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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Phone call

85 replies

newyearsresolutionsarecrap · 29/12/2018 22:16

Tonight my dh had a call. He said he would phone them back.
Told me it was 'our best man' and I was not to be in ear shot or make a noise.
Thing is we haven't heard from our best man since the summer apart from a text on Christmas Day due to mental health issues we either hear from him day after day or we don't for a long time as he is in a mental health unit and I wouldn't think he'd phone if in that frame of mind.
Normally our best man has never asked for me to be out of ear shot. When I heard my dh say I will call you when I am back at work I started deliberately coughing because I don't think the phone call was genuine and it was not our best man. When he said good bye he called me an arse. I said if it was our best man I should not feel to be quiet in our own home, because he knows I know about his issues. This doesn't sound good does it? I also notice he has been on his phone a lot and changing 'in bed' too. And now I don't know what to think anymore I thought we were happy.

OP posts:
bigchris · 29/12/2018 22:18
Sad

Trust your instincts, something is off

Dallasty · 29/12/2018 22:21

Can you get the phone and check the number out?

Weenurse · 29/12/2018 22:21

Trust your instincts.
Has he become possessive with his phone?
Has he changed his social media?
Has his normal routine altered in the last few month?
Does he disappear?

GigglesForEd · 29/12/2018 22:24

Can you get his phone bill? My carrier also lists received calls.

tinesltitties · 29/12/2018 22:25

So your husbands best man has mental health issues, severe enough to have him in a unit, and you don't think perhaps he just wants to be sure his privacy is intact.

Original poster
newyearsresolutionsarecrap · 29/12/2018 22:27

He has a passcode for the phone so unfortunately cannot check the call log. He did have several calls yesterday he claims was his mum and did not answer them twice.
I feel like something is off. He didn't disappear just told me to keep quiet which he has never done before when on phone to our best man. He has been on his phone a lot recently which I keep on telling him it's not healthy and get my head bitten off. I thought I would test him by coughing three times and if his reaction was arsey it wasn't our best man.

OP posts:
Original poster
newyearsresolutionsarecrap · 29/12/2018 22:28

@tinesltitties yes that's right. But why tell me to keep quiet that is my problem with it all.

OP posts:
tinesltitties · 29/12/2018 22:30

yes that's right. But why tell me to keep quiet that is my problem with it all.

Well of my DH had a friend with those issues and he asked me to stay quiet during a call I would assume it was to reassure the friend that it was ok to talk to him, confidentially.

NotTheFordType · 29/12/2018 22:30

If he was speaking to an OW he would have made an excuse to go out ("just popping to the shop for x") and called her back.

I cannot imagine anyone playing away, or planning to play away, asking their spouse to be quiet whilst on the phone to the outside interest. It just doesn't make sense.

I'm the most cynical bitch on this board when it comes to infidelity but this just doesn't sound right for an affair.

Kittykat93 · 29/12/2018 22:30

I don't understand - what was his reasoning for you having to keep quiet??

Either way I think it sounds dodgy, especially with the other stuff.

HollowTalk · 29/12/2018 22:33

He clearly wasn't speaking to his best man. He's becoming very bold, though, if he's taking calls from another woman.

Orange6904 · 29/12/2018 22:35

The other stuff does sound a little suspicious bit the keep quiet whilst he's on phone doesn't really. Why didn't he just go in another room anyway?

Original poster
newyearsresolutionsarecrap · 29/12/2018 22:35

@tinesltitties ah ok I see. I think what annoyed me is that it was so late when we haven't heard from him since from the summer. Yet have to pick up the pieces every time he is back in the unit. I have been worried about him for months and my dh hasn't shown any interest in contacting him which is why I find it odd now.

OP posts:
Original poster
newyearsresolutionsarecrap · 29/12/2018 22:38

Thanks re other ladies. Yes the asking me to be quiet is what has really pissed me off. Why is he trying to hide me or keep me out of the way. Why did he not answer the phone yesterday particularly if it was supposed to be his mum? I don't mind him saying sorry this is a work call I know it's Saturday but it's urgent but he claimed it was my best man who he has not bothered to contact even when we had no anniversary card which is not like him.

OP posts:
tinesltitties · 29/12/2018 22:38

I can't believe you find an out of the blue call from a mentally ill friend odd.

Honestly, mental illness is exactly why your DH will only hear from him sporadically. A good friend would absolutely ask for silence while he chatted under those circumstances.

RoseOfSharyn · 29/12/2018 22:39

If it was the BM, even with MH issues, surely he knows the OP and her H are married. if he wanted privacy the H could have said 'one moment I'll move to another room so we can speak quietly' explained this to OP and had a quiet conversation with him.

Sounds fishy to me. Sorry.

tinesltitties · 29/12/2018 22:40

rose yes he could. Or he could just ask her to be quiet, to make the friend feel comfortable the starts.

beansontoastfortea · 29/12/2018 22:42

That would be very brazen to take a call from the OW (if that's what you're thinking) while you're in earshot OP.

Sometimes when you think something is going on EVERYTHING becomes a sign. But you should definitely listen to your instincts

Is there any way you can check his call log or even ask him to show you?

RoseOfSharyn · 29/12/2018 22:45

But saying 'be quiet x it's on the phone' answering and moving to a quiet room is different to 'be quiet, "hi I'll call you when I'm at work" you're an arse for making a tiny noise '

Original poster
newyearsresolutionsarecrap · 29/12/2018 22:49

Thanks. I know I'm not stupid. He even got a really nice Christmas present from work despite not being into 'secret Santa'.
I'll have to keep an eye on things as he is off work until after new year. He is still being an arse with me, and ignoring me if I try to talk to him so I've come up to bed because I'm not well and I've had enough of being treated like this.

OP posts:
RoseOfSharyn · 29/12/2018 22:52

What I'm saying is, my OH sometimes has to take work calls that I can't hear. I always know it's his work and he answers and gestures to me and moves.
His daughter also wont talk to him when I'm in earshot, so he gestures that it's her and he moves to another room. I'm never made to 'shut up' . She knows I'm there, but he moves so I'm not forced out of the room while he is on the phone.

I find it off that he can't say 'I'm with OP, give me a second to go to the other room'

beansontoastfortea · 29/12/2018 22:53

What xmas present did he get? Do you think it's from someone else?

How long have you been feeling like something is going on? I'm wondering if the phone call started it?

beansontoastfortea · 29/12/2018 22:54

What Rose Said...

You shouldn't be made invisibility in this... a simple op is here would have helped you feel better

beansontoastfortea · 29/12/2018 22:56

Not sure how easy this would be given his situation but could you contact your best man to ask if he called? That would clear it up pretty quickly

tinesltitties · 29/12/2018 22:58

Not sure how easy this would be given his situation but could you contact your best man to ask if he called?

Noooo! OP please please do not do this. The man is in and out of a mental health unit. Just leave him be. Do not drag him into this.

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