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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he going to have an affair with a younger woman?

116 replies

forbackwards · 08/01/2019 22:46

Long-time reader, but had to start an account today to get help.

Is my boyfriend going to cheat on me? We met a year ago after my divorce and things have been amazing (he's great with my two kids) and then this younger couple moves into town. The wife is flirty and literally younger than his own son (by a year!) He calls her ‘kid’ and everything and I’m sure he sees her that way, but other signs point to something else. They text a lot and sign off ‘xx’ – he only started doing this after he met her. He also asks her to do favours for him that I could easily do, like creating an email account. She stares at him with stars in her eyes and twirls her hair when he’s talking and he loves the attention – but I’m worried he’s going to take it further. Then when they hug it’s this ridiculously long hug goodbye…wtf?? It also hurt when he told her husband the other night that he’s lucky because he’s married to the most beautiful woman in the world 🙁 🙁 never heard him say that about anyone but me. The two of them poke fun at each all night when we’re out with friends and it’s like nobody else is there! I don’t know if they just get along really well or I need to be worried about something? My instinct tells me it’s because he likes to feel young (he always hangs out with people much younger than him). Does he see her as a daughter type? PLEASE HELP I need 100% honesty – I am so lost!!

OP posts:

Myheartbelongsto · 10/01/2019 14:10

She put his hand on his thigh.

Oh fuck no to that, she'd be gone and I'd have called her out right there and then in front of everyone!!

Tell him it stops before they cross a line.

HazelBite · 10/01/2019 16:53

Can't you tell her very loudly in front of everyone to "Just put him down and to stop embarassing herself with a man old enough to be her dad"?
Have you not told him what a fool he is making of himself?

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 10/01/2019 18:46

Smother I think my comment about it only being a twelve month relationship was perhaps in response to the vitriolic tone of some of the replies - which to me were perhaps more appropriate to a situation where someone has been married for ten years. After 12 months you are not as committed as someone who is engaged or married, or in a much longer term relationship, and its not his fault if he falls in love with someone else.

I totally agree with that if he has, its not acceptable for the relationship, which is why the OP might want to walk away - but just didn't like some of the vituperation of the boyfriend.

Smotheroffive · 10/01/2019 19:08

I see what you're saying, but I wouldnt think that anyone expects degrees of relationship in the context of faithfulness.

I wouldn't expect anyone to be less faithful, say, if a year into a relationship than 25 yrs married. Based on MN threads alone, it doesn't seem to work that way, they come at any time, and more about the cheating womaniser type that instigates them.

Why are so many men so dismissive of the pain they inflict in the cause of their pursuit of sex and infidelity!

Overseasmom100 · 10/01/2019 20:55

How old are you all

SandyY2K · 11/01/2019 01:35

Based on everything you've said I'd end it. What's the point of talking again when you have made it clear how you feel

He can't help looking at her
She play punches him in the tummy.

He's asking favours if her...so in this whole year he's not had an email account?

He's the KISA (knight in shining armour)

Hands on his thigh

Texting a lot
Long conversations

Telling her H she's the most beautiful woman

asking about his past relationships...why when he's with you

I don't care if it'll blow over...it's disrespectful to you. Why put up with it and continuously have to pull him inline.

Get rid

VietnameseCrispyFish · 11/01/2019 11:30

He told her husband she’s the most beautiful woman in the world? Woah.

He’s crossed the line. Big time. I’d be expecting him to go full no contact with this woman permanently if he wanted to remain in the marriage. No ifs, buts or excuses, no matter how difficult it might be in a small town. Any sign of hesitation and I’d be absolutely done.

Smotheroffive · 11/01/2019 13:16

Did you kick him out op?

MoonSafarix · 11/01/2019 18:11

I disagree that you're not committed after a year because it's only a year. That should be when you're in love and determined to make it work.

When relationships have ended at 7 years and 6 years, I've walked away feeling a bit lost but also relieved and ready for another phase of healing, excitement, whatever.

Conversely, twice I've had relationships end at 11 months and a year and both times I was UTTERLY devastated.

