Hi
I'm writing this even if I know a lot of people is going to write angry replies to me. It's ok, probably I deserve it. But I also know maybe someone has gone thru the same and can help me. The critics also help, I need to confront and talk about something that's been a secret for a long time.
I had an emotional affair that lasted almost 3 years. It was an old acquaintance that contacted me saying he had always had a major crush on me. We lived very far away, he had a girlfriend and I was married with kids, but I felt flattered and started talking to him, as I found he was an intelligent, interesting man.
He kept saying how beautiful I was, how much he thought of me and we started talking every day, all day. He become the first thing I thought of when waking up and the last thing on my mind before going to bed. He was obsessed with talking to me, calling me, seeing pics of me. And I became obsessed too. I tried to walk away a couple of times but always came back because I missed him so much.
My husband is a nice man, attractive and very kind. To be honest, I still don't know why I did this to him. He is not perfect but he is one of the best men I've ever known. I just got caught, the adrenaline, the love words, his intensity, the sexting. I wasn't smart enough to scape.
After a year he told me he was getting married, maybe, because he knew he could make a life with me. But I told him to propose anyway because we haven't even seen each other. He got married but we kept on and off. Trying to do the right thing but then falling back into talking. I went to see him on a desperate attempt to see if it was real and he didn't want to show up. In the end he did but he was so nervous and scared that we only talked for 20 minutes. And then, he tried for 2 years to show me he regretted it and that he wanted a second chance to see me. So we planned a second meeting but then he told me he lost his job, he was depressed and couldn't deal with anything. He just left. No explanation. I contacted him a couple of times but he says he can't explain, not saying good bye but then going silent. I've tried to let him go but I still think of him every single day, I feel so bad, so sad, I feel used, I can't understand. Maybe he did it because I couldn't offer him a real relationship but why he doesn't say so... why the cruelty of just going silent and say he is "figuring out". I know for sure he is over me. I wish he had the courage to say so.
And meanwhile I'm trying to be happy with all that I have, that is a lot, but I can't. I'm stuck with all this in my mind, no one to talk to.
I regret so much, if you ever feel tempted please don't do it because then your life never goes back to be what it was. Stay faithful. I wish I could be sure one day I'll be ok.