What can I do to replace my dream of marriage and kids

[Broadbandstar]

I’m at a place where I know I need to accept that it is highly likely that I won’t get married and have kids. After spending all of my twenties in relationships that ended and dates that didn’t work out, I have lost the spark and energy and excitement towards finding someone and settling down.

The problem is, I’m left with empty. A family has always been on my radar and I’ve done all possible to help get to that point. I go from feeling sad to angry to frustrated to hopeless. I’ve had enough of dating and have had many years of enjoying the single life. It’s obviously not for me. But what else is there?

I’ve read before on here that people say find a hobby, live for you. I’ve done all that. I’m just empty. All I’ve ever wanted is to be in love and bring up a family. I don’t know what my life will be now.

My great aunt (actually my mums dearest friend and my pseudo grandmother) had one of the most wonderful, love filled lives. She was 60 when I was born and incredibly fulfilled but I know from my mum that a lot of heart ache proceeded that. She had a career she loved, friendships like family, several godchildren who adored her, volunteer work which gave her a community and us.

Just wondering what others do when their life isn’t filled with that sort of love.

I make and play my own music with other people and on my own. Sometimes I play live.

I have a couple of activities I do - cycling and running.

I have a interesting job.

I'm an engaged friend and auntie to two gorgeous nieces and I have 3 godchildren.

I am present and involved with my elderly mum.

I do stuff that I couldn't do if I have young children - comedy club, last minute trips with friends.

I have had a string of unsuitable lovers although now have a relatively steady bf. Not likely to move in or have children though.

I hope this helps.

Could you give some time to a charity? Helping others in difficult situations could give you a different kind of fulfilment.

I was like you aged 33, I felt like I’d spent my whole life dating and getting it wrong. I just kept at it with internet dating etc and I also read a book called Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb which made me realise that I’d shunned quite a few men for superficial reasons.
It meant that when I did meet my current partner online, I didn’t t just dismiss him because of his slightly dodgy taste in shirts and other random things like he didn’t pay on the first date. Instead, I took my time getting to know him and realised we’re acrially a very good match.
I then fell pregnant almost immediately aged 35, 37 and 42.
While I think it’s absolutely right to plan for a life without a partner and kids, I think at 35 I’d still be trying internet dating and agencies etc. Oh and all the cliches about kids are true.. once you have them you do desperately miss your old freedom

This could be me, after 7 yrs of celibacy (more or less) I joined a dating agency ( was a while ago) and met my DH 3 weeks before my 35th birthday. We have been together 19 years, 2DD. Don't give up hope, 35 isn't old. It can happen!

OP, DS2 is 35 and in exactly the same position as you, despite having several long term relationships in the last 10 years, he is beginning to look at his friends settled with their young families, and believing it is never going to happen for him, however he is a very busy person does two jobs and does voluntary work as well, he says with a wry smile that he doesn't have time for a love life, and he is not going out of his way anymore to try and persue one, and sees no point any more!

I got married at 23 and 63
My first marriage lasted over 30 years...it was alright
But I didn’t meet the second one till I was 56..and this time around it’s bloody brilliant

Thank god we never had kids together...we have different parent styles and wouldn’t have lasted two minutes
I had three with my first husband

Never give up hope.

Write a list of the kind of man you want to meet ( I did for my second husband )
I didn’t put Rich, solvent will do

Just think about the kind of man you want to attract. I definitely believe in the laws of attraction and we met through pof

He ticked every box and was my second date, by 5 weeks we knew this was something special.

I literally couldn’t be happier.

I can feel the negativity in your post. That will never do.
My husband is a widower . I had to wait for him to be free...and he was worth the wait...I just got on with my life having a blast till he turned up

Oh and my friend never met the one.
She tried ivf and it never happened for her
Then at 45 she tried again and had triplets.

She is so happy...and she lived her life to the full while she waited for them.