MoonSafarix · 11/01/2019 18:11

ps and the 7 year one WAS a marriage with two kids.

OohOohMrPeevly · 11/01/2019 18:29

I'd be absolutely livid. How would he feel if the boot was on the other foot? I'd have ditched him the minute this nonsense started.

ladymariner · 11/01/2019 18:51

Nope, absolutely not on at all. His behaviour is shit and so is hers. Get your self-respect together, and kick them both into touch, you deserve so much better x

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 11/01/2019 19:18

We are friends with a "younger version of us" type couple.

She's very flirty with my DH and I just roll my eyes, as does her DH, when they start. I just think she's flattering his ego ( as my DH was her DH's boss for a while) and he's lapping it up, BUT if either tried to take it further the bubble would burst. So there's unsaid limits and both seem to know where they are. it's harmless. I'm not worried.

Your man doesn't seem to know where the limit is, sounds like the bubble will burst in an embarrassing mess at some point.

Maybe you should have a private chat with this woman's husband and explain this has disaster written all over it and what should you both do to avoid a scene ?

Or just call him on it in public and tell him he's a dirty old man ! ( make sure you have a route home /taxi money etc first !)

allaboutHR · 11/01/2019 19:19

Trust your gut OP. You know what's going on.

ashtrayheart · 11/01/2019 19:25

What’s your relationship like with her, do you message or talk much or is it all just him and her?

Smotheroffive · 11/01/2019 19:32

He truly is a dirty old man, now you have seen his behaviour how does it make you feel?

I seriously think you deserve better than him.

He's shown you who he is, let Hi male a mess of his life and disentangle yourself before the shit hits the fan.

You can't stop him, this is what he wants, and what she wants, just step away, you have already made your feelings clear and he's ignoring you.

HisBetterHalf · 11/01/2019 19:52

How does her husband react?

Yinv · 11/01/2019 20:09

Since it’s only been a year I’d get rid of him over this.

Original poster

forbackwards · 14/01/2019 22:03

Thanks for the responses. Just thought I'd update here because today I'm so over it. I got back from a work trip a week ago and OH spent the week at mine (we don't live together) helping with things that needed to get done around the house like he said he would. Yesterday he said he "needed a day off" and today I found out the two of them went dirt bike riding together until late in the afternoon.

To answer your question he is 54 and she is 26.
He told me where he'd been albeit reluctantly when I asked and got annoyed when I asked more questions, said he's just hanging out with a friend.
I opened his camera phone later and found selfies of them together which really made him look like an old grinning fool.
Like I said, I'm exhausted and completely sick of it all. He wants to relive his young days and spend all his 'fun time' with her then he can. I'm done

OP posts:

Original poster

forbackwards · 14/01/2019 22:06

I don't have a relationship with her. She's nice enough but can't look me in the eye which speaks volumes. She pretends to take an interest in what I do and the kids but I can tell it's all a show, constantly looking around the room and not interested in the slightest.

OP posts:

Katgurl · 14/01/2019 22:15

Op I am not going to give you any advice as it is your relationship and therefore you know your own dealbreakers but I will say that it is all inappropriate, disrespectful and potentially humiliating (I say potentially as let's face it, he's only embarrassing himself.)

I don't think he deserves someone like you.

RagingWhoreBag · 14/01/2019 22:18

I'm sorry to hear that What an utter twat he sounds. A year is long enough to feel invested in your relationship together and it must be really hard to realise that he's not in it the same way.

You'd probably end up spending the rest of your life watching over your shoulder - if it wasn't her, it would be someone else, as he's obviously a fool who is busy watering someone else's garden and wondering why the grass looks greener.

for you.

RLABC · 14/01/2019 22:19

You deserve much better OP

Oly4 · 14/01/2019 22:24

No, this is not acceptable. He is treating you like a fool.
He wants to sleep with her, they are more than just friends.
Stop taking his calls and stop seeing him, you deserve better than this.
What a silly old man he is

magoria · 14/01/2019 22:29

You deserve better than being treated like this.

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