Dh said he needs space after ending EA

[Noone123]

My dh has recently ended an EA with a colleague at work. He is going to go ahead and quit his job so he no longer sees her. They work side by side so it's completely shit.

He has now told me that he needs some space to get his head straight and figure out what the hell is wrong with him so is looking to move into an airbnb for a few weeks to work on caring for himself.

This is the first time his head has been turned so we are both in shock. Can anyone advise if moving out is a good idea? He is telling me that he wants to be with his family but doesn't want to fake things with me as regards his love for me. He said he needs to miss me and hopefully get back the love he once felt for me. I'm not confident that this is a good move for him as I feel we need to be together to talk things thru but maybe the space will do him good. I love him and would obviously not want him to move out but at the same time if he thinks this would do us good then I need to let him go for awhile. Would love to hear some feedback from anyone who has had a similar experience. Thanks.

Tell him you still love him and your marriage and commitment was about more than love, it was respect, honour and commitment to stay forever regardless of anything and that you want to honour that.

This reminds me of a line from an early Julian Barnes novel. He is doing a list of why he loves his wife and no. 5 is "because when I asked her would she love me no matter what I did, she couldn't stop laughing".

I would open the door and say ‘off you fuck’, let him know though that if he leaves then that is it, no return! Tell him that he doesn’t get to decide your future, only you can do that! He has clearly been shagging the twenty something from work (let’s face it, he wasn’t likely to be on a park bench on the many nights that he didn’t even bother to come home) thus why she is so angry with him.

He is clearly manipulative and a liar, so I wouldn’t believe a single word that came out of his mouth. He is a narcissist so likely believes his own lies, so I would get yourself checked for std’s OP .

Before he goes, get into the joint accounts and take what is yours and your children’s. He can find money elsewhere to fund his shagpad. Have a read of the different threads on here, particularly anything about ‘the script’. Unfortunately men like your husband seem to all have been taught at the same school for ‘narcissistic cheating asshole bastards’ and follow the script

Just wanted to say I know pp have suggested you move out for 'space' although this sounds fun or whatever. I would say if you have children, DONT move out!! This could be massively used against you in the future if you split. It looks like you're abandoning your children.

I don't like him not wanting you to talk about certain things, it makes it all the more suspicious. Sorry to say that.

Read your other thread and this has been going on for at least 3 months and he doesn't know if he wants to be with you. It seems like you are waiting around for him to decide.

Also him accusing you of being abusive takes the cake when he's a lying, cheating, drunk. I get the type. Everything they do is ok but you are not supposed to ever be upset about anything they do.

Ducks in a row and LTB
He's on his way out anyway.

He says he's ended it. But maybe they are staying in the air b&b together to see if they can make a go of their relationship. If it doesn't work out he can go back to you as you think he's there by himself.

Oh OP. I can appreciate that you love him and your head and heart must be in a million pieces, but he is not behaving like a man who wants to keep his family together.

This isn't your fault. He is an adult and responsible for his own actions.

If he leaves, he never comes back.
I'd be inclined to pack his bags for him and throw them to the kerb.

End of.

Be strong. Sadly men like this tend to be arseholes who don't like seeing their wives turn into strong capable women. They much prefer you to sit at home, being a sniveling wreck and pining for him.

He's done a pretty good number on you, hasn't he? Convinced you that you're abusing him if he's not allowed to act like a selfish dickhead, and now needs to move out to "miss you" following his affair.

Find some self respect and tell him to get fucked. He's a nasty piece of of work and you deserve so much better.

He’s a an arse
I would be telling him that you need some space to think about the relationship and whether you still want him
Let him look after the kids and home
He does the dirty and is still the victim. Fuck that

He’s checked out of the relationship. Don’t believe a word
I take back what I said . Kick him out and tell him that you probably won’t take him back as you need time to think too

I think it will be awful for you if he moves out as you’ll be waiting for him to decide. Sadly i dont think it was a few kisses with the OW if she thinks him a coward for not moving out... she wouldnt think about a future with someone after just a few kisses...
moving into the spare room is better as he cant just leave his family when he feels like it ... wishing you well

Cheater translation

a few kisses = only managed to get though the first 50 pages of the kama sutra

*So is looking to move into an airbnb for a few weeks to work on caring for himself
*
Sorry OP but that is the most ironic pile of twattishness I think I've ever read on Relationships.

Also sorry, as I know it's not what you want to hear but people don't ask people to leave their partners only after a bit of kissing.

I hope you're ok, I've been there and it's beyond awful. You're not alone in what's happened to you .

AirBandB my arse. He’ll be with her. Sorry.

He's a liar, a cheat and a lush?

Nope. I'm sorry as hard as it may be I'd be out if there.

@deadliftgirl..... you need to raise your bar darling...."together, forever, regardless"????? what a complete load of utter bullshit.

Do you have children together? If so I would be tempted to leave either go for the air bnb idea or stop with family. That way he gets his space but not without responsibility and it will make it very hard for him to continue with his affair with children to look after.

If you don't then let him go if that is what he wants but accept that he is likely going to continue with this affair while leaving you hanging on if the ow doesn't work out.

There are so many selfish people in this world it is unreal 😟

This is going to sound awful and really harsh, but here goes. You need some self respect, he is the one who has had the EA (although I would highly suspect its an actual affair). Him, not you, he now is trying to 'find his love for you' tell him to fuck off and do one. As hard as it is to let the marriage go, you need to. Think about yourself, any children you may have, your self worth and esteem.
The Beautiful South YouTube clip is something you need to watch.

Please don't leave the family home op. You may be seen as having abandoned the dc and you may find yourself fighting for access to them. Tell him to move into spare room and divide up childcare 50/50. On his days, do nothing for dc. He needs to realise this is what his life will be when he leaves you. He is not a single man and it's pointless him hankering after the lives of his single colleagues.
He doesn't get to swan off and abdicate responsibility towards his kids in any case.

He doesn't even know if he loves you. Let him go. The marriage is over. Strike while the iron is hot and get all paperwork in order in order to protect yourself and dc.

Oh op, he sounds a nightmare. Why are you fighting to have a nightmare in your life?

Look to a future or treading on eggshells and leave the gaslighting drunken fool for the colleague if she wants him so much, and was expecting him to leave you for her.

Sorry *of not treading on eggshells