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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My partner just left me

114 replies

Amberhoney78 · 12/01/2019 13:07

Hi, my partner of 15 months has moved out saying he can't handle my 4 year old son anymore .. please help I'm broken xx

OP posts:

GertrudeCB · 12/01/2019 13:13

Do you have ant friends/ family you can call?

GertrudeCB · 12/01/2019 13:13

*any, sorry fat fingers.

user1498854363 · 12/01/2019 13:15

So sorry you are feeling crap, what is a total surprise or has this been building?
Was Christmas tough?

SuperSuperSuper · 12/01/2019 14:27

Oh that sucks OP. Tell us more if you feel up to it. X

Original poster

Amberhoney78 · 12/01/2019 14:28

A few months ago he said he might start staying at his mums at the weekends when my lo is here, he started working away mom-Friday in September.. then never mentioned it again. He is always quick to tell him off, do this don't do that so I have been on eggshells when he is home at the weekends trying to make sure that he behaves.. he's was off for 2 weeks at Christmas .
He's been funny all week, not phoning me at night when he normally does every night and ignoring or briefly replying to my texts so I knew something was wrong.. then text me at work yesterday saying we needed to talk when I got home. I got home and he'd packed all his stuff and put it in his car arranged with his mum to stay at her house and told me that he can't cope with it anymore.. he loves me to bits but can't keep coming home to this!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Amberhoney78 · 12/01/2019 14:30

I have children, 4,10,12 and 15 who go to their dads most weekends and he has a daughter 9 who comes to stay every other weekend x

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 12/01/2019 14:31

Is your son badly behaved?

Whether he is or isn't...it wasn't working for him, so it's best over.

It's not fair on your DS or you to be on edge like that.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 12/01/2019 14:34

You are well rid. Staying with a man who clearly dislikes young children and what they're actually like would have been a nightmare and deeply unfair to your son. Your son is 4, and presumably acting like a 4 year old, as he is entitled to do. He shouldn't have to walk on eggshells and pretend he doesn't exist or he's 14 in his own home. He's little! And he's yours! And he needs to come first!

Sorry, OP, but you should have asked him to leave some time ago by the sounds of it...

TrackerBar · 12/01/2019 14:37

He is always quick to tell him off, do this don't do that so I have been on eggshells when he is home at the weekends trying to make sure that he behaves

Even though it's very painful for you right now I think it's probably for the best and you can relax in your own home again.

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 12/01/2019 14:40

Be glad he has gone op. I stayed in a relationship that wasn't the best thing for my dc when I was in an abusive relationship. Massive repercussions for dc down the line living in the environment you describe.
You will be more than fine. Having dc shouldn't make you settle for less than you deserve. All of you.
Take some time to enjoy your dc and get back on your feet.

Original poster

Amberhoney78 · 12/01/2019 14:40

He's not badly behaved, he had all the tests for Aspergers from being 18 months as he can be very particular with things, he is extremely clingy to me and have what I think are normal 4 year old tantrums.. me and his dad have shared care so he is away wed to sat every week.. he went to Thailand with his dad on Boxing Day until 3 jan so wasn't around much anyway..

OP posts:

CarolDanvers · 12/01/2019 14:42

Good riddance. I have two children with autism.

Sorry you're hurting though.

Original poster

Amberhoney78 · 12/01/2019 14:45

His dad is undiagnosed aspergers and I had 3 years of hell with him till I left when dc was 6 months old.. he spends half the week in a military style house and half the week at mine where I am more relaxed with things.. so when he comes home all he wants is me and it is tiring but I thought if you loved someone then you work through whatever is thrown at you.. his daughter is extremely spoilt and proper kicks off if she doesn't get her own way, she hated me being anywhere near her dad but I tried my best to see the good in her x

OP posts:

showmeshoyu · 12/01/2019 14:53

It sounds like a clean break. These blended families often don't work. He doesn't have a connection with your son so it's stressing him out and he's done the right thing in leaving before he made all your lives really miserable. You said you were on eggshells anyway so this sounds like he's doing you a favour in going quickly and quietly. Now you need to start to heal emotionally, I'm sorry, I imagine that's hard.

Seaweed42 · 12/01/2019 14:54

He sounds like hard work. Has to have everything his own way or he kicks off. so I have been on eggshells when he is home at the weekends trying to make sure that he behaves
It sound like he only likes you when he can have you all to himself with no one else wanting your attention. Probably the reason his last relationship broke up.

Original poster

Amberhoney78 · 12/01/2019 15:45

He was married for 10 year and she had an affair and left him x

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 12/01/2019 15:59

Its best he's gone. It must be hard for your DS coping with 2 different styles of parenting like that.

Original poster

Amberhoney78 · 13/01/2019 09:48

He came back yesterday and took the rest of his stuff.. still said he loved me and missed me but he just can't handle it.. says he wants to be able to relax when he comes home at the weekends and says he doesn't know what he wants..
I am just so crushed I don't know what to do x

OP posts:

TrackerBar · 13/01/2019 11:21

@Amberhoney78

Just remind yourself how he made you feel in your own home and how horrible he has been to and about your son. He has made it all about what he wants and has not considered the impact on you.
That is not how a decent partner behaves. The only advice I can offer is just to keep yourself really busy, change the locks if he still has a key and don't let him talk you into taking him back. Eventually you will start to feel better.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 13/01/2019 11:41

You need to cut all contact with him to make it easier to move on and then do just that: move on.

He wasn't right for your child, which means he wasn't right for you.

Original poster

Amberhoney78 · 13/01/2019 12:10

We've had no contact since he went yesterday and I'm fighting the urge to contact him.. how can someone say they love you but walk away at the first hurdle? I just can't get my head around it x

OP posts:

AgentJohnson · 13/01/2019 12:11

15 months and he had already moved in!

AgentJohnson · 13/01/2019 12:13

The first hurdle! It’s better that he left now than stay and damage your son

I get that you’re upset but you have some funny ideas about love. He might have loved you but that doesn’t stop you being incompatible.

Kelpiex2 · 13/01/2019 12:17

It's not really a hurdle though. It's a dealbreaker.

Nobody's fault.

Chalk it up to experience and move on

Singlenotsingle · 13/01/2019 12:18

Your poor little boy. He already has to live in a "military style house" when he's with his dad, and then was expected to behave himself when he was at yours! Thank God bf has gone. It was the right decision for everybody!

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