Do I tell him I'm looking to move out?

[Movingout1x]

NC'd for this.

I am currently living with 'D' P and his family as I was as kicked out of my family home. I'm 23 so still live with parents in the SE as house prices are so expensive.

I've been living with DP and his family for around 3 weeks. He can be lovely one day and the next day he can be a complete twat. He struggles with substance abuse and is generally not a nice person when he's been taking it, or the day after when he's hungover and feeling the effects.

He likes to have power over me, and me living at his is his way of having power. He says things like 'don't talk to me like that in my own house' if we have a disagreement, always makes it very clear its his house and just generally makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yesterday, he asked me a question and I answered honestly, he didn't like my answer so he started shouting and swearing at me and punched his chest of drawers...

All of the time I've been living at his I've been looking for a place of my own, I haven't mentioned this to him. He argued with me the other day and told me I should find somewhere else to go, so I told him I'd start looking.

I've found a place, 5 minutes away from my work, and somewhere I could afford on my own. The thing is, I'm scared to tell him. I've contacted the agent to ask if I can view the property, but I'm scared to tell 'D' P as I don't know how he will react. How would you approach this situation?

I hope you get it OP. Here's to a new start.

I hope so too!

Will keep everyone updated, thanks for all the advice and help, I think it's pushed me a bit to actually do something about it for once!

And the drinking and arguing starts again.....

Can you not stay with your Nan whilst looking at places? Seems like it would be a far more sensible thing to do than go through another weekend with him.

No need for a big, dramatic packing and I'm Leaving You declaration - there is nothing you own that can't be replaced and wouldn't be sold by him to pay for drugs if he had the chance - so whilst he's in the toilet/trying to call his dealer to score again, stuff a pair of knickers in your coat pocket, pick up your keys, walk out the door and you're free.

I'm going to go to my mums tonight. They're away on holiday and she said if anything goes wrong then to stay there.

I'll ring the estate agents and see if I can change the viewing to tomorrow.

I've got my overnight essentials and I'm just sat in my car at the moment.

How can people get like this over drink and drugs! It's like all of their responsibilities and morals go out the window. I can't help someone like that

Good idea, just go. Good luck.

Well done op 💐

I'm at my mums now.

Feels nice to be able to relax and not worry about arguments.

Im just worried about where this leaves me. My mum is back on Monday so I'll need to be gone by then.

I'm just so upset by this whole situation. It really is shit

You're doing great, OP.

I left my ex in 2017, after 30 years. I managed to get me, 2 DCs and all my stuff out in one day, after organising it all behind his back, as I was so scared. I recall shaking like a leaf around the time I knew he'd be home and reading my letter.

It's so different now. We've moved again since as I had taken the best house available in my budget at the time, and I waited for one in my budget to become available in the part of town I wanted to be in.

DCs are happier now, they're getting help for their anxiety and depression, and they decided no contact with their dad.

You managed to get out at a young age, didn't waste all the time like I did. So, here's some to a great future for you.

bitofanamechange - wow. That's very inspiring.

Was he expecting you to leave? Or was it a complete shock?

That's so strong of you. With children too.

I'm glad you and your DC's are happier now

How are you this morning OP, have a lovely relaxing weekend

I had my hair done this morning and I've just viewed the flat!

It's lovely, quite small but it's only me so it doesn't matter.

I'm with my sister now having some lunch and seeing my grandparents in 20 minutes, so a relaxing weekend so far for me x

Did you make an offer OP or ask about the landlords circumstances? Do mention you will be a reliable long term tenant.

I'm going to make an offer on Monday.

I am the first viewing since before Christmas so have a good chance of getting the place.

I've told them I've rented before (with ExP) and have a good credit rating so the referencing shouldn't be a problem

So you've had a nice day today, just remember every day can be like that without him in it

Movingout1x glad you had a good day, the flat sounds nice.

No, Ex didn't know I was planning to move out. DCs did, I gave them the option, but as he was abusive to all of us, they weren't staying behind without me.

He blamed depression for his behaviour, but I can now see his red flags all the way back to the start of our relationship. The DCs are mid-late teens, and the 3 of us are having fun now (and DS cooks a mean curry).

Yes it's been nice seeing family and treating myself to get my hair done!

Going to relax tonight and cook myself some dinner (I'll probably end up getting a takeaway to be honest haha)

Bitofanamechange - ah that's a lovely positive story! Glad you got rid of him! Haha a homemade curry sounds amazing! Especially if you don't have to cook it yourself!

Glad you got away, enjoy your weekend. I might be standing outside the letting agents door first thing on Monday morning if I were you, keeping everything crossed for you.

Good luck! Don’t tell him until all your stuff is packed away. And never see him again.

Have you heard from him, hope they accept your offer.

Just sending good luck for your offer tomorrow, hope you get the flat and everything goes smoothly

Good luck today, hope they accept quickly.

How did it Go?