How would you tell your partner that their clothes don’t cover their body?

[Holidayshopping]

My DH is v overweight. That in itself is one issue, he talks about losing weight, won’t go to SW and has v poor eating habits-eats too fast, eats toast and cereal late at night, boredom eats, says he’s not good at being hungry etc. I want him to lose weight (family history of heart attacks at a young age) but he hasn’t yet done much about it. He is nearly 50 and has been overweight for years.

What others me massively-other than the obviously horrible thought of his dying is the way he looks. I hate myself for being superficial, but I am actually embarrassed by him.

He has a very large stomach. His jeans do up under his stomach (buys a 42 waist but they are straining) but there’s nothing to properly hold them up (his belt doesn’t do much) and whenever he bends over or lifts his arms-we all get a massive glimpse of the overhang of his stomach or a massive arse crack. I find it physically a total turn off and I’m married to him-Christ knows what total strangers think. I’m not talking a little bit, I’ll try to attach a photo of what I mean. This isn’t him, and he’s not as big as this, but think along those lines.

I have bought him longer tops and jumpers but they either aren’t long enough or he doesn’t wear them because they’re too big and he feels silly. When he talks to me, my eyes are drawn to his massive stomach hanging out visibly under his jeans and he moans-‘what’s wrong, what are you looking at?’ I don’t know if he knows what the rest of us see or if he doesn’t care. I don’t know what to say any more. When I suggest he needs longer tops, he says he doesn’t, just needs to lose weight-but then doesn’t lose weight. He’s been saying it for years.

It annoys me that I have had several babies and although not perfect, weigh about the same as I did when we met. I make an effort with my appearance and try to look nice and stay in shape, yet he thinks it’s acceptable to look like this-it’s like he has no self respect. I know he is miserable (perhaps depressed) about being overweight, so need to tread carefully and I’m aware that if I were a man posting about his overweight wife, I would probably get a different response. People might say that I married him, I should just put up with it.

I can’t though.

How can I address this tactfully, without a response of ‘I can’t believe that’s what you think I look like’ etc

Seriously cornuacop? You are suggesting that the OP to fat shame her husband.

How would you feel if your other half deliberately posted an unflattering photo of you to draw attention to a part of your appearance that you weren’t confident about?
What a mean thing to do!

Is he aware that his arse crack is on show? And that his belly hangs out of his clothes? I'm at a loss as to why he would be ok with that? It's gross.

As for the actual weight problem - there are lots of reasons why people become so over weight. It isn't easy to lose a lot of weight and keep it off. Then again, past the first flush of love, I can imagine it would put me off, and I'm neither a wanker nor shallow. Looks are a factor in our attraction to others shrugs

How does he fee about his brother dying? Is he grieving? You mentioned he might be depressed, is that since his brother died?
When I was grieving I didn't care what anyone thought, I was full of anger and rage for losing my relative so young. I went the other way and lost weight but I can easily see how you might comfort eat, and depression is sometimes anger turned in on itself.

Is he staying up late so he can eat without being seen? Does he hide the evidence?

Are people really telling the OP to leave the man she loves rather than say "DH, I really don't like the way your clothes show your belly and arse all the time. How about we buy some really nice new clothes for you"

If a woman was wearing crop tops that showed off her c-section overhang and skinny jeans that were half-way down her arse, should her husband leave her rather than say "dw would you think of buying some new clothes - not sure these are the most flattering".

What kind of marriages do people have that they couldn't say that?

Probably the most irrational LTB I've seen on MN.

Pallisers I hear the divorce word on here for the strangest reasons. Egging a poster on to dump their OH because of their perceived shortcomings. (rolls eyes)

Surely the main problem is that being so overweight is dangerous. High blood pressure, arthritis, high chloresterol, possibly leading to diabetes, maybe needing hip or knee replacements. OP you should get him to the GP for an mot. Then back to SW. We've got a SW consultant here who lost 11 stone and now runs his own group. It can be done.

Whycantidoit how heavy were you then ? His comments should have made you reflect on unhealthy habits perhaps.

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