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Original poster

Is he going to have an affair with a younger woman?

116 replies

forbackwards · 08/01/2019 22:46

Long-time reader, but had to start an account today to get help.

Is my boyfriend going to cheat on me? We met a year ago after my divorce and things have been amazing (he's great with my two kids) and then this younger couple moves into town. The wife is flirty and literally younger than his own son (by a year!) He calls her ‘kid’ and everything and I’m sure he sees her that way, but other signs point to something else. They text a lot and sign off ‘xx’ – he only started doing this after he met her. He also asks her to do favours for him that I could easily do, like creating an email account. She stares at him with stars in her eyes and twirls her hair when he’s talking and he loves the attention – but I’m worried he’s going to take it further. Then when they hug it’s this ridiculously long hug goodbye…wtf?? It also hurt when he told her husband the other night that he’s lucky because he’s married to the most beautiful woman in the world 🙁 🙁 never heard him say that about anyone but me. The two of them poke fun at each all night when we’re out with friends and it’s like nobody else is there! I don’t know if they just get along really well or I need to be worried about something? My instinct tells me it’s because he likes to feel young (he always hangs out with people much younger than him). Does he see her as a daughter type? PLEASE HELP I need 100% honesty – I am so lost!!

OP posts:
MixedMaritalArts · 14/01/2019 22:41
Flowers
SandyY2K · 14/01/2019 22:52

So have you ended it? Or are you planning to?

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 14/01/2019 23:05

He's an embarrassment and making such an idiot of himself. I'm cringing for him!

I think the 'Most beautiful woman... ' comment would have been my bottom line, though.

MumsyJ · 14/01/2019 23:23

Cringe worthy springs to mind. I thought this younger lady had a boyfriend. This is a step too far!

Smotheroffive · 14/01/2019 23:25

Yes, cringeworthy; Adam from Cold Feet springs to mind !! Eeeuuuwww!

notapizzaeater · 14/01/2019 23:26

Wow, he's no respect for you. His heads been turned by her.

Honeyroar · 15/01/2019 00:48

I’d be at the end of my tether with him. Aren’t you?

Original poster
forbackwards · 15/01/2019 01:03

honestly I want to confront her to find out 100% what's going on before making a rash decision. He doesn't hide his phone and he answers all my questions. Also he still spends most of his time with me and isn't distant or distracted when we're alone together. He still does romantic things for me, organises dates, buys presents for the kids etc.

I don't know how to confront this woman in the right way. I have her on Facebook and was thinking about sending her a message to ask if there's anything going on.

Yes she's married, her H is friends with my OH too. I don't know if he suspects anything although I'd say he probably does. The last time we were all together my OH and her shook hands at the end of the night. This is after weeks of cuddling each other for ages to say goodbye, so it was incredibly weird and awkward!! Seems she was trying to be on her best behaviour too...

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 15/01/2019 01:13

Really OP...why would you confront her, really! Your OH is the problem. If he's not then you have nothingto worry about, but she's doing this, and he's doing it to her. This isnt your battle.

You have to trust him, or leave him, ifhe has a problem with it he's a grown up and doesn't need someone else fighting his battles for him. Keep your dignity for goodness sake.

MsDogLady · 15/01/2019 01:15

So he got stroppy with you for daring to ask about his fun private adventure with his fun affair partner where they took lots of fun selfies.

Surely you have ended things with this fool.

HappyGoLuckyGo · 15/01/2019 01:23

I don’t think confrontation will help, OP, what’s to say she’ll tell the truth anyway? Plus your issue is with him, not her. Unfortunately I think it’s clear where his priorities are- like you said, pretending he’s young and single. If it wasn’t her, it’d be some other young woman. Sounds like it’s the end of the road for you as a couple...

MixedMaritalArts · 15/01/2019 01:38

I am afraid I wouldn’t be happy at the “ Most beautiful woman in the world “ crack and would have dropped him immediately. I don’t need that sort of negativity in my life. I would cast aspersions on his reason to remain with his ‘at least second most beautiful’ choice and wonder if I was there as their cover for her Husband’s benefit to legitimise my BF being in a relationship : ergo not available to pursue her. That was a fun Disney Day Date - and you were excluded. No Bueno OP. IMO.

Orillia93 · 15/01/2019 01:41

It sounds to me like you aren't actually wanting to throw it away. Tbh so soon into a relationship needing to police him is a really bad sign, but since I don't think you're ready to give up yet, I would tell him you are very unhappy with their friendship and he needs to choose, you or their friendship. I'd also have a serious conversation with her and tell her she's clearly interested and to back off. You need to cut all contact with this couple op, or finish with him. Either way, not good.

