You asked earlier about some early "red flags" so I have thought of some things from before the time we were married. They may or may not resonate with you.
When I bought my first brand new car, paid for entirely by myself, I ended up with a car I hated. When people asked why I didn't just buy the car I wanted, I remember saying: "but I won't sulk if I don't get my first choice". Remember this was my own car, paid for by me. And I hated it because dh pushed me into buying his preferred model.
On the car topic, driving around in my previous car, he managed to break the sunroof. Didn't offer to pay for repair, even though he had a higher income and considerably higher wealth than I did. No sooner had I paid to fix it (and I was hard up at the time), and he managed to break it. Again. No offer to pay. Again.
We went on a long haul holiday, travelling around a country. I planned it. I remember him telling me one hotel was too posh, and we should change it. There was no conversation about my preference. He assumed I would change it, and he was right. I really liked the look of the hotel we could have stayed in and thought it would be a nice treat. We were each paying for ourselves.
I could go on, (and on and on), but the general idea is that from early on I was playing the role of people pleaser to someone who was extremely selfish and lacked empathy.
My situation resembled yours in the sense that he had an ostensibly happy and stable family background whilst I came from a home with domestic violence, parents splitting up, mum having a string of boyfriends, me feeling somewhat neglected. I was pretty poor although there was a light at the end of the tunnel in that I had a decent career underway. He was very wealthy, mostly inherited wealth, but a higher income than me, at least to start with. Nevertheless, I was expected to match his spending and I even paid for all of our food for quite some time.
Counselling has helped me to see a lot of my behaviour as people-pleasing, putting other people's wants and needs ahead of mine. In my case, perhaps as a result of a desire to avoid conflict and maybe just make people like me, perhaps because I fear people won't like the real me. The disparity in wealth has also led to a disparity in "power". I didn't want to seem like a gold digger in the early days, so I spent money I couldn't afford on things I didn't necessarily want. He and his family paid for most of the wedding costs, so I found it hard to assert my preferences. And, to be honest, dh has a strong tendency only to hear what suits.
My children have got to the point these days when they want me to leave him. Yes, things are that bad. I am working on that, I really am. My very astute 12-year-old said to me the other week: "If you leave Dad, you'll finally be in charge of your own life." And in a nutshell, that sums up the main problem. Through a life spent pleasing someone else, I have given control to someone I can, by now, barely tolerate at times.