I am so sorry.
Please - see a sex health clinic and get checked
Next, remember me on this board - and re read what I have to say...
I have been where you seem to be
First - it is SHOCK - yes - you are spot on....Shock that you are attached to a man who could actually exchange money for sex - or more - money for control...drunk or not- just no real excuse....I do know though that at 'guys clubs' and some bars, there are women who do approach men and do take them 'home' usually a rented flat for the purpose of somewhere to take clients...
My XH did all this 10 years ago- dynamics a bit like yours - hedonistic work environment - similar 'friends' all into the lifestyle that includes 'Men only Bars' Clubs open till 5am and quite a few Class A's, mixed with a lot of booze usually on expenses or adequate income to pay.
Slightly different to you, my XH was a regular user of sex workers.But as I later found out, he had had to start somewhere. I found out after he had left his job for a garden leave break - i.e.; enforced absence whilst he waited to start a new one.
His regular 'date' a sex worker 10 years younger than him and of course an expert in her trade, started to miss him - or more correctly - miss his money and guaranteed weekly payment ( talking £150 for one hour and £500 if staying the night ) Weekly hotel all booked - same room every time.
Weekly, he would sit me down on a Sunday night and we would do our diaries for the week....he would tell me he would be in town for one night - and as he did have a long commute, it washed - AND - I trusted him- and I didn't mind as I then had a quiet evening, choice of meal and choice of TV.....kids happy, me happy, all good.....He always told me he would switch his phone off as didn't want to be disturbed as he wanted guaranteed sleep to be up at 4am ( yes he did use to have to ) and IF there were any probs to call the hotel and ask to be put through.
This went on for 2 years??
Apart from his obvious sore head the day after when he did come home, there was no obvious clue - aside one time I noticed the smell of scent on him and he fobbed me off saying a colleague had given him a hug when out for her birthday lunch...I never gave it a second thought.
One day- whilst he was on garden leave- I saw a text - under a mans name who I didn't know - flash up on his phone ( no digging around, it was there in front of me) ' Hey Baby, I miss u' ...
After a week of lies lies and lies- can't be bothered really to list them as its all so sad - he came out with it!
"She ( the mans name on text) is a Prostitute'
Me;Shock, misery, utter disbelief and horrible hurt.I truly beat myself up feeling I must be so awful he preferred to pay. I felt old, ugly and unwanted. A hurt all of its own.
Him; 'I didn't want to hurt you' and 'I'm so glad you know now because its become a habit and I want to stop'
Marriage guidance followed, relationship counselling, lots of 'hysterical bonding' ( after the STI checks- him and me were clear) and a lot of talking that now I look back - meant nothing. His love and fidelity was professed, he was attentive, loving and very very penitent...I was almost reassured but never relaxed for a minute.
1 year later - I catch him yet again- this time a friend of the original girl - who has returned to her home country, I later get told....same thing, text under a different Man's name- a missed call and a second text saying ' Hi Baby -7.30 Wednesday - Hotel- will stay 3 hours X'
That very day - 1 year and 1 day after the first shock- the locks are changed and Im at a lawyer.
PLEASE consider - This will NOT be the first time he has done this - AND I assure you it is highly unlikely to be the last.
I will always regret that 12 months I wasted.
Should have got rid immediately
It has hurt me and scarred me and it is still something i think about a lot.
I know all the dynamics of this sort of behaviour and I am clear that once a cheater - and this is a specific type of cheat - they will always revert.
I may be wrong, your H may be a different case altogether, but once they have crossed the line doing this - it will always be there, and there will always be a piece of them that craves what they 'need' - If they didn't 'need' it - they would never have done it a first time. And that need is base, and largely unexplainable...often a need for control and frankly ZERO respect for women.
I would say to you, stop it now. This is not a man you need....being Drunk/pissed whatever and being with like minded friends is not the reason he followed through.
He did it because he wanted to
So sorry