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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Phone call

85 replies

newyearsresolutionsarecrap · 29/12/2018 22:16

Tonight my dh had a call. He said he would phone them back.
Told me it was 'our best man' and I was not to be in ear shot or make a noise.
Thing is we haven't heard from our best man since the summer apart from a text on Christmas Day due to mental health issues we either hear from him day after day or we don't for a long time as he is in a mental health unit and I wouldn't think he'd phone if in that frame of mind.
Normally our best man has never asked for me to be out of ear shot. When I heard my dh say I will call you when I am back at work I started deliberately coughing because I don't think the phone call was genuine and it was not our best man. When he said good bye he called me an arse. I said if it was our best man I should not feel to be quiet in our own home, because he knows I know about his issues. This doesn't sound good does it? I also notice he has been on his phone a lot and changing 'in bed' too. And now I don't know what to think anymore I thought we were happy.

OP posts:

TSSDNCOP · 31/12/2018 16:14

I’m not unsympathetic OP, although I did think you could dress in black and dangle from the ceiling above his armchair to get his passcode. I think you’ve got some grounds for suspicion, but I do think as you say Eastenders is probably not the best reference point for subterfuge. Good luck x

NOTthepinkranger · 31/12/2018 16:15

I don’t get this site if a man was doing half the stuff some people do eg go through phones, demand passwords, use their thumb whilst asleep to access phones it would be classed as abusive and controlling but it’s perfectly fine when it’s a woman

2019rubberband · 31/12/2018 16:19

and what would you do then

I would probably act like a normal, rational human being. Which OP has showed zero signs of from the very first post. Waste of time trying to offer any advice or suggestions as all she wants to hear is that she is right, her man is a cheat and it's perfectly normal to unlock his phone with his thumb as he sleeps.

C8H10N4O2 · 31/12/2018 16:54

So you’re crouched by the side of the bed, holding a phone emitting a glow in the dark, you’ve got DH’s thumb in your hand poised over the home key. And he wakes up

Roll stealth or sleeping spell very fast...

Totaldogsbody · 31/12/2018 17:11

Might be best to just ask outright what he's up to. You might not like the reply but at least you'll know.

LuckyLou7 · 31/12/2018 17:29

Why don't you just ask him what the hell is going on? Much better than all this sneaking about trying to find out by stealth. If he's cheating, better that you now.

thisisjustdaft · 31/12/2018 18:05

he does not want to be accused of cheating

You haven't outright accused him though, have you? So why did he make that assumption? Hmmm... doesn't look good from here.

Kennycalmit · 01/01/2019 15:06

Christ alive. Are not not embarrassed of yourself op?

If a man came on here and had written your post he would’ve been flamed! You quite clearly do not trust your partner

Either act like an adult and simply ask to see his phone. If he says no then you have your answer that something is on there which he doesn’t want you to see. If he says yes then great. But seriously, insisting that he turns on his location settings and thinking about using his thumb to snoop through his phone is ridiculous and embarrassing.

The other month I posted on here. I received a message from my DP, however it wasn’t meant for me. I had no reason to distrust him however the message made me feel uncomfortable. Guess what I did? I asked him about it there was an innocent explanation and he showed me on his phone straight away.

PaleRider1 · 01/01/2019 15:12

So how exactly did the phone call conversation go whilst your husband was on the phone? Normal? Cagey?

What I can’t understand though, is if you were that concerned about the best mans welfare and lack of cards etc. from him, then why didn’t/ haven’t you been in touch with him asking after his welfare?

Dimsumlosesum · 01/01/2019 15:42

Op, I totally sympathise. My oh never told me the truth, and it was only through snooping that I finally got the concrete evidence he couldn't refute. If he's just told me about it all in the first place it would've saved me 2 YEARS worth of stress and worry a d knowing something was wrong.

In hindsight - I would do as pp posters have said. If he refuses to let you see it, therein lies your answer. Don't do as I did and nooo, snoop, snoop - it's not healthy, it fucks you up in the head.

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