I've been with my DP for 6 years. We're both 47 and divorced. We have two DS each (15, 14, 13 & 9), we don't live together as logistics have just never really worked with school and work etc. He lives an hour's drive from me.
He is lovely to me and I feel maybe don't deserve him. I have lived on my own for 9 years and am very independent. I work full time and although money is tight my DS and I have everything we need.
DP stays with me the 50% he doesn't have his children and it works well, I still have my independence but also get to see him. However I like my I dependence a little too much lately and have looked forward to him going home. I also feel guilty because my libido has gone out of the window over the last couple of years since I was sterilised but more so in the last year. I just don't want it, I don't feel like it at all and feel pressured every time he mentions it. I started HRT a month ago as I'm perimenopausal, this has relieved all my symptoms apart from the lack of sex drive. He says he is fine about it but he can't be. I just don't know whether to let him go and be with someone who could make him happy. As I get older I seem to have become more selfish and only care about me and my children.
He has had his own business for 2 years which he's enjoying but he's always complaining about having no money. He's earning around £60k pa now rather than the £80k he was before. I hosted Christmas this year and there were 12 of us. He contributed a bottle of red and 4 pints of milk..
We just don't have fun anymore. I'm on my own this weekend as he has his boys and mine are with their DF. I'm loving the time by myself even though I was invited to his..
I don't really know what advice I'm looking for. It seems to have turned to friendship and I just don't know what to do for the best..