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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner just left me

114 replies

Amberhoney78 · 12/01/2019 13:07

Hi, my partner of 15 months has moved out saying he can't handle my 4 year old son anymore .. please help I'm broken xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 22/01/2019 20:02

He phoned and we talked a lot, he said he loves me to bits , I asked him what do you want to do and he said I don't know x

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 22/01/2019 20:55

I think we know that you weren't the reason he left OP, you weren't the reasons he gave anyway. His reasons were your baby boy. Hmm

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 22/01/2019 21:02

I'm just confused as to what he wants.. he said he can't go back to the way it was and I said neither can I, he was upset that I was treading on egg shells and felt I couldn't talk to him.we talked a lot about my little one, I am extremely soft with him than the others, I don't know if it's because I only have him half the week.. I asked if he would go to a parenting class etc and he said yes..
he was texting general chit chat this morning so I'm just confused.. I'm sick of crying!

OP posts:
waterrat · 22/01/2019 21:08

Op it's natural and healthy that you are particularly close and soft with your little one. He doesn't get to see you for days on end. He needs the love and reassurance.

Please don't put this man before your kids.

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 22/01/2019 21:18

I know that.. from 18 months my little one has been having assessments at child development center, the last assessment came back as inconclusive and said there wasn't enough evidence at the moment.. me my friends and family know that he is 'different' and can be hard work , I've tried to put it all to the back of my mind but all this has brought it to the front again x

OP posts:
Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 25/01/2019 20:59
Smile
OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 16/02/2019 16:54

Hi OP, how are things now? Hope you’re ok Flowers

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 19/07/2019 23:09

Hi, things have gone from bad to worse!

OP posts:
notsodimwit · 20/07/2019 04:18

Thinking of you opFlowers

Northernsoullover · 20/07/2019 04:32

Oh dear. I'm assuming he's been flip flapping about your relationship? X

beenwhereyouare · 20/07/2019 05:18

In what way?

Thingsdogetbetter · 20/07/2019 09:21

It's all about him isn't it? I want quiet weekends. I miss you, although I choose this situation. I haven't eaten. I've been sick. I don't know what I want. I don't want this. I'm moving out. I need space. I'm heartbroken. Me me me me!

He moved into a family of 5's home. And made everything about him. He's more important than you, your son and your other children. How dare you not completely change your life to suit him. How dare your family not see that he's the now the most important person whose needs and wants trump the rest of you! And now he's broken everyone's hearts how dare you not save all your sympathy for him. I mean he's not eating after what HE did, the poor lamb. How dare you be concerned that your children are confused and feeling abandoned. You should be all bending over backwards to ensure everything changes so he comes back. Or at the very least allowing him to come round for dinner and sex when the dc aren't there. With no actual commitment of course. Cos he's the king! Ffs

Surprise the self absorbed entitled twat by saying 'you left so fuck off with your self pitying messages. I'm blocking you so my family can heal.'

hadthesnip2 · 20/07/2019 10:04

Going against the grain here but couldn't you have still "dated" him once he moved out. It obviously wasn't working him living with you but did the relationship have to finish..? Sorry if I missed something but it seemed from what you posted that you 2 still loved each other, so couldn't you go on seeing each other...?

SandyY2K · 20/07/2019 12:13

I'm sorry things have gotten worse, but I really don't see him as the devil ppl are making him out to be.

He gets on so well with your other 3 DC. They say he's better than their own dad... You've been concerned about your DSs behaviour since 18 months old yourself.

When ppl say a normal 4 year old, it really depends on what their experience with 4 year olds is.

I have children, yet I found the behaviour of some friends children difficult to deal with when they visited. I saw my DC as normal, so a child acting very differently to them, wasn't necessarily normal.

One of my friends DC put his hands round my DDs neck in a strangling manner at 2.5 yrs old. He was later diagnosed with ADHD, but I found it quite scary. Not normal for me.

I can imagine a man (not the father) walking out and not coping if he was living with my friend and her DS. That doesn't make him a bad person.

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2019 13:52

No, but it means he's not a suitable person to be living in their home.
Nor is he being fair messing about with the Op's head.

OP - block him. It's not your problem that he doesn't know what he wants or what to do.

Your 'problem' is your children keeping them safe and secure. He can't do that.

SparklyMagpie · 20/07/2019 16:25

I hope you're ok OP!

I have to agree with what @SandyY2K has said

Aslong as you and your children are all ok

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 21/07/2019 11:20

Where do I start!! We got back together 2 week after he left.. he said things would be different.. we all tried really hard and it seemed better.. end of February I lost my dad who was my world.. 5 weeks later I had 2 strokes that took all the use of my right arm and leg.. on top of that they found things on my mri scan that point to multiple sclerosis! I've had lumbar puncture and loads of tests and have tested positive. When I was in hospital for 2 weeks he was amazing and didn't leave my side.. apart from a text saying if I didn't get rid of some stuff out of the house then he's gone.. I came home in a wheelchair and have had intense physio and have learnt to walk again.. as I still can't drive at the moment he and my friends have all rallied round in helping me get the kids to and from school.. he has changed again lately.. he says he's sick of running everyone around , feels like he has no life , says everything revolves around stroke and he's sick of hearing about it.. I get no support from him at all.. when I try and talk to him he gets annoyed and says I'm grilling him.. I'm back to treading on eggshells again so I don't upset him and make him in a mood.. I haven't grieved for my dad yet as the strokes took over and now the ms.. I really don't know what to do.. I'm sick of being upset xx

OP posts:
MummyOfTwo92 · 21/07/2019 11:39

@Amberhoney78 get rid off him. You need people around you that will support and love you. It's clearly all about him, he isn't taking you into consideration any more. Sorry for your loss OP and sorry about what's happened. Take care of your self and put you and your children first xx

Wildorchidz · 21/07/2019 11:43

Put yourself and your children first.
Dump this complete waste of space.

sausage1968 · 21/07/2019 11:47

wow amberhoney ...so much to deal withbun such a short time...great big hug from me to you x x

sausage1968 · 21/07/2019 11:48

with in

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 21/07/2019 12:03

I'm not dealing with it that's the problem.. I was told stress had contributed to my strokes, from him leaving me in January then loosing my dad in February.. my head just can't cope with this x

OP posts:
womaninthedark · 21/07/2019 12:07

I don't know anything to say that will help. Thinking of you. I will pray, because I believe.

Do you get any counselling? Sounds like having someone to talk to would make a difference.

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 21/07/2019 12:15

I'm still under the stroke psychologist, she comes out every week and I have an amazing best friend x

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 21/07/2019 12:18

Not wanting to be around the child does make him a bad guy. Jesus. The relationship was clearly not going to work out though. Sorry, op.