Should I forgive him or not?

[reesesnlove]

My partner cheated a week ago with an escort. We've been together for 6 years and have 3 kids together. He said it's the biggest mistake of his life and he was steaming drunk when he did it. He had no intention to it and it wasn't planned. He took a whole week to tell me. When he told me I told him to get out and take his things with him. He didn't want to leave because the kids would have realised and asked after him. He has promised things will change and he has made 110% more effort than normal but I have a feeling it won't last. His friends are also cheats as well and he's constantly getting drunk with them on the weekends but he's promised that will change too. I don't know what to believe or what to think. What would you do please? I need to look at my situation from another persons point of view.

I forgot to actually say in the post that he slept with this escort.

If it wasn't planned how did it happen? These things don't happen accidentally, nor will she have approached him.

He claims that she did approach him and said 'I offer sex for X amount'. He said he didn't go out that night planning to sleep with someone else but when he got so drunk it happened.

Nope out he goes, he won't change. Was there a reason he told you?

Fucking grim. Steaming drunk? He had enough gumption to book, get cash and shag a sex worker. If he was as twated as he is saying, he'd probably struggle to get an errect penis not manage to coordinate all of the above.

He said guilt was eating him alive and that's why he told me. He said doing what he did made him realise I am the only one for him. He was acting VERY funny all week, being distant and a bit rude at times too. I KNEW something was up and I kept asking him to be honest with me. He then got drunk and went out again and told me when he got back.

Your initial response was the right one. Getting drunk is no excuse. Tell him to leave. I bet this isn't the first time. Book in for a sexual health screening yourself. A man who blames his friends and the alcohol for his behaviour is not someone you need in your life. You can co-parent but you don't have to stay in a relationship with him. You deserve better than this, you know that.

Yeah he did say he could barely get a hard on and he didn't cum. So he obviously wasn't that drunk because he can quite clearly remember what happened. He said this escort had a flat and he went back to her flat? I swear escorts don't allow you into their homes?

If she approached him she's not an escort - escorts are booked in advance. She's either a street prostitute or trawling hotel bars for trade.

Get him gone. This wasn't the first time, nor will it be the last. You may want to get checked for STI's.

If it's not the first time then he'd have no reason to be behaving strangely and then come clean, so I'd be inclined to believe his story.

But that doesn't detract from how grim the whole thing is. I'm not sure I could get past it, or to trust him again. The gang of friends that all get drunk together and cheat sounds awful too. I wouldn't want to be with someone who enjoyed hanging out with people like that, but presumably you were OK with that when you got together?

Sorry op, you must be feeling horrible. I'd start with an STD screen and some time apart to figure out where you want to go with this

Eww that’s rank of him. Is it worth breaking up over...only you can answer that one. My only advise is take as long as it takes for you to decide if you can trust him again don’t be rushed by him or mn to make a decision.

You have 3 children and he’s “constantly getting drunk” on the weekends with his friends, he has gone behind your back and used your families money to pay for the privilege! He would be gone!

Well I murdered someone but it was ok as it wasn't planned.

"It wasn't planned" is not an excuse - it's just pathetic. It sounds like he totally disrespects you and is a chronic "lad".

How can you stand it?

Well.

For one thing, you don't have to decide whether you can forgive him right now or what you want to do about it. Don't rush it, don't make any promises. Give yourself time and breathing space. Get him to stay elsewhere.

Tbh I think once the trust is broken like this you don't get it back, and him paying for sex is not something I would accept in my life. But you've got to be ready to make the leap.

To be honest I am completely and utterly shocked this has even happened. He's my childhood sweetheart and we've been through so much emotionally I really thought he wouldn't do it to me regardless of how much he'd had to drink. It really is a pathetic excuse. It's taken 4 days for it to even sink in and I won't rush my decision because what I say and do right now really does matter. Thank you for all your advice, I really do appreciate it.

If she approached him she's not an escort - escorts are booked in advance. She's either a street prostitute or trawling hotel bars for trade.

^ yup. He's lying to you OP, unless he booked this she was not an escort and if he didn't book and she approached him then she was obviously throwing here if at everyone because she is desperate for money for whatever reason (usually addiction) so if you've had sex with him then you should go get checked asap. If he had sex with you after that evermore reason to chuck him out.

Oh god, absolutely not.

Would you ever be able to have sex with him again knowing he paid another woman for the use of her body?

Grim. I’m so sorry OP.

Lots of lying here. I'd get rid and quickly. I'd also get an STI check if you've slept with him since.

He will do it again, egged on by your forgiveness and shitty mates.

He sounds like little boy wanting forgiveness and that's up to you. It must be dreadful for you. Like most people I have done stupid things when drunk but this sounds massive. Personally when very very very drunk people do have blackouts, act irrationally etc and I wouldn't overestimate the power of that. I don't think it means he will do it again though. Usually shamesless drunk behaviour has no memory so I wonder how drunk he was. That is the question I'd be asking.

Yes she wasn't a prostitute, he had a one night stand with a woman. He is saying she was a prositute as in his head it makes it sound better than it was someone he fancied.

I suspect he also thinks there is a chance you'll find out. Hence the confession. Someone is telling him to tell you, or someone saw him with her.

If you're childhood sweethearts but have only been together for 6 years are you both still pretty young?

He is a liar

In his head, a prostitute is not a real woman so it doesn't really count

He's a very degenerate person whose lies actually make him sound worse than if he afforded you enough respect to tell you the truth

I'm with @Havana7

Get yourself tested asap.

I’m not convinced he would make up a story about a prostitute. That seems an extra ordinary thing to say. I know a ONS is horrible too but it’s surely better to admit that than a sex worker? I’m also not sure why he would admit anything at all? Do you believe that he was wracked by guilt and is genuine about changing? It’s obviously your choice but I would not be making any rash decisions. Clearly you might feel like having the big dramatic argument but with three children I would think first about the logistics of managing as a single parent before going down that route... nothing is fixed in stone

Are you going to be able to trust him again?

I also am not sure I'd believe the prostitute story. Where did she approach him, offering sex at X amount? More likely be picked up a one night stand / quickie type thing?

If it was a prostitute has he paid her from the money supposed to be for the family? It's all a bit weird and a bit horrible. I would feel very uncomfortable being with a man who had done this.