Smotheroffive · 15/01/2019 01:57

If he can't bloody control himself which he cant sack him! If you dont want to, you got to wonder at what you are doing really after everything you've said about his behaviour. He's showing you exactly who he can be, at least you've seen it now, even if you don't want to!

MsDogLady · 15/01/2019 02:20

Forbackwards, I just noticed your update. They are having an emotional or physical affair and she is not going to admit it to you of all people.

If they are now shaking hands Hmm after all of the previous long hugs and thigh touching, then they obviously know that you and/or her husband are on to them, so they are dialing it back in public. Did you ever read him the riot act for his totally inappropriate behavior with her?

The fact that they went off alone together on a day long excursion speaks volumes. In my opinion, things are escalating between them.

FlyingMonkeys · 15/01/2019 03:13

It sounds creepy as fuck and as the saying goes 'there's no fool like an old fool'. I'd point out it's odd that she's young enough to be his daughter and leave if he doesn't belt up. I doubt her DH is impressed either tbh.

Floralhousecoat · 15/01/2019 07:42

I would be telling the dh of this woman of my suspicions. He deserves to know.
I don't understand why you're still with this man. He has no respect for you whatsoever. Dump him op. Respect yourself

user14869556378 · 15/01/2019 13:04

F**k him for continuing this when you've expressed concern with valid reasons.

I see no point in asking her. She's going to be loyal to your DH if she cares about him and also probably not want to stuff up her marriage.

For some reason I don't think anything physical has happened from what you've said other than being touchy feely but they certainly like each other and even if they didn't, the whole thing is pretty inappropriate and disrespectful to both you and her husband. She's probably loving the attention yet knows nothing ever will happen because he's got you.

Once again, f**k him.

WH1SPERS · 15/01/2019 13:10

She’s not your problem, he is . You are so focussed on her you can’t see how he’s acting.

You have already told him how you feel. Either he’s willing to to change and you might have a future.

Or he’s not and you don’t. ( I’m assuming you don’t want to live like this).

inlectorecumbit · 15/01/2019 13:19

He wanted a day off and chose to spend it with her instead of you.

Do yourself the biggest favour and get rid.

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 15/01/2019 13:25

He spent his day off with her. I bet if she was single, he would be gone already.

You deserve so much more than this Flowers

octoberfarm · 15/01/2019 14:25

If it were me, I'd lay it out pretty calmly and clearly. Explain again, very simply, how hurt you were that he described her as the most beautiful women in the world (at all, but especially) in front of you. Say that you know you've broached this with him before but that his efforts to change how he behaves with her never seem to last, and say that you can't carry on with a relationship when they're so flirtatious that even other people are assuming they're together. Then say he either fixes how he's behaving/interacting with her for good (I agree with PPs that he's your problem - not her) or that you can no longer see a future together. I wonder if it was laid out so starkly for him, whether he might realize how serious you are about this. You shouldn't have to feel like you're competing to win him - he's meant to be in love with just you. It sounds like he has a crush and is enjoying the flattery and attention, but frankly it's not appropriate when he's already in a relationship and you deserve so much better Thanks

Mummacake · 15/01/2019 14:35

I bet her husband doesn't know they went dirt bike riding....... I don't think I could help myself, there would be a crack along the lines of OMG you're crushing on a child younger than your daughter - stop embarrassing yourself. Silly old goat.
He is being disrespectful to you so I'd have to walk away from it. It's just a huge embarrassment- especially as it appears to be so obvious to everyone else too.

GraceMarks · 15/01/2019 14:45

OP, you are putting everything onto the other woman (because that is what she is) and making out that if only she would back off, everything would be great. But do you really think that she is the only woman in the world who could have turned his head? You might only have noticed because she has proved to be receptive to your DP's attentions.

Your DP is not only having an emotional affair, and very possibly a physical one too, he is basically rubbing your nose in it despite knowing that it bothers you. Why are you so determined to let him off the hook and lay all the blame at this woman's door?

NowYouHaveDoneIt · 15/01/2019 14:59

He's flattered by her attention. But whats she getting out if it? Is her husband not paying her enough attention and is enjoying yr bf drooling over her? Someone who is old enough to be her dad? Maybe you could drop into a conversation with her that its nice she has yr bf as a father figure as he sees her as a daughter? ....thats what Id be tempted to do. What you do after depends how this affects what happens next. It might suddenly stop. Either way he may be easily swayed again by someone in the future. A friend of mine always says men will cheat if they are given the opportunity. Not sure that I think the same but there seems to be a lot of cheating on mnSad

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