Why do the only 'healthy' relationships exist on Mumsnet?

[MrsTumbletap]

The relationships I know, see and hear about in real life and the relationships I hear about on Mumsnet seem so different, why?

So for example growing up:
My DF cheated on my DM
Uncle 1 was controlling and left my lovely auntie and cousin and started a new family
Uncle 2 was physically abusive and we took my auntie in covered in bruises, they divorced.
Uncle 3 had two affairs and got the OW pregnant, they divorced.
My grandparents were quite miserable, separate rooms, no love present.
My DH's parents hate each other together for financial reasons

Then I look at my friends:
Friends 1, they don't communicate several affairs, very unhappy.
Friends 2, Abusive verbally, won't leave due to finances
Friends 3, Abusive verbally, won't leave due to children and finances
Friends 4, Controlling, jealous, led to affairs, miserable but pretend they are happy.
Friends 5, Physically and verbally abusive, thinks they are just 'passionate'.
Friend 6, husband is an alcoholic and not functioning, circle of abuse.

Then there are my colleagues, I could go on and on and on. I don't know of anyone truly happy, I don't know of anyone that isn't being cheated on or lied to, or being controlled or putting up with their OH, or isn't miserable, or is in denial of how their relationship is.

Then there is Mumsnet.........where there are so many women happy with their lovely DH, in equal relationships, their OH would never call them names, don't have a temper, they don't ever lie, would never cheat, they aren't controlling, they don't have addictions, they don't say hurtful things, they are lovely.

I don't understand the difference between reality and Mumsnet. It's like there are these amazing relationships on here with amazing men, women are so happy, but I don't see them in real life. How can this be?

Plagiarism is the highest form of accolade, @user.

How long have you been on Mumsnet??lol

@Amazonfromkent I'm sorry I couldn't resist ha. I understand it must be hard having such a hero to compare to, I actually don't have strong male characters to look up to from my grandparent's generation (one was a selfish liar who abandoned his son ha!) the women however were extraordinary, influence me to this day. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by very good men now though.

@user, good for you and I utterly mean it. I love to see people be happy.

My mum and dad split very very acrimoniously when I was little. And dad always criticised married people after that claiming no one was actually really happy being married. He gave me a very dim view. Much to my surprise I'm long term happily married. My dh has never called me names or been hurtful. Good marriages are real. They just don't get the airtime.

@Amazonfromkent I am, at the moment, not always- because who is? But men aren't the be all and end all of my happiness or unhappiness. Just part of my life, enriching it and sometimes a pain in the bum. As am I!

Actually if you went just by this forum you'd have to assume most relationships are miserable.

I would say the opposite. Mumsnet is full of bad relationship stories

I live for hearing the good stories. But reality is cruel. Infidelity, cruelty, contempt are rife. Women, to their own disadvantage, have proclaimed themselves to be fair game and are reaping the sad fruit.

There are many good marriages, but rarely (ever?) perfect marriages. This is the red herring of the thread.

Half of marriages end in divorce. It's a safe bet that most of these ended less than happily with either/both sides acting in ways they later regret.

People can be horrible. They can be fantastic too. C'est la vie.

I agree scott, which makes sense as people who are happy enough aren't likely to start a thread about why they love their DH and have a happy marriage but he's left a coffee mug in the study for 2 days and it's annoying you a bit.

But I imagine if you did create such a thread by the end of page 2 someone with a negative view of the world would have decided him forgetting to move his cup is a sign of misogyny because he clearly believes women should pick up after him. It's probably a statement to keep you in your place and you should get your ducks in a row and LTB for such controlling and manipulative behaviour.

(I exaggerate obviously )

Ha ha Maisypops you are probably right there.

Really? You think the relationships on Mumsnet are the positive ones?? I'd say the opposite to be honest - lots more lovey dovey seeming couples out in public etc than on here. The entire "relationships" section on this forum is filled at least 90% of threads on a daily basis regarding controlling partners, affairs, being dumped, getting divorced etc.

I have been super lucky I guess. Mum and dad together for 40 years. Nan’s and gramps’ all stayed together until they passes away.
DH mum and dad were together, but his dad passed away when he was a child.
All his aunts and uncles have had lovely long successful relationships though.
DH and I have been together since we were 16.
We do bicker now and again, but honestly don’t argue very often, maybe once or twice a year, followed by 12-24 hours of semi-ignoring one another, but usually this is over the dishes not being done, or DH driving 60 miles in the wrong direction because he wouldn’t listen...that type of thing.
I do consider myself lucky. DH is super laid back and doesn’t like going out. He is a proper family man and enjoys our company. We have one child (teen), who is pretty independent and a great kid, so we don’t argue over kids. Both of us have good jobs and work full time. We earn identical amounts so no resentment there. Lastly, we actually have identical jobs and the exact same holiday time each year, so are off work together frequently, at home at the same times of day and have weekends as a family.
I just think that we have been lucky to have positive relationship role models and we don’t have the strains and stresses that arise in other marriages due to money, time, kids etc.
That’s not to say we can be complacent though, who knows what is around the corner?

Through MN I've learned about bad relationships.

My parents, whilst perhaps not the most romantic of couple have been married almost 50 years, I never heard my dad raise his voice at my mum much less anything worse.

I've been to 40+ weddings over the years. One divorce. Everyone I know seems mainly happy in a real world way.

I know two couples, whose weddings I didn't attend, who are now divorced but in happy LTRs.