I think I've been lied to for years

[KathyGlover]

I don't know what to say. I opened husbands phone tonight because mine was dead and I was feeding the baby to sleep and bored.

Opened reddit but not being a user I didn't know any topics to search so I clicked through his supscription list. We have a shared hobby and he often reads bits out from reddit (I'm not a reddit user as mentioned) so I clicked on his username to see if there was a recent thread type thing. It showed his last 2 posted messages (just 2 messages ever) and the screenshot was one of them.

I don't know what to do. He knows I've seen it. I don't want to dripfeed so feel I should explain dc3 was born 16 weeks prematurely and spent 9 months in hospital. Things have been hard. But if I'm honest. I knew he never wanted me. Never loved me. Not properly anyway. I feel like I've lied to for the last 6 years but I knew. I knew.

Im so... So confused.

He's upstairs trying to convince the 3 year old to sleep. He knows I know. First reaction was 'shouldn't have been looking thorough my phone' followed by wet, half arsed justifications of 'we'd had a row'. No. I've spent the last 6 years riddled with insecurity because I knew but he always told me I being ridiculous. I wasnt.

What do I do?

Oh my God you poor thing I don't know what to say. You deserve so much more than this bastard I hope you have someone who can be with you and talk with you as this is just awful.

You must be feeling floored from reading that, even if you had suspicions all along

I wouldn’t wait for him to make his mind up, you deserve to be loved and cherished by someone.

How on earth have you put up with this idiot for six years. He sounds like a whinging twat.
When you have sorted out the mess he has made of your lives, you will find genuine happiness.

You sound lovely btw!

OP, I’m sorry.
Whatever you do, ask for 50-50 custody. Don’t let him walk away from his responsabilities.
Hugs to you.

I don’t think OP’s husband is looking to “walk away from his responsibilities” or he’d have done it some time ago.

I understand the hurt from OP’s side, but this isn’t a lot different from those Mums who come on here and say they’re only staying in a marriage for their DC. Many of them have more than one DC but don’t love him. Don’t see quite so much vitriol aimed at them as at this guy.

Yes it’s a shock to you OP. Yes, it’s a shit thing to read, but most men would be concerned about what would happen to access on splitting. And really how far off the mark is he? People, women and men both, are able to justify some very shitty behaviour to themselves when they’re feeling hurt enough. Behaviour they’d have sworn blind to they could “never” be capable of in calmer times.

Please leave x

Ditch the dead weight op (you’re husband)

I’d join reddit and l
Post the screen shot and put this on there - ie youngest dc was 16 weeks prem and spent 9 months in hospital just phone this on husband phone and tag him in ..... then he can see what everyone really thinks of his situation

Bertielab, what's the point of doing that? He doesn't love the OP (or at least doesn't think he does). Unfortunately that's how he feels. What's the point of punishing him for how he Feels? She can't force him to love her.

I know it’s no consolation but at least you have the truth. It’s time to end this. Of course it’s not going to be easy but living with uncertainty all these years couldn’t have been easy either. Knowledge is power.

What do you want OP (him not being a weak and a pathetic liar isn’t an option)?

He posted the situation on reddit. You don’t accidentally get someone pregnant 3 times or get married against your will - these are all choices he made. I think he is a foul person.

I think the posters on Reddit would have some interesting straight talking responses.

Poor you OP. What a shocking message to find and he’s not even trying to convince you it was all a spur of the moment remark. Not surprised you feel you have been lied to. Time to have a frank discussion about your future and where the two of you are heading.

He's rewritten history there isn't he? Or he's an utter idiot who bumbles through life accidentally impregnating ladies and accidentally marrying them. Or possibly both.

He sounds very weak willed, how has he taken zero responsibility for this situation? Pathetic.
I’m so sorry OP, that must have been gutting to read.

What an arshole, asking a bunch of strangers online to find his balls for him.

OP he has shown his true colours and isn’t going to morph into a decent person.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but you need to get rid and stay strong.

Op, step back from the massive hurt caused by seeing this.

You say you knew the relationship wasn't right. He is also saying the relationship isn't right, that you both argue and it doesn't work.

Ultimately the both of you had no business bumbling along and bringing three unplanned children into this, when both of you knew. But what's done is done. Both of you are culpable for the situation you are in. Arguing about who is most to blame is not going to fix it.

So you need to talk to one another. No more lies. Be honest with one another. There is no point both of you being miserable, what's more important is being able to co parent well together.

Lovemusic, just recalled, when thinking over your last posts here, the man I was with this weekend is a smoker too. I never had a problem with it in the past; my ex husband smoked, but now, being 50 and having recently lost a 55 year old cousin to lung cancer, I'm not keen on the idea of embarking on a relationship with someone who might have health problems in the future.

I hope you're having a good day all of you!

How awful . You never truly know anyone.

I think that some men do rewrite history. I had an ex of 3 years telling me he never did love me. It made it very hard for me to trust what men say again.
It also does NOT mean there is fault with you or that youre unloveable etc. It just means he lied to you and pretended.

I'm SO sorry I've stupidly made the mistake of posting on the wrong thread. Forgive me.