listened to.....by.....' if you'd discussed music, but asking to send a whole playlist 🤢🤢🤢

I'd be running for the hills!! And I'm not a commitment phone 🤷‍♀️

Thing is that some boring people see music as an extension of their personality and so would see sending a playlist as a 'getting to know you' move
I wouldn't think it was weird or too much if a guy I was chatting to send me an article or a book recommendation. I think this is the same for music lovers.

Hmmm, I'm not really sure how I'd feel, it does sound quick.
If someone I were dating were to send me a playlist, then I would feel obligated to listen to each and every song, grit my teeth as I listen to the ones I dislike, and come up with very polite feedback. I also think it's really difficult to know from one conversation (however long) about what types of songs a person would like. All because someone says they like rock, for example, doesn't mean they will like all rock.

@Pearlsandgems
have a look at r/neckbeardstories

has he ever called you m'lady op?

I really thought they’d all say what a weirdo he is
Sorry OP but I totally agree with this.
This would have me running for the hills.
Half an hour messaging and one phone conversation and he's made you the equivalent of a mixed tape!!!!
That's just pain weird in my world.
But.... I'm also single so maybe that's why

Did you all read the bit where the OP has ONLY had a couple of online messages and a few texts from this guy??? She's NEVER MET HIM!!

Plus a phone call of over an hour! Come on, it hardly takes a long time to make a playlist these days, you can make one in 15 minutes on Spotify!

Some people are so keen to see red flags when there are none.

I would think that it is rather full on and 'love bombing', the op has not physically met him and has only exchanged a few messages. So he is a stranger,

And i would feel a strange stranger at that!

It's a bit of music, he hasn't friggin proposed 😂

I would think that it is rather full on and 'love bombing', the op has not physically met him and has only exchanged a few messages. So he is a stranger

It's a playlist, not a weekend in Paris!

A Spotify playlist is not creepy. It takes minutes and not usually used in the same way romantic mix tapes of the 90s were. It’s most likely just, you might like these. Not, listen to these which represent my feelings towards you!

If it was presented to me in the spirit of "listen to this because I am the arbiter of good musical taste and you obviously need to be educated" I would find it a complete turn-off. If it was more "from what we were talking about earlier, I think you might like this music", that would be slightly better, but still a little patronising imo. It assumes that you don't already know about the bands/songs in question and aren't capable of seeking out new music for yourself if you want to. If I went on that playlist and it was full of really obvious stuff being put forward for my consideration as if it were some exciting new discovery, I'd think he was really clueless and it would completely put me off. I am very definite about what sort of music I like though!

Hmmm I am on the fence with this one, depends on the spirit on which it was done, needy, sweet, considerate, arrogant.

My only similarly experience was when I was 17 and split up with finished a guy . He sent me a tape in the post, blank apart from Phil Collins against all odds, it didn't have the desired effect, in fact my best friend and I still pee our pants laughing about it nearly 40 years later.

@GraceMarks
Exactly!

Can't believe how much people are over analysing this.

Make a coffee date with him soon and see how it goes.

But if you just want to get with douche bags who treat you like crap and break your heart, then just keep repeating past patterns.

That would put me right off! Maybe if you had got to know him more/little bit further down the road, but you've barely just started talking to each other. A bit much tbh

I think it's charming. A thoughtful gesture that took a small amount of effort on his part, and doesn't place any pressure on you.

I honestly don't see how it's creepy! Aren't people supposed to do nice little things like this when they're 'courting'?

Unless every single song is super creepy sexual... Then no.

I mean, my reasons are all to do with music snobbery and not whether I think it's creepy or too much... I would feel the same way about someone who sent me a reading list (especially if it was full of blokey spy thrillers) after we'd had a conversation about books.

But as for whether it's too full-on, it won't have taken him very long to do and he probably just thought it would be a nice gesture. I don't think it's the same thing as sitting for hours with a cassette recorder and making a mix-tape of carefully-selected love songs, all with a pointed and personal meaning. I once got such a tape through the post from a man I'd just broken up with, and it was full of songs about deceitful women and heartbroken nice guys. This was back in the late 90s when there was no Spotify. I was more upset by the thought of the sustained hatred that he must have needed to propel him through the creation of a 90-minute tape than by the actual content of it!

A playlist after one conversation?

He sounds like he's 13.
Or a bit needy
Or maybe both

I need to know what's on the playlist!!!!